I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[ImprovedRomeo]

You are a natural at this stuff...I'm taking notes LOL

[newmama]

Oh this stuff is learned, baby! lol! GREAT name change, by the way, Romeo! Just wanted to add that I am reminding myself that I don't want a serious relationship...I keep forgetting that dating isn't always a mean to an end. I guess it is for entertainment at this point! And am "practicing" for later!

just came back from my stbxSIL's house where we had a pleasant visit and S's cousins, who are 10 and 11, are starting to show some interest in him! I mean they are big boys and he is 1 but he loooooves to watch them and try to play with them! Oh and my stbxSIL said her oldest son didn't start talking until he was 2 and he is very articulate and does well in school. I am mentioning this because S is only saying momma dadda.

[newmama]

Well what do you know...10:30 p.m. I get a text from zoobrew! "Hey you." The funny thing is that I actually fell asleep! Was tired and crashed. Well at 11:30 I heard my phone buzz and it was another friend texting. So I look at it and then realize zoobrew had texted me!

So I reply back and after a few exchanges he says "this texting is for the birds... I'm calling!"

And what do you know...he asked "did you just get back or something?" I didn't tell him I was sleeping,lol! But I did tell him that I don't normally go out every Friday night because I have my son, so I go out on Saturday nights. When he asked why I went out last Friday I said that I had arranged babysitting and will do that once in awhile but it was just a fluke...going out both Fri and Sat nights!


So we talked for another couple hours but I was trying to gently let him know that I had to go to bed because my son would get up in 5.5 hours...and then it was 5 hours...I was saying "I really am enjoying talking to you but my son is going to get up very soon..." and he kept talking. I finally said "well we should say good night because I have to get up in 5 hours." And he said "ok well let's talk again...soon!" and I said "sure, yes!"

I did not ask him "when are we going to go out? What do you have available?" because that would be controlling. But I am such a planner and I do need to know if I need to get babysitting!

Now in the middle of the conversation, I think I brought up the next date (briefly) and discussed kayaking a little. Well we still didn't get around to planning when we would do it. I do have to make reservations...if I could figure out when! I think I might have asked him if that is what he still wanted to do or something but then he said something like "yeah, my week has been crazy! that's why I haven't called you..." but it was not super clear.

I was tired and not on top of my game and said some stupid things! embarrassing! But I think by the end left with a good impression! Oh well....the real me can be an airhead once in awhile. Nobody's perfect!

I DID detect a little defensiveness from him at various points, though.

again...I need to relax because this is just for fun, nothing serious!

[courageous wife]

I did not ask him "when are we going to go out? What do you have available?" because that would be controlling.

You didn't ask because NM is not worried about when the next "date" is going to be...she is a strong, busy woman who has an awesome life and if he calls...great and if not...no big deal cause you don't NEED HIM to validate you!!! Or, something like that!!!

Have you read Why Men Love Bitches?


BTW...glad he called!

[newmama]

is it weird that I am still in touch w/ my stbxSIL?

[newmama]

thanks CW! yes thoughts become feelings which become actions....

I kind of realized this week that my self esteem isn't so hot. How annoying!!!to me and others!

[whatisis]

is it weird that I am still in touch w/ my stbxSIL?

Not weird at all! If you can maintain a friend R that excludes talk about your STBX then why not. Often when you separate you lose not only the R with spouse but the R with everyone around spouse who have been your family for years. If you can keep in touch and it's not negative for you then go ahead. If not, that's OK too.

[newmama]

well we talk about her husband and her marriage or S. She is having a very hard time with her H! SInce they remarried...but is hanging in there. I think he was/is a controlling a-hole and is self centered and immature before he divorced her and still is. Maybe she was supposed to stay divorced, you know?

Seriously--not all marriages should be saved!

[WhatNow]

Hey nm!

I've been following along, cheering you on from the sidelines, but have NO advice or helpful suggestions when it comes to dating!!

With the SIL question, no, it is not weird. In-law relationships do not end b/c the marriage does. She will always be your sister if you choose. My step-kids will always be my stepkids, H's cousins will always be my cousins, etc. The beauty of the situation is that you get to choose which relationships to maintain. YOu can let go of the H's crazy relatives and keep the ones you want. This is best for S as well. It is great you have a good R with his aunt! and his cousins.

My Mom and my Dad's sister did become like sisters. When my parents D'd, that R suffered a bit but recovered. Had it not, I doubt I would have seen my Dad's family at all or had any kind of R with my cousins. It is us women who maintain such ties.

[newmama]

Oh thanks, WN! Stbxh just picked up S and I told him that we visited his sister and that S had fun playing with his (10 and 11 year old) cousins. He asked how his sister was doing. I shared that she was making and selling purses and was very talented with that. I added that I found out that their (step)dad's wife divorced him and that I heard he was visiting their mom! Yep- their mom divorced dad, mom divorced stepdad. Dad and stepdad each remarried. Stepdad always loved his mom, despite his remarriage. Well, stepdad went out to visit their mom for a couple of weeks! (Who has MS and is in a wheelchair btw).

Why was I sharing this stuff with stbxh? Something to do with me not wanting to lose the bond. Or what? I don't know.

I am looking at our disgusting front yard and thinking of how I want to make a good impression on any of my dates if they ever get to the point where they pick me up at my house (like zoobrew). So I ask stbxh what I can do to work on the yard to clean it up a bit. He said he would do it.


He said he was going to take a couple of days off from work "some time" and come over to the house to work on the yard.

OK off to clean the house for my best friend's visit--we are going out tonight with her and her H and maybe another friend! Yippee!