I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

NM, here's all you ever wanted to know about the household fixes and more:

http://www.amazon.com/Black-Decker-Complete-Photo-Repair/dp/1589234170

http://www.amazon.com/New-Fix-Yourself-Manual-Everything/dp/0895778718

Get yourself a starter toolset from Sears and a cordless drill/driver and you're ready to rock and roll. I don't think a toolbelt's necessary really.

Thanks for the suggestions! But I HAVE to get a toolbelt...it's like how I secretly love wearing my teacher lanyard (AT MY SCHOOL) because I feel so fortunate and proud to be a teacher! (I don't wear it in public--that is over the top and I like to have some anonymity as I drink beer at the neighborhood pub, lol!)

[WhatNow]

But I HAVE to get a toolbelt...

And they look so good with a thong! lol

just get the right color leather to contrast with your skin tone! lol

[newmama]

haha Whatnow! Another dress up idea for the bedroom! You are so spunky! What is WRONG with your H? (and mine and all of our cheating spouses! FOOLS!)

[CityGirl]

I don't really like car stuff either but I am glad I know a little bit just in case. It is hot and dirty under the hood and I am terrified something is going to explode in my face.

Get a fancy tool belt! Girl, I will wear my high heels and walk around with my toolbox! There is no reason to look like a lumberjack while fixing stuff! LOL!

Romeo - you said your STBX is pretty handy... my neighbor (male) was telling me a while back I was becoming too independent and it would turn men off. I thought that was a very strange thing to say! I have no patience for skittish women who act like they can't do anything... so annoying! I would drop over dead trying before I asked my H to do ANYTHING for me. And then I still wouldn't ask!

[newmama]

OK am feeling upset and cried...

so my tire was flat. I knew stbxh was coming over to pick up S and would be working on the list of to do items I gave him (hey- it's the LEAST he can do) so I texted him to ask if he could please show me how to change the tire.

(HEY- at least I asked him to help me, not do it for me!)

well he replied that he would be able to take it into the tire shop nearby to get it patched. (Guess you don't change a tire for every flat? Duh for me)

So I told him that I would do that once he picked up S and thanked him for explaining it to me.

He arrived, took care of the list, got some grease on his pants (haha! Won't OW ask "why do you have grease on your pants?" and he will have to tell her he was helping me! Who needs lipstick?)

So he put some air in my tire so that I could drive it to the place, then he proceeded to suggest I go to this one tire center closest to our house. I saw that it closed by 6 so as soon as he was done, and packed S in the carseat, I took off. (I didn't feel right leaving him alone at the house)
Before he left he said "let me know if you need help with the tire, ok?"

So I am driving along, and I saw his car but didn't know if he saw me or not, since he didn't wave and I was not about to wave to him!
I saw him up ahead, moving into the left turn lane. I thought to myself "why is he taking this way home? Doesn't he live further east?"

So I try to find the tire center in rush hour traffic and fail. I am headed to the other tire center. I think to myself "this sucks. I have 25 minutes to make it to the other place before it closes. It's rush hour- am I going to make it? Can I wait until tomorrow?"

(by the way I have to get this tire repaired before Wed a.m. because I am driving down south to get his pics taken)

So...after much hesitation, I call stbxh to ask him if he thought I would be able to wait until tomorrow, or would the tire leak overnight. He said "didn't you see me show you where to turn?" WELL I FELT SOOOOOOOO STUPID!!!!!

1) he took a different way home, anticipating that I would need help finding the place (he was right- I had my GPS but it didn't show up on it)

2) he was not really turning left, he was showing me!

3) he could have called me to tell me he was helping me!

4)how dare he know I was going to get lost?????grrrr!

So I said "oh, er, uh...well I will try to go back and find it. and he tried to explain where it was, I was stumped and he FINALLY said "you know, by the place where we got those steaks?"

BINGO. I knew instantly. Why the f didn't he just tell me that to begin with?

