She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[par4me]

I am sure it will bring you a little closure. I still live in our old house. I don't know if I should move. I thought about it. She got all of her stuff out so it looks different. I still just can't believe this happened. When does the shock go away and is there something worse behind the shock?

[steady]

SM, what I meant was she isn't getting the reaction out of me she wants or is expecting.

This pisses them off more than anything. They need to push the buttons and get negative reactions in order to keep feeding their rationalizations of why they are doing what they are doing.

She tells me and my D15 how proud she's been of me for making all these changes, then the other day she goes on her rant and say's I haven't changed at all.

Happened to me Thanksgiving of '08. Told me how grateful she was that I was there, how proud she and her family was of me, how her mom wished her father would change..blah, blah, blah. Two months later, she bails. Wait till time passes and they can't keep switching up the shells. It may be interesting.

This is the first time since she first dropped the bomb that she's starting to become mean again. I'm maintaining my cool and actually looking forward to moving on. It's unfortunate but necessary at this point.

Her meanness is just to get the reaction she wants so she can feel better about what she's doing.

I love her still, but I would never be with this woman as she is now.

I can totally relate to this.

Her and my daughters will be moving out in the next week and the house will be rented out. I'll find myself something else to rent or buy, and move on.

Hopefully this will finally bring me some sort of peace and closure.

It will bring you change. Closure depends on what you do with it. If you keep moving forward it will help with closure.

[steady]

When does the shock go away and is there something worse behind the shock?

The shock goes away. Behind it are the smaller after shocks. They grow weaker and further between until they disappear.

[WalkingMan]

They say divorce is as bad emotionally as a death. Make sure you take your time and move on. It's going to take time and how long depends on you. You really need to continue the changes now for you. Soon, you will realize and revel in your new freedom. freedom from the rollercoaster, freedom from the XW's control, freedom from limbo.

[tbart01]

This morning my W came by the house because it was my weekend and my D4 was sick.

While she was here she was here I told I had rented the house out. She asked me to hold off because she wanted us to see a financial planner to make sure it was the right decision. I reminded her that it was the only decision at this point because the house is worth just as much as we owe since we just refinanced.

Then she was up set when she found out I was looking to buy something for myself. She started to cry a little and asked if I would help her move this weekend. I told her no because it was my weekend and I planned to use it for me. She has always found a reason for me to come over on my weekends, well that will be no more.

She then called me later this afternoon and asked me where I was getting the money for the down payment on my new place. She also didn't like where I was looking to move because it wasn't where she wanted me to move.

She told me that I had to think about my D15 and how she would get home from school. Wow, I have to think about all of this? That's pretty funny since this was all her decision.

As a matter of fact, last time I checked she no longer had a say in anything I do. Through all of this she's still trying to control me.

[robx]

This morning my W came by the house because it was my weekend and my D4 was sick.

While she was here she was here I told I had rented the house out. She asked me to hold off because she wanted us to see a financial planner to make sure it was the right decision. I reminded her that it was the only decision at this point because the house is worth just as much as we owe since we just refinanced.

Then she was up set when she found out I was looking to buy something for myself. She started to cry a little and asked if I would help her move this weekend. I told her no because it was my weekend and I planned to use it for me. She has always found a reason for me to come over on my weekends, well that will be no more.

She then called me later this afternoon and asked me where I was getting the money for the down payment on my new place. She also didn't like where I was looking to move because it wasn't where she wanted me to move.

She told me that I had to think about my D15 and how she would get home from school. Wow, I have to think about all of this? That's pretty funny since this was all her decision.

As a matter of fact, last time I checked she no longer had a say in anything I do. Through all of this she's still trying to control me.

Just tell her that she has to trust the decisions you will be making now because you've had to go along with all of the decisions she has made recently that affected you and your family.

No need to be mean or punitive.

[tbart01]

I haven't, nor will I be mean about anything. It's to the point now that if I wonder about something I don't even bother to bring it up. I just figure at this point it doesn't matter.

I know she's stressed about something because she's been very quiet and she cleaned when she came home. She cleans for no reason when she's stressed.

[steady]

This morning my W came by the house because it was my weekend and my D4 was sick.

While she was here she was here I told I had rented the house out. She asked me to hold off because she wanted us to see a financial planner to make sure it was the right decision. I reminded her that it was the only decision at this point because the house is worth just as much as we owe since we just refinanced.

