and look how confident knightinneed sounds now, amazing how a change of scenery can do that, listen to his attitude, he's a champ, a world beater because he finally had the guts to step out of his "comfort" zone to realize that where he was originally wasn't all that comfortable to begin with.
And you can thank Gucci for that inspiration because that's where I got most of mine ;-)
take it easy there soldier LOL! I'm not advocating that you hump the first skirt you come in contact with, just go out and enjoy some social interaction, remember what it used to feel like, boost your confidence and self-esteem a bit to where it needs to be during all of this.
I've just been hanging on to this sinking ship for so long that it's time to lift myself up.
I really need to detach and set her free for myself first. i still very much love her, but I dodn't like who she is right now. She can be nice, but she tries to talk negatively about me too much.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
I don't really have any advice for you right now. I think robx has given you plenty of good stuff. Whether or not your W has someone else is kind of irrelevant at this point. It would make some things make more sense but in reality it's her thing and has nothing to do with you.
I wouldn't even bother with a lunch or coffee. Maybe there's a more impersonal way to handle the stuff you would do over a face to face. I've found texting and emailing as a perfect way to share information about the kids. That way I don't even have to deal with her and crap that comes up in face to face interactions.
When my W told me she wanted to separate during one of our MC sessions, she basically said she wanted to do a legal separation. She then added "It doesn't mean we're going to D, my L said that a lot of people stay M and get back together. I just want to do it legally so everything is spelled out." When I got up to go to the bathroom, our MC told my W that she better not be playing a game with me. She told her if she wants out of the marriage she needs to say that and not play some game about 'legal separation, maybe get back together.' She told my W I deserved the straight truth and not some BS.
When I got back my W said she didn't want to be married anymore.
It makes me wonder if your W is trying to play the same game. I'd agree with robx about you being some kind of cushion to fall back on - whether there is someone else or not.
I imagine my W has had someone in the wings because most women don't take the leap without a parachute - it's very rare. I have no proof, but I would take a good guess that there is. At this point I don't care. That's her thing and has nothing to do with my life.
The same advice holds true. Take care of yourself and your D. Keep building your life. Don't let her dictate terms of you dating - I'd actually go opposite of what she suggests as part of her control attempt.
I would highly recommend this:
Originally Posted By: robx
Your position should probably be: "I'm not sure about us anymore, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, you giving me permission to date other women only gives me insight into our current relationship problems, if you're willing to entertain the possibility of sharing me with other women, maybe it's safe to assume you've started dating other men, why would anyone give their spouse permission to date other people? I hope you're happy with whoever this person is, you should be with him, I won't stand in your way anymore. Good luck with him."
Smile and walk away and do just that, move on, detach, let go of her, date other women, she's been in control for so long, what happens to her when you actually take her up on the offer and find a great woman who actually wants to be with you, guess what, she loses control of you and the situation she's created and that's when this dynamic changes.
Find a way to put it into one of your interactions. But make sure you mean it when you say it.
I've detached from my W to the point where I have no interest in even interacting with her at all. Of course I have to for information about the kids but that's it. That all gets done through text and email - and now I even do that through a third party.
It may change some of the dynamics, but it really doesn't matter to me. I'm not doing it to create some 'change', I'm doing it because it's right for ME. I could care less what impact it has on her. That makes all the difference.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
...I imagine my W has had someone in the wings because most women don't take the leap without a parachute - it's very rare. I have no proof, but I would take a good guess that there is. At this point I don't care. That's her thing and has nothing to do with my life.
I've heard it put other ways but this is just as good if not better, this is very true a lot of the time, not 100% of the time but a lot!
You're correct, there really isn't any more advice you can give that hasn't already been given. Also, it really doesn't matter at this point, because I really don't care.
It's very unfortunate that she's chosen to cash in, but it's her mistake that she will possibly one day regret. All I'm trying to do right now is enjoy every moment spent with my daughters, and moving on for my own sanity.
Work has kept me from having my weekend with the girls for almost a month. I'm off and have them this weekend, and it's been the happiest I've been in awhile.
I don't like knowing that this is really happening, but I'm doing allot better than I thought I would. It's really sad to see her act like she does, but what can I do? All I do is blow it off and move on. She doesn't get the rise out of me she wants.
It's very hard to go down this road, but I'll be ok and I honestly believe that. I'm just concentrating on moving on to save myself, and to make sure I'm there for my daughters.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
SM, what I meant was she isn't getting the reaction out of me she wants or is expecting.
She tells me and my D15 how proud she's been of me for making all these changes, then the other day she goes on her rant and say's I haven't changed at all.
This is the first time since she first dropped the bomb that she's starting to become mean again. I'm maintaining my cool and actually looking forward to moving on. It's unfortunate but necessary at this point.
Like I stated before I'm hanging on to a sinking ship. I need to move on before I let myself sink with it. I love her still, but I would never be with this woman as she is now.
Her and my daughters will be moving out in the next week and the house will be rented out. I'll find myself something else to rent or buy, and move on.
Hopefully this will finally bring me some sort of peace and closure.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
