Who knows--it's so long since I have been in any kind of relationship that I don't even remember what's normal!! But there it is, and I'll be interested in his response--because I truly am at a loss here and I feel like I'm in high school again an I don't much like it!
I'm with you, Hmama! For those of us who've never had a date in twenty years it's hard to even remember what it was like then let alone what you should do now! I have a lady at church who sits with me every bible study, seems interested in me and yet she said she'd bring me a DVD a week ago and didn't. My thought processes start clicking in "is she really interested in me?" "If I was interested in someone, even as a friend, I'd remember to bring something I said I would" "Is she just a self involved person and I shouldn't even consider her on any level " blah blah blah. Now, I'm not looking to date at this moment but I'm watching how women treat me trying to figure out what their actions mean. I dunno! I think because we've been so hurt we are hyper vigilant to anything that might indicate rejection but then, on the other hand, you don't want to set yourself up with someone who isn't that interested in the first place. How do you know? Others will have to weigh in on this as I'm fresh out of any useful advice!
Who knows--it's so long since I have been in any kind of relationship that I don't even remember what's normal!! But there it is, and I'll be interested in his response--because I truly am at a loss here and I feel like I'm in high school again an I don't much like it!
I'm with you, Hmama! For those of us who've never had a date in twenty years it's hard to even remember what it was like then let alone what you should do now! I have a lady at church who sits with me every bible study, seems interested in me and yet she said she'd bring me a DVD a week ago and didn't. My thought processes start clicking in "is she really interested in me?" "If I was interested in someone, even as a friend, I'd remember to bring something I said I would" "Is she just a self involved person and I shouldn't even consider her on any level " blah blah blah. Now, I'm not looking to date at this moment but I'm watching how women treat me trying to figure out what their actions mean. I dunno! I think because we've been so hurt we are hyper vigilant to anything that might indicate rejection but then, on the other hand, you don't want to set yourself up with someone who isn't that interested in the first place. How do you know? Others will have to weigh in on this as I'm fresh out of any useful advice!
It is maddening, isn't it?! not to mention undignified!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Which is why I have no intention of dating divorced or just separated. No intention of getting emotionally involved with anyone romantically. Friendship with my H is good enough, although I do want my freedom to do what I want.
You are both brave to even nibble at the prospect. I cannot and will not do it.
What was Mr. Texas' response, Hmama, if any?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Oh, believe me, I wasn't looking. This just found me, and if I had had any inkling that any of this would happen I probably would never have signed onto my email that day back in January--which would have been a shame, really.
I have not heard back from Texas guy about my note, altho we have been trading research humor throughout the day.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hi Hoosier! You know...since I follow your sitch, I've also followed along with your story of Texas guy...
I'm glad you simply asked him what is up...I just want to warn you that you are likely to get an answer of "nothing is up, why would anything be up? Its always been casual, I don't want a relationship, I've been honest about that since the beginning, blah blah blah".
One of the things I had to do after divorce was learn everything I could about men and dating...as I did want to get back into the pool but didn't have any skills and no clue what was going on out there. So as part of this sort of man-and-dating-training, I learned this: even if a man acts jealous about something, it doesn't MEAN anything. They can be jealous without having feelings for you. (Not that Texas doesn't have feelings for you because he does but...) when you mentioned he was edgy because he worried you were on a date, I know it is tempting to think that they get jealous because they want us for themselves. But as it turns out, this isn't the case. They may even be jealous if a gal friend (truly just a friend) has a date. Jealousy in man-language may not be attached to romantic feelings. It appears to be something else entirely.
Hon - Texas guy was a great stepping stone for you. You got to FEEL something again. You got some great fun, conversation, and warm fuzzy feelings from it all....
But he's not the one for you. You know that already, I know.
The one for YOU will not make it any secret that he wants you all to himself. But to make room for the one who is yours, you gotta trim the low-hanging fruit off the vine (Texas guy) and make yourself truly available.
You have done so many things right so far, and this is one of them...by that I mean, you have waited all this time to heal from your whole ordeal before getting into a real relationship. I think you're ready now...