Good for you. Hold your ground. If it's the best decision then stick with it.

Then she was up set when she found out I was looking to buy something for myself.

Did she tell you why she was getting upset?

She started to cry a little and asked if I would help her move this weekend. I told her no because it was my weekend and I planned to use it for me. She has always found a reason for me to come over on my weekends, well that will be no more.

Good. A boundary. Stick to it. I had bought luggage for my trip last week with my kids. My W is taking a cruise with her entire family, except our kids. I thought about offering her my new luggage to use. But I rethought it. She's treating me like a mat, lying and fabricating events and attempting to get a court order. I think I'll keep the luggage to myself.

She then called me later this afternoon and asked me where I was getting the money for the down payment on my new place. She also didn't like where I was looking to move because it wasn't where she wanted me to move.

To tell or not to tell about where you were getting the money depends. Is it money she would be getting half of? Perhaps her inquiry is based on the fact she is looking at a life of not owning a home right now and she doesn't want you to. Misery loves company. Maybe it's something else.

She told me that I had to think about my D15 and how she would get home from school. Wow, I have to think about all of this? That's pretty funny since this was all her decision.

Just assure her you have your daughters best interest at heart.

As a matter of fact, last time I checked she no longer had a say in anything I do. Through all of this she's still trying to control me.

The only say she has is something that affects your ability to co-parent, decisions you make regarding your D which are joint decisions, anything that directly impacts your W.

I'll give you a great example of my W's moves. I had my S Sat night. It's my W's weekend, but we had a minor league ballgame to go to for the cub scouts. The plan was for my S to sleep at my brother's house - that's where I stay when my W has the kids. So we stayed only for a few innings because he got bored. He's still adjusting to the time zone change since we got back on Thu. He was up late Sat night and woke up late on Sun. About 15 min after she picked him up I get a text asking what time he went to bed and what time he woke. My W said she was asking because she wanted to know where he was at in his sleep pattern because he was starting summer camp Mon (today) and she had to get him up by 7.

I know my W. It was irrelevent where he is in his sleep pattern. He told her we watched two episodes of Star Wars, he woke up late. We're in the middle of a custody battle and she is constantly trying to find things to hold against me. So rather than give her the times, I suggested she not let him nap, put him to bed on time, wake him up at 7am on Mon. If he is tired he will fall asleep on time on Mon night.

Well she didn't like that answer. She texted a few more times asking for the specific times. I ignored them. An hour later I get a text and she tells me my S has a Dr. appointment Mon at 4:40. Well I have both my kids at that time. I sent a text telling her she needs to consult with me before she schedules anything for my kids when it's my time to have them.

I told her I made plans after they get home. If she wanted to take hiim during the day she could. If not, she can handle it when she has him, or I'll handle it when I have him. I said it wasn't urgent and it's something we saw the Dr for 3 weeks ago. A minor skin condition which had cleared up on one part of his body but now showed up on another. Most likely poison ivy. My W is like Chicken Little.

Of course I get no text back. She won't address the fact she needs to talk to me before making any appointments during my time with my kids.

This morning I get a text asking me if I stopped giving my S his medication for his anxiety. I sent her a text back telling her I followed the plan we made with my S psychiatrist where we would taper him off every two weeks and get him off the meds for the summer.

My W then sends a text to my SIL telling her how mad she is at me for not telling her I took him off the meds... blah, blah, blah. My SIL called me and asked, "Why the hell is she calling me? I don't care about her complaints. She acts like I'm one of her girlfriends..." I laughed. I did exactly what we had agreed to do, and still that warranted some kind of complaint.

So you see tbart, you're not the only one who is being peppered with control stuff from the spouse. I sat there wondering if I have to deal with this kind of crap for the next 14 years till my D is 18. I really hope not.

[robx]

stressed?

well that's an easy one,
she made decisions regarding everyone's future (including her own) without fulling weighing the consequences of those decisions, it was easy when she only visualized the positive results of her decisions but when she starts to encounter the possible negative side effects, all of a sudden it's not as great an idea.

Fantasy is great until it finally collides with Reality, when it does "fantasyland" aka "planet fruitopia" disappears pretty damn quick!

[Piano]

^^ This!