Omg--I get it. It hurts, but there's a resolution to this pain; denial was keeping me stuck in a cycle of confusion, hope, and disappointment. And because I'm so freaking good and experienced at denial, it took awhile for me to catch on. And because denial is ultimately a coping mechanism, it wasn't going to go away until I had the emotional resources to get by without it.
DQ, it was disturbing, but I finally hear what you were telling me. He's just not that into me. And that doesn't make me inadequate, and it doesn't make him evil. But yes, I do want to be wanted. And at this point in my life, I'm worth wanting.
Ouch.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I had a somewhat similar post-divorce relationship. A guy I totally adored, but he just wouldn't let me get too close. I called him "the Hermit" to my friends - he's been single for 20 years, I knew going in that he wasn't a good bet for a long-term relationship. But I fell for him anyway.
Eventually he dumped me for his old college girlfriend - I kinda understand that, actually. I watched He's Just Not That Into YOu with my best friend, a whole lot of it rang true. I've been driving around for four months with an index card stuck in the visor of my car that says He's Just Not That Into You.
I've recently gone back online to try to move on. I haven't dated anyone yet, but there is a guy who is a likely prospect. He's out of town on business right now but coming back soon, and we will probably go on a date when he does.
And TOTALLY predictably, the Hermit is making noises now - what do they think, that they can drop you and move on to another woman and you'll just sit there patiently waiting for them to return? He's clearly got some issue with the prospect of me dating another guy, but until he can man up and admit he made a mistake and I'm the one he wants........too bad, so sad.
I don't know what my rambling point is here, except that I'm here in solidarity with you, dating at 54 sucks, but I don't know any other way to find a new love who will appreciate my fabulousness.
The thing is, I'm not at all anxious to date, nor am I really looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. I've had 2 Epic Fails, which have left me sadder, wiser, and far poorer--I honestly may never be able to retire. I would not feel "incomplete" if I simply continued to heal, raise my daughter and launch her into a happy and successful life, and developed some good friendships. I definitely wasn't looking when this came along; Texas guy was an old close friend I looked up online to see how his life turned out--like a dozen other old friends--altho very few replied. He and I happened to be in the same place, going thru the same stuff, and in the beginning we clung onto each other like 2 drowning people. Fortunately we're both grownups, we have decades of counseling between us, and it sorta righted itself and integrated into our lives. The few times we've met since them have been great, but between the baggage and current crises, it brought us here. I'm grateful for the support, and I think we have a good friendship-- but now I know I'd be foolish to expect any more than that. And that's that. And I don't feel any need to get out there and look around--I'm fine where I am. I need to keep healing, keep growing, and keep raising my daughter--and that's all I need. Well, some friends would be nice, too.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
D14 survived her first day of high school with only a couple of glitches (locker combinations, lunch routine, etc.). several potential new friends. already working on getting her retested re: her math learning disorder so we can get her the appropriate resources. she's the only freshman in advanced choir. life is looking up for sure!
also heard from Texas guy. his xW got married over the weekend, only told their kids a couple of days later (teenage girls). what is wrong with people--you read about this stuff on the boards all the time; what on earth makes people that insensitive to their own children?! (rhetorical question.)
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Deep Breath and big hugs! I am terribly sorry. I haven't been in this position except back when I was 21 and I just went back to my previous job.
I think what you should do is 1)Figure out if you want to stay in the same field. 2) Check with a job search agency to see what might be available. 3)Update your resume if necessary. 4)Take temp jobs in the meantime to gain experience and make new contacts if you are able. 5) This one door closed and that means there is another one open somewhere. Treat this as an opportunity.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I've never been in this position before either--I've always done really well (well, except in the ministry job--where I did really well but ended up on the wrong end of the political clique there, inadvertently). I only got a week's notice, too.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Is there any type of severance package? What's the labour laws in regards to notice? Anyway, aside from the practicalities, I'm so sorry this has happened to you Hmama! My brother was let go not too long ago and I know how difficult that was for him but, on the bright side, he's now working at a job that he loves. He would call me in tears, finally took a job that was below his qualifications for six months and then got a job that he really wanted! You will too. I'll pray for your success.
