I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Red--I met him at a zoo brewfest--not online...and I cracked up about the rest...money is a good discussion for another topic, actually!

WN-yeah...kind of confusing! He WASN'T originally looking to date, but then I asked him out.About that time, the "switch" went off where he realized it wasn't whether she would take HIM back but whether he would take HER back. So he decided to date and see what's out there and just to have fun.

I really think he did the right thing by telling me that he was having conflict over his exG, but...


CG-I think you're right! He wanted a listener/helper...I figured that I would just go with it, because I am not looking for anything, so who cares? He did ask me about my stuff, too, but I admit that I was in "helper" mode and since he is going to talk to her next week, and since I didn't know if I would be seeing him again, I didn't feel like baring my soul...if that makes sense!


Timeheals...I will acknowledge your comments as long as you please don't talk about me as if I am not here (it sounds very condescending and although you are older than me, you are not old enough to be my father).

Thanks! And yes DATING IS FUN!!! I AM SHOUTING, LOL! If it stops being fun, then that is when you shouldn't be dating...or at least that person. Pretty simple! (IMO)

[newmama]

P.S. I still do not feel disappointed (deeply), or hurt, so yay for me! It means that this was still ok for me to do!

[TimeHeals]

He wanted a listener/helper...I figured that I would just go with it, because I am not looking for anything, so who cares? He did ask me about my stuff, too, but I admit that I was in "helper" mode and since he is going to talk to her next week, and since I didn't know if I would be seeing him again, I didn't feel like baring my soul...if that makes sense!

OK, so you went out on a date with somebody you claim you had very little interest in romantically speaking. You asked him out, so there must have been some interest, right?

BTW, who paid for this date?

[newmama]

Ok about money....I USED to think it didn't matter; that he could make less than me....as long as we loved each other, right? BUT

Then I realized I have these beliefs/ideas I don't know what you call them around money.

like

1)independence--I am grateful for my degree, and my job, so that I won't have to "ask" my H for money and I get a say in financial stuff and, well look what happened, I have a way to support myself.

2)drive, ambition--FOR ME, if a man makes less than me,(again, I am a teacher, folks) he better be doing something like starting his own business, writing the great American Novel, or something that isn't just him being satisfied with his low paying job. This is for me, others may want that man...I won't be able to respect him. OH THAT SOUNDS BAD! But I think it is the deep, dark truth! FOR ME!

3)responsibility--if a man (or woman) can manage their money, be credit card debt free and afford to go out, that shows me he is responsible, BUT

4)no tightwads...IF there is money in savings and money left after the bills, come on- it is fine to rent a cabin at the beach or something!

5)money= freedom....it doesn't buy you happiness, but it does give you OPTIONS in life!

[newmama]

Timeheals, I paid...are you thinking he used me for a kayak trip? lol! It's ok! It was worth the adventure and the steamy kissing!

[newmama]

Oh and my interest in him was not for LOVE...

[TimeHeals]

are you thinking he used me for a kayak trip?

I wasn't thinking much. I was asking you a couple of questions and trying to understand.

It was worth the adventure and the steamy kissing!

So is this what you were looking for when you asked him out and paid for this date? An ego boost? Some entertainment?

[newmama]

Exactly, Timeheals! And I made it clear that I was not looking for anything serious!

[TimeHeals]

Exactly, Timeheals! And I made it clear that I was not looking for anything serious!

So I stand by my original assesment: no harm, no foul. You got what you wanted, he apparently got what he wanted, and we could criticise him (and you) according to a level of expectations about what folks with less baggage might do on a date, but what's the point?

I assume you find R-talk somewhat entertaining or else you probably wouldn't read and post on other peoples' threads, so I don't see why anybody should be so harsh in their judgement on this guy: is he ready for a serious relationship? Nope, not even close. Are you? By your own admission, you're not.

[newmama]

so I don't see why anybody should be so harsh in their judgement on this guy: is he ready for a serious relationship? Nope, not even close. Are you? By your own admission, you're not

.

wow---you and I are seeing eye to eye?

I think he was being honest and open!!