My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Men -- braggarts!!!!

[BeingMe]

Hmama, I luvya, you know that, don't you?! So, take this 2x4 as a gentle knock ....

You are still doing the "but" thing. For instance, "yes, this is good, but .....". You fill in the blank. You cannot control anyone, or any situation, only attempt to influence. You control you. Whether he has contacted you once or ten times since, doesn't matter; he still sent that lovely email. Don't question, just allow the good things to happen, and don't seek out the negatives.

And, dammit, you are a good mom. You are there for your daughter, no matter what. You can just feel it through your writing, so stop doubting yourself. Nothing works out exactly as we plan them. Believe me, I know how plans can change (my whole life is a plan change). When it does work out, then it's fantastic, but if not, then one has to just find the positives in that change (not immediately, but eventually one has to do so before going crazy).

You and your daughter had a great weekend ... don't downplay it. Maybe you weren't feeling it, but it seems as if she did. Put that in the new family memory bank of "remember when we ....".

Take care.

[hoosiermama]

thanks, pup (!) and BeingMe. You're right--on all counts (especially men being braggarts!!)

I hate to "but" this...but how it feels is this: "here's a nice lady I see once a year. we have a great time, we converse at a deep level, we have a lot in common including how we see life. but I don't really have the time or interest to make this any more than an annual visit...but I don't want to say it because I don't want to sound unkind. so I'll check in every now and then and say something I know she wants to hear to maintain interest and not seem like a cad."

he may feel more connected, but I feel more disconnected now than I can remember feeling so far. and it's kind of a double-bind situation, because addressing it pushes him away.

re: planning one's life--it DOES seem like a lot of people DO have a plan, and it pretty much works out generally the way they had in mind, altho the details may be different. (or maybe that's just Republicans?! ;-) ) And I thought I was doing everything right, and boom!--what happens to most of us on these boards, the bomb from outta nowhere.

I should probably just focus on getting my life together, and being the best mom I can be, and let the whole Texas thing go...but I have very little support, and he has been very supportive over the past year and a half or so. It just feels like more than a friendship to me.

[figgeroni]

HM...
I thought you said you didn't have a very good support system...here you got an invitation to go to a concert in the park with a mom AND you have lunch with 3 other moms who know your whole situation...all in one weekend???

sounds kind of supportive to me


and

you are a mom
we eat the guilt of not being good enough everyday

[hoosiermama]

you have a point, figgie. those events are somewhat rare...can't remember the last time I had lunch with someone(s). I guess I meant I don't have anyone to call if I just need to talk, or someone to call in a crisis.

[Gardener]

hm,

I guess I meant I don't have anyone to call if I just need to talk, or someone to call in a crisis.

Yes, you do. Especially in a crisis.
You and I both do.

[hoosiermama]

indeed.

[hoosiermama]

bit of an update--
it's been a very discouraging summer. I had really anticipated that things would be much easier financially with the new job, but so many things have broken down that I'm not seeing much of a difference yet. right now my dryer hasn't worked since February or March, I had to buy 3 new tires a week ago because my alignment is off (so I need to align my wheels), I need an oil change and new serpentine belt, my hot water pressure is very low, and my riding mower isn't working. my yard is literally the size of a football field, and I've tried to push-mow, but I can't take the heat. and my computer broke down--still trying to figure out what's wrong with it, hopefully not the motherboard. so I can't seem to get one thing fixed before a few more break down--it's very discouraging. and D14 starts high school in just a few weeks, so lots of expenses coming up there as well.

I'm getting mixed vibes at work--lots of stress there because of several administrative changes, and depending upon the day, my boss can be either patient and instructive or quite clear that I'm not proving to be a good fit. it has not been fun or enjoyable in any way and it would not surprise me at any point if I got called in and terminated. I've never been in this situation before--I've always, always walked in and picked things up well, but I don't even know what questions to ask here and it seems like I'm supposed to read minds--and I've always been bad at that! I was told on the first day that it would be 6-8 months before I knew what I was doing, and it's been about 2 1/2--so this is not unexpected!

Odd--when so much has been out of my control for the past couple of years, I've kinda gotten used to not even trying to control anything. This will work itself out, and I'll survive, and I'll somehow deal with all the consequences. But I am a bit tired of holding my breath.

and my Texas friend...who knows what's going on with him. in spite of the note earlier in the month about feeling close and comfortable, I hear from him a lot less often, and in briefer notes for the most part. maybe it's because he feels close and doesn't need more frequent contact...but I think I do, because I feel pretty distant.

not a very positive update, but there it is. I'm tired.

[ImprovedRomeo]

HM, sorry to hear about all the stuff breaking and the atmosphere at work. It sucks.

- Dryer: check CraigsList to see if you can buy a cheap one. I once got one for $25 because the owners were moving out that weekend and couldn't take it with them.

- Alignment: definitely get it done if you just put on new tires. However, a lot of people think alignment is needed everytime the tires are replaced- not true. Balancing yes, alignment no. So if your car needs alignment- because it wore out the tires then get it done. Should be about $80 or so for all 4 wheels (look for coupons).

- Oil change: 5k miles between oil changes is fine (as long as the car's not using it up and getting low- but that's easy to check)

- Serpentine belt: If it's cracked and frayed then yes get it changed because it can leave you stranded. Should be about $30 for the belt and depending on the car about half hour labor give or take.

- Hot water pressure: do you have a home warranty perhaps? you can have it looked at and get it replaced.

- Riding mower: maybe you can borrow from one of neighbors temporarily?

Perhaps a good handyman can take care of most of these things for a reasonable amount so you're not stressed out about them. They're all fixable things so stay focused on work and more important things in life. ((hugs))

[hoosiermama]

Thanks, Romes.

the dryer is either a slipped or broken belt. my cousin might be able to fix that for me if I can pin him down. same with the mower. the neighbors actually said they'd have their son mow my lawn, but that was 3 weeks ago and it hasn't happened. I tried push mowing, but the heat made me sick, literally, and I was reminded I'm no longer in my 30's as much as I hate to admit it! tires--yeah, my tires went bad because of the alignment, so they need it.

no home warranty, I'm afraid. again, hoping my handy cousin might be able to look at it. serpentine belt--had one replaced back in the spring, it cost about $100 with labor.

work--lots going on that isn't related to me, and I'm assuming the boss is stressed out about them at times. still, not a lot of fun.