I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

OK I am refreshed from a full night's sleep....am going to share some embarrassing confessions because this thread makes it easy to bare all, lol!

did some annoying things on the date....

I was narrating stuff like "ok got my keys...put the purse away...check the ticket..."

I think this is because I narrate for S??? Or I have been living alone too long? lol!

I was concerned about using the paddles the right way, staying with the group, following directions. So not sexy to be self conscious!!!

At the bar, after a hoppy microbrew, I felt relaxed and moved in for the kissing first...I said "aren't you going to kiss me?" (blush!!!) HE SAID "No." and I felt sooooo embarrassed and rejected and it brought me back to when stbxh SUDDENLY stopped wanting me sexually. (Boy, does this mean I am sooo not ready to date or what? Too vulnerable!) Of course I played it off with zoobrew and said "oh, really? fine!" then he started kissing me a couple of minutes later. Argh! I was too impatient...we had spent 5 hours together at that point and he didn't even touch me at all up until then. I mean not patting my arm or anything like that!

Up until the bar I was thinking that something must have turned him off to me...something I said or did while kayaking? So when we sat down to drink some beer, I started to sit in a chair across from him and he patted the spot next to the bench where he chose to sit.

You can imagine how relieved I was to see that he wanted me to be physically close to him. I was thinking maybe he had put me in the "friend zone." I guess once I sat next to him I was sure to rub my knee against his. And then a little while later is when I asked him about kissing me. You know this is all because I have been deprived for so long!

Of course I asked him EARLIER on the date if asking him out meant that I was aggressive and he said "no...I really liked how you said 'let's get a beer sometime this summer' because it was so low key and open. No pressure."

And then I go and put the pressure on by pursuing kissing with him? arggghhh!

I guess because I am thinking "fling" and not "relationship" that I am not following the rules. Maybe for flings, you still need to? I guess for one night stands you don't, but this is in between a one nighter and dating exclusively. haha! OK analyzing is over now....

going to have a fun day with S!

[newmama]

just sent Rugby a text to say good morning- how was your boating trip? He said
Well good morning! What happened about meeting last night?

I said
"I have the same Q! I thought you were going to call me! Sorry, was I supposed to call you??"

so then we are meeting Thurs night. I am so humbled...

I will be calling him here soon!

[ImprovedRomeo]

NM, you should start a new thread 'Confessions of a free woman as she takes on the dating game'

So I got a patted on my arm a couple of times by a woman recently but we're always told to keep our hands to ourselves unless there's a clear green light. We're always getting rejected you know so most of us are guarded. Some guys though have the mentality 'so what? the more you get rejected the higher the chances of succeeding next time'. So it could've been that? Besides how often do women really initiate that kind of stuff so to me that's a special treat like- wow, she's a BITCH - babe in total control of herself that is Kind of a turn on.

But now...you have to get him back! don't initiate everytime! you have to think and act like a drug dealer (no personal experience I assure you lol). You gave him his fix now let him come back for more.

A fling eh? hey so what's up with the one night stands anyway? there goes my whole theory about women wanting the emotional connection before the physical stuff. I'm not complaining because I'm sure it's making a lot of guys happy somewhere lol

[newmama]

OK Romeo...I must adopt a "drug dealer" mentality, lol! Well that is why I am going out with Rugby tomorrow night. I mean not JUST because of that reason, but because over the weekend I honestly thought "hmm...wonder if there will be sparks with Rugby? Will he like me when he meets me? Can I handle dating him at the same time as zoobrew?" and then when he didn't call I thought "so did he meet someone else? wait a minute...."

So I called him up and he definitely had a "tone" to his voice, like he was suspicious or hurt or resentful of the fact that I didn't call him in time for Tuesday! If he had called me, I would have gone out with him but since he didn't, I didn't make an attempt. He said at one point
"And on Tuesday night, I was HOPING TO HAVE QUALITY TIME WITH NEWMAMA...but I DIDN'T..." So I couldn't help but say "well I will make it up to you on Thursday!" but you know what? It kinda bugged me that he was like that...why not just call me then? And I don't owe him anything...we have only talked on the phone!

