All I can say is "Spongebob" Have you see the one where Spongebog and Patrick find the little clam shell and adopt it? It's everything you just described....lol....
I hear you sister, men...you can't live with'em and you can't live with'em...
Quote: All I can say is "Spongebob" Have you see the one where Spongebog and Patrick find the little clam shell and adopt it? It's everything you just described....lol....
I hear you sister, men...you can't live with'em and you can't live with'em...
Cathy
ya that one cracked me up..especially how patrick kept saying I'll give you a break tommorow...ok tommorow...ok the next tommorow...until finally on his day off goes off to pty with the guys!
Not trying to butt in, but I think LL hit on a little red herring a few posts ago. Unfortunately, I think it’s a red herring that becomes a kinda self fulfilling thing.
Quote: thing is this... don't appologize for buttin' in, that's why we post after all isn't it? to get many opinions.
I look at my parents m and don't want it...of course it ended so what's to want about it?
I look at h's parents m and though they are still together I don't want anything like their m either.
thing is I don't have any examples of the happy medium and I don't think h does either.
so how to know, where to go, what to do...how to find that happy medium and is h even willing or is this as good as it gets?
LL
FWIW, I don’t think you need a model. If a person (or couple) want to build their own model, then why not? One doesn’t have to have their parents’ M. Nor do they have to have their spouse’s parents’ M.
The unfortunate part is (as you’ve been exploring in the rest of the posts), that in order to build your own model, you need to cooperate, and dare I say it, negotiate.
Is that a possibility for you? As everyone says, you cannot change your spouse, but you can ask them to change themselves. you can ask til you're blue in the face...but if that person just doesn't want to change then all your asking does is send them the message that they aren't good enough and then they leave to go be with ow...
I know you’ve done this before, and the results were less than impressive. I’m in the same boat, and I can certainly tell you that at this point in time, there’s no possibility of negotiation for me. maybe we can negotiate ourselves for a bit longer?
But if you step back and take a look at things from time to time, you may find that things have changed (or could change). If your spouse is caught up in the “I can’t help it… I don’t have any other model to follow” attitude, then you’re kinda stuck.
LL... I think your H hasn't seriously thought about how restrictive your lifestyle is. nope! he's forgotten what he learned during our seperation when I left him alone to deal with the kiddos from 10 am to 8pm on sundays...best fathers day gift I ever gave him was to walk out the door that day and let him become a daddy. But do you honestly believe that he can come and go as he pleases? YUP! he is his own boss...if he wants a day off to go somewhere he can schedule it..if he want's to go get a hair cut he just goes and does it...if he wants to go take a shower he just does..if he has stuff to do around the house he is exempt from child care and just does it...if he's going to a football game or going to be late getting home (what is late anyway there is no typical time for him to arive) he doesn't have to get a sitter or check with me first he is safe to just assume I will be there. If he wants to sit all day and watch football he can with little regard for the kids and I...sure he's not free in the sense that when he does this it can push a wall between us but he is free to do it and now that he has the benefit of a dbing w that doesn't complain about it he's even more free.
I know that I've given more lip service than actual thought about the limitations on my W's days. But at the same time, she has refused to cut me any slack either.
you should be ashamed of yourself for once again trying to put the blame of your headache and your tiredness and your general discontent with your role on your h.
he IS trying...he DOES help out...he DOES do little things for you...and he DOESN'T have any EXPECTATIONS of you to be anything other than who you are!
just because you wake up (or get woken up) on the wrong side of the bed doesn't give you the right to start walking down a path of gee this is all h's fault. So your tired and feel frumpy...get off your but and get back to the gym and stop using the kids as an exuse...sure they're a lot of work and sure they do limit some of what you can do but hon you're smart and resourcefull and can figure out a way to make yourself feel good about yourself for yourself.
Now stop the damn pitty party and pull those damn jeans off the hanger and start wearing them again (bomb time jeans that still fit but not to my liking) stop being frumpy and feeling bad for yourself it's getting you nowhere. get back to the place you were when h came home...not so he'll notice or change but so that you can feel good about yourself again...that's right girl you still got it stop trying to hide it...who cares if the rest of the mothers in town can't keep up with you. They'll like you better when your being you and if they don't well then it's their loss.
you're good enough (maybe even better) you're smart enough (smarter than you think) and gosh darn it people really do like you (even when you think they don't)
and for heavens sake instead of getting annoyed with h for falling asleep on the couch while you flip channels all night or read this bb..remember what you learned while he wasn't sleeping in the house...when you are tired..it's ok to just go to sleep...you aren't going to miss anything and you'll have much more energy during the day and perhaps you wont get so stressed out when the kids just want to be kids.
LL, That was bar none, one of the BEST damn posts I've ever read. Now that's 'self talk' worth listening too!!! I'm going to follow YOUR lead here and post a good piece of my mind to myself over on my own thread!!
Quote: what pisses me off the most though is that I am the one who wakes up to dd crying at 5 am while h stays in bed...sure eventually he gets up and goes to work...but I am still here listening to tears and sibling fights and not having much more than a couple min to breath on my own before I'm found and hear mamma this or mamma that..I don't get a damn lunch break etc....
so h leaves the house and actually brings home the money but while he's at work he has time to go out and grab a bite to eat and take a break...he doesn't have to answer the phone if he doesn't want to he can do things on his time etc...and when he comes home he get's to relax and take a break???? what about me? where's my break or is that just the tough luck of being the one without the penis? 'fraid so can you believe that h sat and watched football all day on sunday...after "his" team's game was over, dinner had been ready and waiting for a 1/2 hr cause the game went into over time...he actually came up and said give me a few to unwind??? wtf were you doing sprawled out on the couch?? thought that was unwinding..ok I'll continue to entertain and cook and fold laundry and you go unwind...wtf??
They DO NOT see it LL. I do not know even ONE mother who could not sing this along with you word-perfect.
I just LOVE your last post, that is brilliant LL. You go girl!
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
the next month or so is going to be pretty tought for me (I assume)
though h has been back home for about a year now it was this time (somewhere between thanksgiving and christmas) of year that I got that dredded call that h would be later than expected (as if that were the real issue) because he had to take someone into boston, yup enter LL's knowledge of ow.
Now I know that this time of year is no different than any other time of year as far as h's ability to be off somewhere doing things or being with people he shouldn't be with...BUT this is the time of year when things start to slow down..the clean-ups for the most part are done and whatever construction jobs going on are being finnished up and if it's not snowing there would seem to be little for h to be doing? That is to say less field work, less likely hood of customers needing apointment to talk about having work done and all around less work being done therefore less paper work for h to do in the office...of course there is the end of the year clean up of the equipment and maintenance of the trucks to over see and the bringing out of the winter equip and putting away of the summer stuff..but when h is at work all day this time of year the questions start to ring.
I don't remember clearly what his schedule was last year as he wasn't fully living here yet...but I do remember just after ow disclosure h was suddenly home early and energetic (taking kids for a walk while I showered and got dinner together) from that point on til the snow started.
I don't know what to believe all the time about what's really going on...is ow really gone? suppose the only way I'd ever know for sure is to just have him followed but don't feel like waisting the money cause I really don't know what I'd do if I found she was.
so be forewarned for some up's and downs from over the next month...not the typical ones but some major fear driven crapola...you know the extra fun ones that you've all grown to love me for.
maybe we can negotiate ourselves for a bit longer? 