But I try to find it, miss the turn, see that traffic sucks super galore, realize I could just go tomorrow and bring a stroller to take S for a walk while they fix it.

I look down and see a text from him that says "let me know when you find the place."

When I got home I texted him "I am waiting until tomorrow. The place was closing in 15 minutes. I didn't realize you were trying to show me how to get there. Thanks for trying!"

But the messed up thing is that I was bawling! I felt so embarrassed that I couldn't find the damn place, and he was right in knowing I would get lost, and I wanted to not need him!
I didn't know that until this happened. I don't want to need his help!!!!If I had family to rely on (I don't---they are a bunch of dysfunctional flaky screw ups) I wouldn't need to ask him.

[newmama]

[quote]Romeo - you said your STBX is pretty handy... my neighbor (male) was telling me a while back I was becoming too independent and it would turn men off. I thought that was a very strange thing to say! I have no patience for skittish women who act like they can't do anything... so annoying! I would drop over dead trying before I asked my H to do ANYTHING for me. And then I still wouldn't ask![/quote]

Damn. read this after I posted. I feel that way now, in the moment.

But is your neighbor male or female?

And in the Art of Seduction, they mention that when women or men do something that the opposite sex normally does, we tend to find it alluring. Like men who carry their babies or push strollers...very sexy!!! I agree 100%! (But there is a line...men who wear lipstick or high heels...so not sexy! guess I am close minded, lol!)

[newmama]

and now I just re-read my post. In the beginning it says "it's the least he can do" (help me)

the end (after the whole tire event--gee, maybe learning some basic stuff about cars would be useful) says "I don't want to need his help!"

???????????

[ImprovedRomeo]

OK if WhatNow puts it that way...I'm all for a toolbelt NM!!

CG, STBXW knew the few basics when I met her. She grew up back east (Rochester,NY) and was a poor college student with an old beatup car. There were only a few mechanics that worked on those old cars so one of them took pity on her and showed her how to check a few things like toping-off the oil which was getting recycled by going back to the ground whenever she parked or out the tailpipe when she drove it.

Long story short, I've been an uber car nut all my life. She used to go to the race tracks with me when I was racing cars, she used to help me with any major car surgery in the garage etc. So in the process she not only learnt but also started enjoying the cars and appreciating them differently than before. She even joined a car club herself and enjoyed attending their gatherings etc.

So I guess in a round-about way what I'm saying is since I was the one that taught her all that I loved her for it. Same with the computers- so to me it's a turn-on and my fruits of love...but of course it'll be a turn off to some other guy because she posses that knowledge due to a 10 year history of ours.

In your case though since you're learning on your own to me that would be a big turn-on too. However, your neighbor does have a valid point...when women rely on us men we feel valued, we feel wanted, we want to be the rescuers, we want to fix stuff for you, we want to be your Popeyes, we like our girls to think we're the best guy on the planet for them. But that doesn't mean you can't possess skills. It's like me meeting a girl that knows how to ride bikes, that's awesome...well as long as she learnt it from her dad and not her previous boyfriend

[courageous wife]

Oh NM!!! So sorry about the tire fiasco! I absolutely hate anything that has to do with fixing my vehicle! And, you had S with you so that is even more nerve racking...hoping that it doesn't go flat again on the way! Hopefully it won't be flat again in the morning!

Don't worry about the crying...I think you must have needed a release and the tire was the trigger!

That was nice of your H to try and show you the way but it might have been nice if he had waved or texted (not while driving of course) so that you would see him and know what was going on!

[awest1217]

NM don't feel bad. A while ago I broke down because of a broken faucet in the bathroom. I looked on the internet and after H fell through, I did it myself. I cried to him first about it not working because I was upset and overwhelmed with life, but I learned to do it myself from the internet and now am very proud of all I have learned to do (some because my step-dad is a fixer upper and some because I have taught myself).

Just pick yourself up and keep on going because for many of us single moms it is all a learning experience.