From our other conversations, I can feel his "warmth" over the phone so it makes me a little nervous about him wanting to get too close too soon. Just wondering if zoobrew acted similarly if it would cool my jets for him?



Yes, not just me, but EVERY FRIEND I HAVE has had a one nighter! And these are ladies who are currently married, or in long term relationships. So one nighters are not just done by "hussies!"
But I can't have a one nighter anymore, I don't think. To me, a "fling" means a series of dates where sex is involved.

NOW, in a relationship with someone, we definitely need the emotional stuff to maintain our sexual desire for our man!


So if the woman patted your arm,it does depend on context. Was she also darting her eyes, cocking her head,playing with her hair, or looking at your mouth? those are signs of interest!

[newmama]

Went to my favorite park with S today. It is in another city and has reservoirs and hiking trails...gorgeous views! I sure hope I burned some extra calories hiking with him on my back!S loved it again!

While at the swings, and OLDer gent was making small talk. He said that houses in that area have been starting to sell....hmm. I know I can't buy a house but it made me consider moving back to that area next year! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that neighborhood and park!!!! They have summer concerts, too!


So I have been thinking of what kind of hobby to pick up.Iguess I need to go back to cooking--don't want to lose the skill! It is hard to justify the expense, though, when I am going out and spending money. But I think I will try to resume it next month.

Having stepped into the dating scene thus far, am realizing that I have got to step it up a notch when I want to find that special someone! So much work. Need to have defined hobbies (somehow outside of work and being a single mom), need to be up on current events (which I have been better at doing), and need to become more physically active somehow. Oh and develop better self confidence. It is very overwhelming.

[newmama]

Oh yeah- and was talking to my BFF about the latest dating news and she said that I am doing great and if zoobrew won't call me back, then he is stupid and turning down "free candy", but that I really should talk to her friend Cristi and help her out.

She said that Cristi is trying to casually date but is SMOTHERING her men....coming on strong, pursuing heavily with texts and phonecalls, and has been dumped a lot. Recently when a man canceled on her, she called him yelling and crying about it!

Oh and I forgot to mention that on my date with zoobrew, I asked him if he has had a lot of dates that lasted 6 hours with talking and he said 'yeah.' So guess that wasn't such a big deal after all...also, he repeated himself with stuff that he already told me 1-2x before! (see how I am buffering myself from rejection? )

But I'm still game for some passionate affection with him!lol!

[courageous wife]

Having stepped into the dating scene thus far, am realizing that I have got to step it up a notch when I want to find that special someone!

Sweetie! There is no hurry whatsoever at all! You just be yourself! That special someone will come along when you least expect it!!! Your self confidence will develop in time!!! Give yourself a break and just enjoy being you!!!! You are doing fine...slow and easy!!! Whatever you do, make sure that it is for YOU!!!!

[Reincarnated]

I am an occasional poster, so take this with a grain of salt....

The D was just filed last month, and you are already dating? What's the rush?
I understand wanting to be validated again after such a blow (been there, did that). OK, well, now you know that you aren't a troll - there will be opportunities for you.

This is a time for you to become comfortable with YOU - heal wounds, work on becoming the best person you can be. Focus on you, your baby, family, girlfriends, hobbies, etc.

[newmama]

Hi Donna! I am not offended! I have been separated since March 2009 so I feel comfortable dating casually after 16 months... he was talking divorce all through out.

I definitely will do what you are suggesting after I finish what I started with Rugby and zoobrew!

Everything is intentional. How is your dating life going? Are you out there yet?

[Reincarnated]

My life is going really well Lots of time with friends, fam, kids, and just on my own.

My dating life? Like I said, been there, done that
I had a good time, didn't take things personally, but knew after a while that it wasn't good timing for me. I got some good stories out of most, one I had a brief fling with (a bad-ass biker guy, of all things! I'm an elementary school art teacher - let's say we only had one thing in common). The other guys were much more interested in me that I was in them, and it just wasn't fair, so I backed off.
I was lucky - there was a lot of potential there to just go into a new R without really knowing myself, or of getting hurt all over again. You need time to process and learn from the last R so you don't make the same mistakes again.
I've done a lot of reading since then - a great website is gettingpastyourpast.