Oh! You are soooo right on that one, Allen. In her mind it is "just playboy"....she would absolutely die if she knew what all he was/is up to. She is a fine, upstanding, regular church goer and thinks he is an angel on earth!
I once caught my soon-to-be ex looking at Playboy, years after I first caught it and asked him not to. He just laughed and said, "I read it for the articles." ha ha.
The joke was on me. I believed him. Years later, I came to find porn (and not-so-soft porn) on my computer, where he was a member of that (and a gazillion other escort sites).
Then I found a piece of paper in his wallet with names, Websites and prices for an hour, two hours and a night. Then, I called some of the contacts in his phone, and he was furious. (They were all women) for which he had an-other excuse.
There was violence, and a separation, and now we are going through a divorce. He plans to see one of his prostitutes next week. (Ask me how I know).
We are also going to court for domestic violence very soon. It is not only addictive, but depraved and heinous to those they once proclaimed to love.
We are not sick. It is they who put us in our abyss, who are to blame, who need to take responsibility for their depravity. And if they are not ready, they need to be pushed, ordered by a judge or simply removed from your presence. Just my humble opinion.
I don't know what my now-ex was doing for sure, but in January I stopped by his new house to drop off stuff for the kids. He had run an errand and left door unlocked. I went in to drop things off and right on his boxes of crap he left a stack of misc papers. On top was a receipt for a local (in the greater metro area) hotel. He had a house finally, so he didn't need a motel. Who knows who he met or what they did? Ick...
There is a song "Slow Fade" that kind of relates to this, things start out 'harmless' but they grow with time. As was recently posted, it escalates because the initial soft stuff stops giving them the 'high' and they need more stimulation. Just sad, really. I can't imagine anyone caught up in that having any sense of pride. My ex gets very angry about a lot of things and my IC says that is all of his anger at himself, but he can't face what he has become, what he has done, so he pushes the anger out onto me, his job, his life, anything but himself.
All I know if after this experience, I will NEVER have a relationship with a man if I know he uses porn, no matter how 'harmless' he thinks it is.
I had read somewhere that the addicts FIRST RUSH is always their best and they spend the rest of their addiction trying to recreate that and keep failing.. so they up the dose hoping to get the first rush again only to STILL FAIL... so they keep upping the dose and pursuing that first time again and again until they crash apart comletely...
Frightening thought... but it all makes sense.. infidelity this makes sense too...
The first time tehy cheated it was exciting and they keep wanting to recreate that but they can't quite get it, so they try again and again... They get riskier and make more mistakes, get caught and it slowly falls apart after that...
As a male who has seen his share, the answer is a resounding yes.
It is sexually repressive It is emotionally unhealthy It is a distraction from his spouse It sets false expectations of and for women It objectifies women and spouse It is time and energy (and $$) NOT spent on spouse/family Porn is an interesting conflict. The sex that is "sought" in porn negates it happening "in reality". Thus a chain.
There is an entire section in "No More Mr Nice Guy" that deals with this addiction/habit.
Fascinating reading. Changed my view completely. It was part of my "self-analysis" Browsed through a copy at Chapters/Indigo and POW-right in the face.
