This is all very fascinating to me (not the diaper part because I am having strokes thinking about a #2 floating in a pool).
My friend and I were talking about online dating last night. Her philosophy is it makes sense, it's efficient and what people do as their lives progress and become more complicated. I don't think there is anything wrong with it and I support anybody's choice to do it but I just feel creeped out thinking about it FOR ME. I guess I always thought meeting somebody would be a natural and organic experience. I guess I think it should be a bit more tangible (for me). I just can't wrap my head around the concept. But then I got to thinking GEESH, we put our whole lives on this site but it's for a different purpose (help, support, guidance) so it's sort of the same but not really.
Maybe because I have never done it and feel so *something* about it I am thinking about it all wrong. It just seems odd to sort through profiles picking and choosing but on the other hand it actually makes perfect sense. Like if you hate dogs you wouldn't choose somebody that owns 170 dogs, is a vet and runs a dog shelter on the side. The friend I was having this discussion with said it's like shopping, lol!
Even the idea of a blind date is out there to me. Maybe *I* am the one who dates all wrong!
The other thing I am trying to wrap my head around is why ya'll say yes to dates when you don't like the person (I mean you might like them but don't want to have anything to do with them as far as anything more goes). Why not just say no? That is what I would do but clearly my dating skills need some work.
I dated a few really good/nice/interesting guys a while back and it seemed like an absolute chore and a half. I declined further dates and one of the asked me why and maybe I should have said something different but I really just told him the truth and the truth was I didn't like it!
I am not directing this at anybody but the discussion is interesting!
Do they have dating books? Maybe I need to read some and get with the program!
CG-The first guy who turned out gross was interesting on the phone and via text. However as soon as we met I could see he chose a picture of him that put his best foot forward, so to speak...and he started getting grabby within minutes (we met to play darts/shuffleboard at a pub & grill and when I turned to throw he grabbed at my butt!?!)...so NO MORE that guy!!
But from that I learned to go with my gut, hence blocking 1200 profiles before giving up on Match. Meetup groups may be a better idea bc just being there in the first place means you share a common interest, plus you would be socializing in a group/safe setting before going on a date.
The other thing I am trying to wrap my head around is why ya'll say yes to dates when you don't like the person (I mean you might like them but don't want to have anything to do with them as far as anything more goes). Why not just say no? That is what I would do but clearly my dating skills need some work.
Hi CG! This made me think about my MLC H...he asked me out after a night at the bar celebrating a friends b-day...I had fun with him and we had mutual friends but didn't think about him any other way...he called and asked me out..I said yes, just for the heck of it cause I knew I'd have fun! We got married 2 yrs later....ya never know!
Of course....I am not sure sure now......
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I think what really creeps me out is the idea of some guy sifting through profiles of 100's of women sort of picking and choosing. Like how do you know the guy isn't a freak sitting there in his undershorts just looking at women!? It just feels scary to me. Not like I am scared to date but scared of the people. I get you can filter them out but I think the idea of somebody putting tons of women in a "shopping cart" turns me off.
Then I think there are many lovely men on this site that I think are fantastic and they are online dating so really it might be okay.
I think what really creeps me out is the idea of some guy sifting through profiles of 100's of women sort of picking and choosing. Like how do you know the guy isn't a freak sitting there in his undershorts just looking at women!? It just feels scary to me. Not like I am scared to date but scared of the people. I get you can filter them out but I think the idea of somebody putting tons of women in a "shopping cart" turns me off.
I hear you. I wouldn't put myself on a dating site as a "product." Notwithstanding I'm not looking for any relationship at this point.
Originally Posted By: CityGirl
Then I think there are many lovely men on this site that I think are fantastic and they are online dating so really it might be okay.
I've often posted that this site is filled with good, decent people who value their marriages, consider vows sacred and go through unbelievable pain - and cruelty - to try to save that which they value.
We should all be dating each other!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
The other thing I am trying to wrap my head around is why ya'll say yes to dates when you don't like the person (I mean you might like them but don't want to have anything to do with them as far as anything more goes). Why not just say no?
Good question, CG! First, what CW said! Second, in this case with Rugby, here is a history: 1)June he emailed me when I turned my profile back on; we had some things in common, he looked cute in his pics, I liked that he had 50% custody of his kids, so I emailed him back...was thinking I might try dating.
2)When stbxh told me he was uncertain about filing for D a few days later, I emailed Rugby back and said it was too soon for me to date
3)When zoobrew and I went out and I was head over heels, my friend C told me to date others so as not to get attached. I looked up Rugby and asked if he'd give me another chance.
4)We finally go on the date; IMO he wasn't terrible nor was he great. We did have a good phone conversation previous. We had fun conversation on the date. I "allowed" kissing--he didn't push himself on me! He called me immediately after to make sure we would go out again. I said yes but didn't specify a time or day and told him we would talk soon. I thought that because zoobrew was on mymind, maybe I didn't give Rugby the full attention he deserved and maybe I would feel sparks on the 2nd date.
So the combination of all 4 things are why I said yes to a second date...
Quote:
I think what really creeps me out is the idea of some guy sifting through profiles of 100's of women sort of picking and choosing. Like how do you know the guy isn't a freak sitting there in his undershorts just looking at women!? It just feels scary to me. Not like I am scared to date but scared of the people. I get you can filter them out but I think the idea of somebody putting tons of women in a "shopping cart" turns me off.
Ah, but you see, WOMEN get to sift through MEN's profiles and pick and choose, too! It's the 21st century!
Now what pics do you think women are posting? I mean do men just love to sit there looking at smiling women wearing decent clothes when they could also look at smiling women on TV, in the grocery store, at work, in magazines, etc...the women mostly look normal! There ARE some who choose to post pics of themselves in bikinis or lingerie or lowcut shirts, etc...uh, DUH? don't do that!? what are these women thinking?! And the same goes for men!
(FYI There are 2 big pet peeves of men's pictures that I can't stand. 1) the guy who just didn't even try. He is wearing a sloppy t-shirt and holding his cell phone up in the mirror, barely smiling. It's like he is thinking "eh, take it or leave it, here I am. You like it or not." Yeah wonder how he would like a pic of me doing the same thing?
2)when the men only have pics of themselves wearing sunglasses.
3)Oh, wait- guess I have a 3rd- all the pics are goofy on purpose, like to show their humor....but we need to see the face!!!)
And you meet in a public place, keep the date brief (unless it's going well),and if you are really paranoid, do not let him see where you parked or see your car.
But you know something? I think the odds are greater of meeting a creep in a bar versus on the internet. Not that those are the only 2 options,lol!
It's just that I agree with your friend, CG, that it is efficient to use online dating, especially if you don't have access to meeting men the regular way (like you do in your community). CG, I think in your case, you don't need the internet for dating! And yes, there are some very excellent men on this DB forum!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I understand your caution CW. I would also be cautious because H would get on all these websites (FB, myspace, dating pages, etc) and put up a fake profile with a fake name and a fake pic in order to meet some girls and have virtual sex so to me, I would just as well stay away because I know there are creeps out there. It is definitely hard, but I think at some point I may go there just to see if it could work, but I am with you, I would rather meet someone in person.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
NM - I have never even looked at a dating site so I guess I have an image conjured up in my head without really knowing what it is. That was a good way to put it... people look at people all the time in their daily lives in a non freaky way!
I have lots of fun reading about all the dating adventures on this board!
Sometimes I walk my dog late at night so my friend got me pepper spray called Ms. Whoop Ass. I guess if I ever online date I can put in my profile: I own Ms. Whoop Ass and I am NOT afraid to use it!
