tbart, I gave Coach and Puppy Dog a heads up to come over here. They both have experience with piecing a M back together. hopefully they'll get my message and come on over.
This is a critical and crucial junction. Your goal is to keep any mistakes to a minimum. Nothing better than getting advice from people who have already been where you are at and possibly going.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Thanks for the enlightening post. I may be on verge of W coming around and I too, like tbart, have apprehensiveness.
The suggestions you made were great blue print to work on piecing.
I totally agree with not moving back in too soon. It could do more harm than good.
Good point recommending to keep posting here after R. I think that's where a lot of people go wrong. This site is more than stopping D, it's teachs the dynamics of human behavior and relationships. I'll be following along here. gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
We're getting together this weekend to discuss what each of us expects from the other.
What does partnership mean to you?
What makes you feel loved?
What are your concerns?
How can you help each other?
What makes you feel respected?
What will it take for trust to be restored?
What do yo need to do better?
What makes you feel like you matter to each other?
Be aware of your marriage. What works,causes connection and attraction. Become aware of what doesn't work.
Don't take things personally. Let her talk and get it out. Show confidence and strength. Reconcile because you decide it's best for you.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thank you guys for chiming in. I thought if this day ever came it would be easy. I'm finding out that this is actually the hardest part besides the initial bomb.
This is actually her third offer for this to happen. I turned her down the other times because I felt it wasn't genuine or for the right reasons.
I see and hear sincerity on her part this time. Ee just want to make sure we do this right. We both agree we need to discuss the things Coach posted. That's what Saturday is all about.
I never thought this day wouold ever come. It seemed like we were too far down the D road. This is now where the work really begins.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
tBart ~ She's as scared and skeptical as you are. You don't have to give her an award for that or anything :), but consider it. Let it inform your compassion - this is a difficult decision/move for her to make. Her stomach flip-flopped and dropped before she finally got the nerve to send the tm about dropping the D. She lost sleep. She second guessed. She gulped and sent the tm. Then she wondered if she had done the right thing.
Been there.
You are absolutely correct about the potential for a new marriage. Two people who go through what y'all have been through, learn what you've learned about yourselves and each other, have such an exciting potential for a phenomenal partnership. Much to be hopeful about.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Coach and Puppy and Greek, thanks for coming over.
By the way tbart, I'm not sure if you know this but Coach and Greek are married. Greek has been where your W is and Coach has been where you are.
Coach and Greek, hope you don't mind pointing that out to him. I think it's important he sees two people who been on both sides that have gone through this and successfully come together.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Well I learned today that when things are too good to be true, they really are. I got sucked back in, and now I'm too emotionally for anything.
Monday my W wanted to drop the D and go all in. By Saturday she still wanted to drop the D, but she no longer wanted to go all in. Since I mentioned to her my D15 worried we'd create another tension filled environment, she questioned her decision.
Now she wants to get back together, but she wants to take our time and work things out first. We already tried the time and marriage counseling thing. We've been living apart. What more can we do.
Am I reading too much into this? She still want's to work on us, but she doesn't want us to rush back in like she wanted to do Monday.
This is a huge set back for me emotionally. She said the ball was in my court and it was my decision. I made the decision, and she changed the time line.
I can't continue to pretend to be a family and then leave every night.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
piecing is a big step. I haven't but from reading other posts here is the piecing forum they say it is very difficult.
If you jump right into it they say it will fail. This is a slow process. Read some posts in the pieceing forum if you haven't already.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
