The year of not my problem

[Kalni]

Found you...

I have been...up and down and up and down again. Too much stress. Revealations, truth... Recently I had some moments when I felt content, happy. I still cant shake anxiety off though. Working on it.
K

[AJM]

What makes you stressed? I am having trouble finding your thread?

AJ

[Kalni]

Piecing.. LOL
If you forget #71 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[AJM]

Ah. Yep, that can be stressful.

[AJM]

Update:
I've run into the running buddy from long ago. I ran into him at a running event. At the time he was going through the same stuff I was going through. Oddly, I think that's part of what she was confused by - his situation and his actions. I think she was using him in many ways and in some ways I feel saddened by that for him. Not too much mind you Anyway, it was good to see he is doing better and getting himself back on track now that his wife left. He is finally waking up and is not allowing her to come back. Good for him says I. She put him through hell. Similar situation to mine oddly.

Anyway, I notice that it is getting easier to withstand her crap. The dynamic is changing yet again and I'm appreciative of that. I think it's me. I really and honestly am coming more to terms with what's happened and why I cannot go back. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm swimming with all I've got to get there. I like that. I'm glad to not be wrapped up in the goo of this bat [censored] crazy stuff. The high school drama. The pain. I feel a great sense of relief yet again and I attribute that to the change in my own attitude. I'm starting to look at things much differently and I like that too.

Life is good. To tell the truth, it has been good, but I wasn't willing to notice and appreciate that. I am now. And the more I do the more that the issues of the past few years really start to fade away. Sure I still get sad or angry or ?? but at least now those feelings come one at a time, wait patiently for the others to finish, and don't stay nearly as long. I like that too.

AJ

[AJM]

Ah the joys of the process. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. I'm completely done. I want nothing more to do with her. Yet, I notice that I still pay attention to some things. For example, I notice that she is trying to talk to me. Trying to get my attention and to make me jealous. I notice that she is still trying to get me to do things that she is unwilling to do herself. Like training a child, I will not be treated like that and I will not allow that behavior, but I notice it. Some of that is that we are still in the same house. Yuck.

So I guess I still have a way to go and that will be stumped until the house sells. I can deal, but what a painful way to move on. It's not lost on me that it must be difficult for her and the kids as well. My daughter said as much about her own pain and desires. I hear her. I don't care about the stbx's pain nearly as much as I have in the past. Slightly, but only because it's sad to watch. But I realize she did make her own choices and I am not going to live with them any longer.

So be it. Time to head to the beach for the weekend with my son.

AJ

[Thinker]

Yep,

Moving on while living in the same house is DIFFICULT!

Having the same trouble myself.

[AJM]

I'm finding that it is not as difficult as it used to be. My thoughts are that, hey, what is it she can do to me now? The monster she has become can no longer hurt me any more than she has. That's the truth. I'm beyond that level of hurt any longer. The healing has been in full swing for a long time. I can feel it. When I feel sad, or angry or otherwise, it doesn't go nearly as deep and doesn't last very long. A few hours or a day at the most.
Like I said, I've seen the worst she can do (obviously she could do worse, but it would be horrendous worse, and not just aimed at me. The things she does aimed at me - there is no worse she can do any longer. I know that. There is no denying it at this point.
There is no going back for me. I cannot and will not. Three years of trying and figuring things out is WAY too long already. I get it. I got it. I'm accepting it and moving on with or without her being out of the house. I've lived with the monster in the house for a long time. I realize now that I've been going through this for so long that it is not that I'm moving faster now, I'm just realizing how far I've come. I'm going the rest of the way now.
I plan to talk to the lawyer to see what we can work out to get her out. I'll go slowly, because that's a negotiation tactic. I'll make her wait for a while to soften her up. I won't be fooled by her trying to be nicer although I will reward the good behavior in the sense that I will respond when appropriate. I will not respond when the behavior is mean and nasty and hateful and trying to hurt me. Period. I will NOT let myself be out of the house to avoid her. I'll be out of the house because I have other things to do. Period.
I've spent a few weeks doing that. Getting out to be away. It helped. I'm addicted to it. But it's not the way I want to be because that's a form of her having control over me and I need to get that out of me. Like the last pieces of a splinter - I'll work it out as quickly as I can.

Hang in there Thinker. See things differently. I wake up every morning and I thank God for all the wonderful things in my life. Every blessing. Know what? I see things very differently now. I see a lot of positive things in my life. A lot.

Aj

[mindfull]

AJM -

Gee, I catch w/you on FB, and forget that you are here!!!

I could have written your above post. (But, you say it nicer!!!)

Keep the faith, brotha!

HUGS

[AJM]

Thanks. Today I'm torn - I'm thankful and I'm angry at the same time. Been a while since two feelings have been there at the same time. I think I'm just done and ready to move on and she's in the way. I think it also has to do with yesterday. It was painful to see her drop the kids off and run to be with her new friends on Mother's day. The kids weren't happy about it either. That hurt a bit to watch. That's where my anger comes in. I'm tired of watching this train wreck that used to be so full of love.

Just the same, there are so many great things to be thankful for. My kids for example. They're awesome. We had a great time yesterday evening. I let my daughter talk me into driving us over and getting ice cream. I like her being able to drive. I like being a passenger I think.

Things are great, but I need to move on. I need to sell the house. Sooner rather than later.

I finally broke down and let my in-laws know to back off with the enthusiasm to sell the house. I'm sure I'll get an earful but I'm looking forward to that. I try to remember this is painful for them as well. But I can't keep hearing and seeing their enthusiasm (my mother in law mostly) for selling the house and seeing how that affects my kids. My daughter was griping about it to me over the last few days. I get it. It doesn't help to hear your grandparents urging the sale of the house when it represents the upheaval and destruction of your family as you knew it. Had to say something.

I feel better Weekend was otherwise great! Beach was awesome...Kids were a lot of fun...sun is shining.

AJ