I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

today's horoscope:
You have come a long way... but you've still got a long way to go. How much are you enjoying the current section of your journey? You may wish you could move things on more quickly but you are not the only driver. This week, you can press on the imaginary accelerator as much as you wish but you would be better off using your time more constructively. There are precious sights to see and valuable encounters to enjoy. Don't worry that you'll be stuck where you are now forever. Appreciate what's good about it while it lasts. ..a rare, powerful alignment now touches all our lives.

haha! I am not the only driver! Ok off to catch up on some news and then run some errands with S (stopping at the park for him, of course!). I can't wait to go back to work though. Need the mental stimulation!

[courageous wife]

Hi NM! You are sounding so good! Love it that you are keeping all your mind open and it does seem that you are ready to get out there and "do this thing"!!! The key will be to go slow and not fall fast and hard for someone!

Your horoscope is kinda scary isn't it??? Not that it is saying scary things but that it seems to be pretty accurate at the moment!!!

[Seeing Red]

Hey Courageous Wife,

Check out Cainer.com for your free horoscope. I usually just follow them for fun, but this guy seems to unerringly accurate. Kinda creepy.

Mine (Leo) says something I've been waiting for a long time will happen this week. I'm anxious to see what it might be as I have several things besides my marriage that I've been working on for some time. Can't wait for the rest of the week! Too bad it's only Monday, lol!

[xin]

And it is part of the grieving process for me to acknowledge the good parts of my life with him. And that it doesn't mean I am not moving on! It means I am mourning what was.

NMM,

I agree with you about this. I've acknowledged my H's good qualities to friends and family whom i've shared my sitch with as well. I believe by acknowledging that my M was not all bad, I am less likely to become bitter and more likely to continue to believe in R and M.

I like to think that my H's lack of commitment to our M is but a flaw in his character, as none of us is perfect. And it is a flaw in my character to look pass hints of H's withdrawal from our M. In acknowledging my responsiblitt for where my M is, I believe I would be less likely to make repeat the same mistake.

[newmama]

OK need a little dating advice...I am kinda rusty you know!

Last night, I still hadn't heard from zoobrew so I kept getting this feeling that I should reach out.

I wasn't going to because he has his kids this week and made some comment or 2 last time I saw him about how he focuses 100% on his kids when they are there.

I mean we ARE going on a second date for sure, but something kept telling me that I should text or call him!

So I did send a friendly text that said something like hello and looking forward to setting up our kayaking adventure~

He he replied in French at first then I asked him how he was and he said he just got back from a late night walk with the kiddos and is about to settle in for a late night movie with them.

Well I smiled so big when I read that! I thought "awww! What a fun dad!I never got to do that kind of stuff with my dad!"

So I replied something like that the kids were lucky and to have a good evening.

He replied that last night he had them in bed by 9, but since it was summer, and since he has the kids every other week, he makes the most of the time he has with them.

I wondered if he misinterpreted my comment since he sounded a bit defensive (DAMN TEXTING!) so I just replied with something like Absolutely, the summer's great! I won't keep texting you but have a good night!

He replied with "please don't feel that you are intruding...You're not! :)"

So I didn't reply because 1) I didn't want to keep texting him while he was with his kids, watching a movie 2)How many times do you say "Good Night" 3) I really was pretty tired 4)I don't want to come on too strong and push him away!

Last Friday when we briefly chatted, we kind of mentioned something about maybe going out this Wed. I said that I could get babysitting, he said he could talk to his ex, and then he said "well we can figure it out later!" I might have said "Ok let's touch base soon!" and that was that.

NOW MY QUESTIONS- Was I supposed to be the one to call him next since he called me on Friday? Is it too late now to ask him if he can do it tomorrow night? Should I wait for him to call me next?

I did set up possible babysitting (just in case but can cancel no problem)

Thank you! Being married is easier than dating, I swear! (har har- you guys of all people know I am kidding)

[Virtually_Handsome]

Call him.

[ImprovedRomeo]

NM, my advice just be yourself. We're not in highschool anymore and I hate the dating games. As long as we're not pushy and can read the signals in order to reciprocate who cares what the dating rule book says?

Also I don't think he was being defensive about the kids...I think he was trying to impress you by saying he knows summers are supposed to be fun and a bit of 'appropriate' spoiling of the kids is OK with him.

Finally, just like with other things in life you're allowed to make a mistake or two. If not you don't want someone like that anyway.

If it feels OK to YOU then call him and ask him about tomorrow night or give him another option to choose from because he could have plans for tomorrow night.

[newmama]

Thanks guys! Well, Romeo, you said to be myself! So true...basic and simple..but have you not been following my threads for the last 10 months to see how anxious I can get? lol! Still, you are right. When I am interested in someone, I want them to show their ineterest in me. So here is what I think and what I need regardless of game playing etc.

Last night, I reached out to him via text (hoping we could talk on the phone if his kids were in bed).

But now I would like him to show his interest in seeing me by calling me next (or texting). I did say I wanted to set up our kayak date!He knows I am interested!

There is a "dance" to expressing interest vs. being too pushy! Think of what we have learned with DBing!

I also need to remember there is no rush!

[ImprovedRomeo]

I hear you NM! all of us get anxious and need advice for our situations. Others can advise us because they're removed from the situation and can take a 1000 ft view of things. But you're smart and your instincts are pretty good...believe that

But now I would like him to show his interest in seeing me by calling me next (or texting). I did say I wanted to set up our kayak date!He knows I am interested!

See what I mean? you answered your own question and that's a perfectly reasonable expectation.

The only concern I have is, not necessarily you but him, making similar assumptions and having certain expectations and without saying anything we sometimes end up ruining a good thing. Like for example he might think "well she said she's going to set it up so I shouldn't act pushy and let her tell me the plans when she's had the time to work on them. I did say I was interested in the kayak trip"

Of course, this is just my PoV because this was the problem in my marriage. STBXW had expectations of me which I didn't know about and vice-versa which built up resentment and the feelings of 'he/she doesn't care about me'.

[newmama]

Of course, this is just my PoV because this was the problem in my marriage. STBXW had expectations of me which I didn't know about and vice-versa which built up resentment and the feelings of 'he/she doesn't care about me'.

I can kind of relate..."assumptions" are dangerous! I think stbxh wanted me to know what he was thinking.

I had an "aha" this afternoon....it was that the things stbxh and I had in common were not always good...

+both conflict avoiders
+both guarded
+both needed admiration (who doesn't?)
+both didn't want to hurt the other.....

hmmm.