I look at Flowmom - her thread is called embracing change - and I think, that's it. that's what I have to do. Embrace change, b/c the old life is over. But 1st I have to grieve it before I can embrace it. I think.
I'm going to respectfully disagree with you LFA . Grieving will take me years. And change is happening/has happened whether I'm ready or not. The only choice I have is whether to embrace change or refuse to accept it...as I continue grieving.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Oh, believe me, I know this would be much better if X had dropped dead.
And not just for personal vindictive feelings. But for all the reasons you list, Gardener. The sympathy, the cassaroles. Never having to deal with seeing X with OW.
It would be complete, it would be closure, unless I was the one who crashed the car or accidentally poisoned the oatmeal, there would be no guilt no remorse, etc.
I had the idea of sitting shiva for the death of the R. In this case, visitors would be ENCOURAGED to speak ill of the dead!
I doubt that at this time frame I would get much time/support from friends for a week of sackcloth and ashes, but the idea does have appeal.
A week of just wallowing. Being supported. Not having to go to work all chip chip cheerio. Yup. Sounds good.
Yep, often think it would've been easier if she'd died suddenly. And your sackcloth and ashes party sounds a fantastic idea. I'm sure there'd be more laughs and fake sorrow than real at such an event!
I'm at a difficult stage now. I have not a single real life person left who supports anything other than forgetting it and moving right on. The fight is indeed becoming more tiresome, more solo and more effort to continue. It would be so much easier to stamp on that last bit of hope and put it out forever. I just don't seem to be *quite* ready to do it today.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I look at Flowmom - her thread is called embracing change - and I think, that's it. that's what I have to do. Embrace change, b/c the old life is over. But 1st I have to grieve it before I can embrace it. I think.
I'm going to respectfully disagree with you LFA . Grieving will take me years. And change is happening/has happened whether I'm ready or not. The only choice I have is whether to embrace change or refuse to accept it...as I continue grieving.
((((FM)))), I didn't mean to imply you weren't grieving. I am sure you are and it will take me years to also. I did perceive you were moving through it perhaps more enlightened than I am.
I know these stages are not cut & dried, and you bring up an excellent point. We keep going as we grieve. Change is here whether we like it or not. Mentally I understand that, emotionally I thought I was there, til last weekend.
Maybe just going downhill for a while on the rollercoaster, where it had been kind of even for a while. Thanks for the link, I will look into that book!
I hope you don't mind me referencing your thread! You have a great deal of strength and seem to have a good balance in this from what I've read. I haven't been too good about following other's thread lately but looking forward to doing more of it. Thanks for sharing your strength!
((((Aver)))), How goes it? Did you move over to the Big D thread? Be sure to tell me if you do. I'm trying to get internet access at my brother's, how I wish I weren't so technologically unskilled!
I am going to Baltimore - for work not for GAL but still will be kind of fun. So I may not be able to check in much til after Wed. but I'll try.
Re: wallowing, I do think maybe it's OK to give yourself permission to do it, under a time limit. We have to let out the toxic feelings!
I sort of feeling like doing whatever's the opposite of wallowing after my meltdown last weekend. It was like an intensive pysch session that kind of has me mentally running away from the sitch, memories etc. Feel like I was submerged in it, now I want distance from it. This week anyhow!!
Hope you had a good weekend! I'll report my GAL on my thread so I can hear about Mr. escort or dr. dates!!
. Grieving will take me years. And change is happening/has happened whether I'm ready or not. The only choice I have is whether to embrace change or refuse to accept it...as I continue grieving. 
but still will be kind of fun. So I may not be able to check in much til after Wed. but I'll try.