She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[tbart01]

She now refuses to drop the D and go all in, so the reconciliation is off.

[steady]

By Saturday she still wanted to drop the D, but she no longer wanted to go all in.

She even reversed course on dropping the D?

This is why you don't bite at their first attempt to reconcile. Jeez. tbart I really feel for you man.

[tbart01]

I think she'll still drop the D, but she can't even give me an idea of what she wants or needs.

I don't know what to do. I guess if she dropped the D it would show me she's committed but afraid.

I told her that I understood that she was afraid and that I was too. I comforted her and reassured her that it was ok to be scared. I just can't fix a marriage while I'm getting divorced.

[Coach]

She wants to know you can handle it. Keeping the D open is her lifeboat. She's afraid to get on board. She needs to see your confidence in yourself, she wants to see your plan, she's testing you right now. You need to lead.

Be very firm about what the deal is. She wants to see if you are serious.

Finish this sentence: "I have decided that what is best for me is _________________________________________." Think thru it.

[tbart01]

If she would drop the D, I could probably give a little on the all in. Just like she needed to see, not hear my changes. I need to see her commitment, not just her words saying she wants us back.

She knows she can't go all 100% at this time and I can. That's what has her scared. She also said that the fact she wasn't excited when she told me all in had her worried. She felt she should feel some excitement or relief, and she felt no change.

I have validated all of her fears, told her I shared the same fears. It eased her mind, yet she was still willing to let me walk without an answer.

How long do I give her to give me an answer Coach. if she says no now, is that it? Once again, we're back to her time line and control of things.

I feel her wanting to come back is sincere, I just don't like the new terms.

[Coach]

She also said that the fact she wasn't excited when she told me all in had her worried. She felt she should feel some excitement or relief, and she felt no change.

There is your answer. See she is worried because she is not attracted to you. You don't want her back then. Let her go, she will repspect that. Doesn't mean you don't have a chance but your W is not ready yet.

[tbart01]

So because it didn't change her attitude it mean she's not attracted to me? I'm not sure I completely follow you on that one, but it's a possibility at this point.

She cried for two days telling me how much she misses me and wants us back together. Yet, for some reason she's unable to take a leap of faith.

I dodn't want to blow an oportunity for us, but I can't wait forever. We have been down the lets take it slow and work things out path before. All it did was cause us to drift further away.

[Coach]

So because it didn't change her attitude it mean she's not attracted to me? I'm not sure I completely follow you on that one, but it's a possibility at this point.

Follow her actions. How did she act when you first were dating, whne things were good in the M?

She cried for two days telling me how much she misses me and wants us back together. Yet, for some reason she's unable to take a leap of faith

Yet she can't go back to the M you currently have. What is she really telling you? She wants to feel excitement, she wants to feel attraction.

[Greek]

tbart to W: "While I understand and share your concerns, I have decided that time will not build a stronger partnership for us - only committing to make the necessary changes will do that. You are clearly unwilling to do that so I have decided to move forward with making a life apart from you."

You could tell her in person, but don't linger. You have to be somewhere so you can't stay. Say it and go. Don't take calls, don't answer texts unless there is a question about kids or money. Do you have L? If not, get one. Start driving this bus.

She doesn't think you will. She may be thinking that she has more Time. Absent a deadline, she may never know what she wants. Give her today as the drop dead date. Best case scenario - she moves in your direction. Worst case - well, what could be worse than where you are now?

Greek

[tbart01]

I hate to hear it but Greek you're probably right. She is unwilling to commit to us after telling me she could.

She's willing to test the waters and see if I'm all out. I'm so important to her that she's willing to let me go instead of taking a chance.

This is unfair to me to be expected to wait around for her. She has already shown that she's flighty. She can't make a decision even after making one.

I though this was it for sure. this was different than the other time she said she wanted me back. All she had to do this time was show me she was commited and drop the D.

It's not like I came to her and gave her these demands. She came to me and presented these actions. Now she's telling me that she feels like I'm pressuring her by telling her all in or all out. I believe it was her that said she was all in.

If she lets me walk away, which it apears she is, then I won't be so willing to come back again. This was a huge let down on her part. She told me what she wanted to do and did none of it.

I got sucked in and I feel like a fool. She had me be part of the family for a week. She fooled me and the kids.