So good to see you post. Merry Christmas and Happy New year. I have wondered how you were doing and as you don't usually post unless things are going downhill, I figured all was as good as could be expected.
I have moved to Thriving, oh um, surviving. Things aren't perfect but I am moving on with just the occasional hic-cup! Come visit some time. I miss you oh snarky one.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well it wouldn't be me without a good Ole' Fashioned Dramafest! We (me, kids & H) spent New Years Eve together. Just hanging out at his mom's. She was out of town and her dogs are psycho so they need supervision when there are fireworks (or idiots firing guns at midnight...seriously, the bullets come back down folks. Use your head.) He had offered to watch D13mos for the Troll that night but she refused and had him watch her that morning. So around 9:30 she calls him to chat and he tells her hes with the kids and needs to go. So she sends a text that says "Sorry for bugging you" and then nothing else. SO the next afternoon I go to get us all something to drink and I get a phone call from him asking where we are and to be careful on our way back. Sweet, but weird. Remember, Troll is at his mom's rental house and its only a few blocks away from MILs house. So as we (me & DD8) are pulling into MILs driveway, my phone rings and its Troll. I answer and she sits there for a minute & hangs up. So I call her back and leave a vm that simply says, "You called me, if you have something to say...say it." So then I get a text from her: I just want to wish you and H a very hapy new year and hopefully you guys can make things work this year. RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!! So I tell H that this is going on and he tells me she called him in tears saying, "Apparently you only wish your loved-ones Happy New Year" and other dramatic crap. So he wasn't answering his phone anymore because she was on a roll, blowing up his phone and being a nut-case.
The kids and I pull out of the driveway and the phone rings again, its her...so I answer.
She basically recites the text message to me and I reply, "Um, Thank you?!" So then she launches into wanting to know why H doesn't just pack his stuff up and come home now, why is he still at his mom's, and other stuff on this line. I just keep replying that its not her business and that she needn't worry about things that don't concern her. I told her that she should probably spend her time worrying about things that were her concern like being a co-parent with H and being a mother to her children.
Then she tells me that she is going to at my house when she comes to pick up D13mos and I said, "OK, whats your poing?" "I'm not afraid." Then it was about how I'm not going to be mean to her and I agreed and said that I had not intention of being mean to her.
Then she started in on how I have huge problems (WTF?!?! DId you seriously just say I have huge problems? Ummmm Pot, Kettle is on line 2 for you!) How could I possibly take H back and that everytime I looked at their D that I would be reminded of how H cheated on me.
By this time I am growing weary of this conversation and you can't reason with an unreasonable person so I asked her what it was she wanted and if causing drama was what she was going to do for the rest of our lives. Her reply was yes. So I let her have it...I told her that just so we were all CLEAR on things that I had given H the opportunity to go and live his life and be with her and HE had chosen not to do so. I reminded her that his plans did not include her, no matter what happened between he and I. I also told her that everyone including H knew that she was desperate enough to have a baby just to keep him and that it was sad and pathetic for her to keep trying to hang on after it was done and to MOVE ON!!
So then she asks me, "When was the last time H told you we were together?" I was done, so I told her, "Look Troll if you are still f*cking him then you really ARE dumber than I ever gave you credit for being, you stupid f*ing whore!" & I hung up the phone. Not my finest 8 minutes of parenting but it felt good nevertheless. Needless to say, she has left me alone and I'm so truly grateful for that.
She continued to harrass him all that day and for the next 2 days. Finally she told him that she wanted to make him miserable like she is and again, that if she had known that things would be this way, she would have never had the baby. WOW! I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly sad I think that is. What a waste. After the last 2 or 3 blow-outs they have had, I think they are truly & finally done for good. I know H has been but I think he has finally convinced her of it.
Things between us are pretty good, I mean we have our good days and our bad days, but we are getting better about communicating and not letting the bad days become personal and counter-productive. There is still a long road ahead, but I can't look past today and whatever it brings. For once I am learning to just enjoy what is now and "be still."
Love to you all, couldn't have gotten here without any of you.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Haha. Nice to see that she can't let the drama go.
Can you block her number? I know H has to talk to her about the baby, but it seems there's no reason for you and her to have contact.
Ah well. Glad you are taking care of you and things are good. Learning to "be still" is hard. I love that Eagles song, but practicing it in real life is hard - I am constantly moving it seems like some days lol.
Anyways, glad you are well!
BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Haha. Nice to see that she can't let the drama go.
LOL! Seriously huh? She is nothing if not predictable.
I actually did have her blocked in my cell, only to find out it is only good for 3 months, so I have to call and have it re-blocked every 3 months. It came as a shock to me when it rang and I just hit the button...like pavlov's dog or something.
I'm just hanging in and living life as best I can. We have to get through the B hurdle and then we will actually give this another honest try. For right now, learning to be friends and getting back in touch with each other is enough. In the end, even if it doesn't work, I think I will have resolved all of my feelings about the last 2 years (WOW! 2 yrs?) and we can be friends and good parents to our kids.
Thanks for posting! I'll try to check in more often, not only when there is DRAMA!!!!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Thanks Chatterbug...I steal my catch phrases because I'm snarky, but not nearly that deep! LOL
WDID & Michelle...long time ladies!
Things are ok for us right now. H is pushing to move back in here and frankly I'm not ready for it and truthfully neither is he, but he will have to figure it out himself. I could KICK myself for all of the drama I put myself through (Yes Puppy, WDID, Karen, Kat, Michelle and the rest of you that lived my soap opera come to life) I put myself through it. I was too weak to walk away and take the chance that this wreck of a human being wouldn't want me anymore - its really pathetic now that I see it for what it was/is. I was willing to accept bread crumbs and that is what I got. Its funny, they say most women marry their fathers right? I managed to marry my mother and it took me 15 years to really "get it!" Don't get me wrong, I still love my H and I always will, but its not the same as it was. We have both changed and so now we will either have to put things back together under new terms or just be good friends.
He still has not sought help for the gambling, though he is staying out of the cardroom a lot more. He has only gone 1 or 2 times a month for the last several months, but when he does he can't control himself and blows all of his money...duh! It pisses me off when he goes so I just choose not to be a part of it. When he calls to whine later, I listen but I don't try to fix it and just gently remind him that unless/until he gets help, this is the cycle he chooses.
The Troll has called a couple of times and I had to have her blocked again a couple of months ago, but she pretty much leaves me alone these days. When she can't get him, she calls me and in the past I've called him and he immediately contacts her. Now when she leaves me VM messages (she replies to an old VM of mine) I just fwd it to him and he doesn't call her. If she doesn't get the desired response by calling me, then she will do something else. They seem to do pretty well at co-parenting and I suspect he talks to her more frequently than what he tells me, but I know that they are truly done and I don't really worry about their contact. Its just not an issue for me (which is amazing because I used to drive myself CRAZY over it. Time truly does heal... I'm not going to forget and I'm working on forgiveness, but my perspective on it has changed and I can move forward no matter WHAT happens.
I just wanted to do a small update. I miss all of my friends here, but like H4H I needed to step away and not dwell on it so much...its helped. I also know that because of the help I receieved here that I need to give back to others. Pay it forward.
The kids are good and I'm pretty good, so all is copacetic.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
