and tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of the bomb. how far I've come since then. thinking back, it's a sick feeling, almost makes me nauseated remembering how it felt, how terrifying it all was. but I am much more whole and solid now than I ever was with xH; sometimes lonely, but not for him, just lonely.
oh, stop it, pup! I'm doing fine--celebrating, even, in a way, how far I've come and how much I've grown in ways that needed to happen--but probably would never have happened while I was dealing with xH and a difficult marriage, and a great job in a very sick setting. (whoa--now that's a run-on sentence!)
Wow, Hoozh, I had forgotten that we shared almost exactly the same dates (just one year apart). I HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR NOW. When I go back and re-read my old journal, I just get sick to my stomach -- and angry.
Here I am, feeling sorry for myself today and going off about my own triggers, and I had forgotten these were your tough calendar days as well. Mea culpa for my DAM-ness!!
Puppy
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
oops, that last post got really messed up! my response is the paragraph right under my own quote box. what I was responding to, from Puppy, is below that. hmmmm.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
ugh; found out today that xH never put D14 on his insurance this year, so I'll be doing that with my new insurance (which is amazingly inexpensive). and now wants to renegotiate CS and fall tuition. as in, less CS (he's already at about the minimum possible), and a 50/50 tuition split. I make about 60% of his salary. not exactly equitable! but I think he's probably just sniffing around to see my response, since I got a raise with the new job.
jerk.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
and not to sound trite, but I will consider myself on the next level when I can meet my own needs without "needing" someone else. wanting is okay, needing not so much ok. and I'm pretty close.
God, not trite at all. I agree completely. Am learning to - and that I can and should - meet my own needs. I'll be ready for another R when I'm convinced I don't need another R.
Though some "unmet needs" do require another person
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
and not to sound trite, but I will consider myself on the next level when I can meet my own needs without "needing" someone else. wanting is okay, needing not so much ok. and I'm pretty close.
God, not trite at all. I agree completely. Am learning to - and that I can and should - meet my own needs. I'll be ready for another R when I'm convinced I don't need another R.
Though some "unmet needs" do require another person
well, this is true!! but often it just isn't worth all the trouble it entails. (but not always....)
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
The CS stuff is going to be interesting. I'm wondering if it's going to be a yearly -- hey, I could use more kind of thing?
well, a month or so ago he said he was fine with things as is, he was used to it and budgeted for it. now he no longer pays for insurance, wants to pay less CS and tuition. gotta remember, this is the man who walked into mediation asking "how long do I have to keep paying support?" even his attorney was appalled and shut him up. he's entitled to do what he wants, when he wants to, and just because we've been struggling to keep the bills paid for 2 years, that certainly shouldn't inconvenience him. I think you're right--it's going to come up periodically when he thinks he can benefit.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
oh--almost forgot. xH shot me an email earlier today about D14 spending the weekend with him; Saturday is a surprise birthday party for a friend of his and Sunday is graduation blessings at his church. ummmm...Saturday is MY birthday, thank you very much, and she's spending it with ME. later on he asked how old I am--and was off by several years with his guess (but I let him think he was correct). hard to believe I was married to this man for almost 15 years.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
