All I wanted to do yesterday whenever I saw her was touch her, and it was hard as hell not to. It's getting so frustrated that I told her I would be out by the weekend. I just can't live under the same roof with someone who doesn't feel the same as I do.
I know the feeling man. My sitch has turned for the worse and I still feel this way. I see her and I want to touch her or hug her. But the things she has done to me keep me from doing it. What do you do when there is absolutely nothing you can do, to make it better?
You never know what is going on in her head, she may say one thing like I haven't been able to process our situation but she might just be doing that all the time and is confused. Unfortunately nothing will ever be clear cut. You sound like you are doing good though Tbart, keep your head up, i'm praying for you.
Aces
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Someone please stop me if you think I'm not thinking clearly.
Yes, my W and I have been getting along well since I've been home, but I'm very angry, frustrated and confused. I leave the house every morning the last few days wanting to pummel something because of these feelings.
We've had productive MC and talks, but sometimes we stop the talk because she's tired and wants to resume later. Sometimes later never comes or it's way later. She has expressed her desire to not D, but I don't know if it's the concept she doesn't want or if it's because she still wants to be with me.
It's obviously been very hard living under the same roof during this process because I still want her, but it appears she doesn't want me. She keeps telling me she hasn't had time to think about or process us. I've been home for 4 weeks, 3 of which she was at her friends. You think she would have thought about us during that time, but I guess we're not a priority.
She keeps telling me that she has a full plate. I was thinking of letting her go to lessen that full plate. I was going to tell her I'm going to move out (for now) so I can get a life and detach from her ( I cant do it living with her).
After that time we can split the bills and she can move and see what life on her own is really like. I really need to be on my own for a few weeks to clear my mind. I just can't keep doing this to myself.
I feel like I'm complicating matters for her by hanging on to something that just isn't there.
Is this just frustration talking or am I on to something that I really need?
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
I've been following you thread. I'm not sure what the best thing for you to do as far as moving out. It seems like the advice given by people here is to remain in your house. I understand if you think that you need time away for yourself.
I wanted to make a comment about what your W told you that she hasn't had time to think about the two of you yet. I don't buy that at all. I think she's just telling you this so that you don't smother her wanting to talk more about your M. I think this is her way of giving herself space so that you're not breathing down her neck about it. I would have to believe that she has been thinking about the M. I know the LBS thinks about the M a lot and I think the WAS also thinks about the M more than they lead on or want you to know. Just my 2 cents.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Very understandable. The first phase in reconciliation is getting rid of all the negative feelings. Women are very in tune with feelings and I bet your W feels your tension.
Why are you so angry and frustrated? Is it because you are ready for things to get moving? If so, then let it go - no expectations.
Quote:
We've had productive MC and talks, but sometimes we stop the talk because she's tired and wants to resume later. Sometimes later never comes or it's way later. She has expressed her desire to not D, but I don't know if it's the concept she doesn't want or if it's because she still wants to be with me.
If something is bothering you it is your responsibility to bring it up.
Quote:
She keeps telling me that she has a full plate.
Ask her, "How can I help you with that?"
Exercise (GAL activity) is a great way to lessen the stress in your life.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm angry and frustrated because she seems to say one thing and acts another. It's not like she's mean to me or anything. We get along quite well, but it just seems like there should be more. What more I really don't know.
It should be easy for her to concentrate on her or us. I have taken on all responsibilities since I've been home. I've been remodeling the rental property and taking on all things dealing with the kids.
I ask her all the time what I can do to help her. She always says time and consistency as the answer.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
She always says time and consistency as the answer.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Hey tbart, you are are very much alike. I too had/still have a problem with having zero expectations and feeling like my H should be doing more... it's very frustrating, I know. I also see you have alot of anger and resentment. In order for you to move past this and have a real shot at this M, you need to allow yourself to feel those feelings and let go of those feelings in order to move on with your M.
What your W said is right, she needs time (she, I'm sure is still very confused) and she needs consistency, she needs to be sure that this is for real and that you're going to go back to where you were before.
Hugs to you. I know how stressful this is. Go out there and GAL and find a way to keep yourself and your mind occupied.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Sorry to butt in on this as I don't know your whole sitch. I can tell you this from mine, though, and I have witnessed slow but positive results.
I can put it best like this. When she says time and consistency (if she's like my W)she means that SHE needs time and YOU need consistency. Also (again if anything like my W) from her perspective this will be measured in months, not weeks.
Also (again if anything like my W) from her perspective this will be measured in months, not weeks.
And dog years to you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
