We all come here with the hope of saving our marriages, but ultimately ourselves. I'm glad I found this fourm because I would be a wreck with out it. If I'm still on the emotional rollercoaster it is a pretty booring, which is good. My highs arent super high and lows arent super low. I am doing good even with the out-come more than likely being D. I thought I could do this for years but I know I cannot. The damage has been done, i'm not saying it cannot be repaired but it isn't going to be me who takes those steps, I feel as though I have laid a foundation and she needs to be the first to lay down a brick. I'm a good man, and she will be missing out on a great life as a family. I hope with whatever the out-come being that she stops running and becomes a better person. I hope my journey helps me to become a better person and I feel as though I have taken the right direction since this all started. I'm full of knowledge that I wish I had 7 years ago. I can go on knowing that I will more than likely get remarried, who knows it could be to her.
My goal now is to focus on my future. I plan on going back to school in order to become a better artist, and make a living doing art. I will not file right now, if anything I will go for legal seperation. Talking to her though she has her mind set on not being married to me. lol, yet calls me a good man, and good father want to be divorced but is dating OM2 now. I dunno, I just can't care too much about it. She is doing what she feels is right.
I will post more later, I just want to thank all of you for your advice and encouragement. I really don't know if there is a set time line for DBing but mine didn't seem to last to long. Though I don't know what is going to happen.
Aces....
Last edited by Wildaces81; 04/27/1006:57 PM.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Another day another dollar, W didn't come over to see the kids after work last night. D7 is really starting to verbalize how much she misses her. Don't really know what to say to her except to pray for mommy and show her that you love her.
I apply for school today, I just hope that my portfolio is decent enough for me to get in. I really really really want to go back to school. If I had a choice I would be a career student. lol
Not much else going on, just focusing on the kids, and art work.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
First good luck with school - I'm sure your portfolio is good enough to get you in.
You sound really good my friend. I am glad to see that you will not file yet. Good move. Keep the focus on you and the kids and everything should be fine. Will you hurt some days - yes - This pain though is normal and must be felt in order for you to grow and learn from this sitch.
What your daughter is going thru is normal dude. Just remember that she needs you NOW. You are the positive influence in her life. Focus on you and your kids.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm tired. I'm am just taxed the f out about this. I need a break but it doesn't seem to help when I do take one. I just have no desire to continue on doing this. Some random person texted me today demanding that I give my DW a message. When asked to identify themselves they wouldn't and told me to do as I'm told. WTF? Are you serious? I told said mystery person that i'm not their messanger boy, i suggested they effe off and told them to come to my house and talk to me face to face. Yeah probably not the best reaction, but I hate being told what to do especially by a complete stranger who is too rude to identify themselves. I really have no idea what I'm doing any more. I really just seem to be waking up going to work and then going home. There is a lot going on inbetween all of that but I just don't feel it. Its like I'm on autopilot. Taking a bit of a backslide I guess. I've been drawing so that I can beef up my portfolio. Didn't get to apply because of the application fee, so I have to wait to get paid to apply or ask my parents for it, which i'm going to do tonight. But yeah I'm on auto pilot.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Found out that it was W new OM texting me today. I'm pissed, i need a smoke and I want to take my computer screen and throw it across the room. Why does it have to happen like this man? Why do people feel the need to cross lines they don't need to cross? Is the [censored] testing me to see how I would react well he knows now. I'm pissed. Please pray for me. I'm too [censored] tired to do this anymore. I'm just done, I'm done I'm done I'm done. How do you put up with this for years? I don't know how to do it, maybe i'm just too young or something or I just don't want to be dragged into the mud. GRRRR
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Ohhhh my friend I feel for you as all of us are going through some kind of crap as well. No matter what, tomorrow will be another day and you will feel a bit better.
I have been through all of this for over 2 years and about a month ago I stopped initiating contact with my WAW. It has been much better for me now with NC.
It will get better for you, I promise.
Focus on your awesome kids and good luck on art school !! Don't sweat the portfolio. I am sure it's great. I went to art college and all they are looking for in a portfolio is that you are really eager and into it. You don't have to be a star artist, just be motivated.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
Dear God. It's me again and I'm here to say a prayer for my friend Wild. Please be with him tonight, and soothe his heart - he is hurting and sad and I think he feels overwhelmed and exhausted. Please fill him with the strength he needs to rise above the pain he's in; fill him with a sense of renewed purpose and energy to create so that he may stay focused on his dream of working as an artist. Please show him something, anything tomorrow like a bird singing or the pretty colors in the sky as it sets, to show him that there are still beautiful moments in the world and that this awful time of trial will be temporary. Thanks God. I appreciate you listening.
Take care Wild, thinking of you. PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
whitneypinch and PG thank you for your words. PG that prayer couldn't have come at a better time for me last night. I got good rest and feel much better today. Keeping my head up. Writing down goals for today to hopefully kep me focused on important things rather than on my situation. I have taken a step back, a few steps back, rather than driving on.
ty you both
Aces..
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Good morning Aces, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better today, and got some sleep last night. And good for you for writing down those goals! I never used to do things like that until lately, and continue to be surprised at how writing them down makes a difference. Good luck with finding the application fee for college... I'm sure it will come together for you somehow. Things like this always work themselves out. Take care, and keep posting.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Dude this sh*t does really suck but YOU need to take a step back and realize that YOU are not the problem. You need to stop letting this stuff get to you. I know it is hard - I do but really you need to distance yourself from this garbage. Remember YOU are in control of your reaction to things. So here is my advice...instead of focusing on the anger and fustration..ask yourself what can you learn from this. One thought I have is that you should now know how to deal with these type of text messages, which is ignore them and delete them. Take back your POWER dude - take back the control over YOUR emotions. She does not control you man - you control you - cause you are a fu*king ex ranger - you are the f*cking MAN! Now take back your POWER. This rollercoaster will be over when YOU say it is over.
Go enjoy your kids and let her reap the results of her actions.
God Bless, Eric
oh...you know how to reach me when you feel this way buddy. Anytime...day or night...I'm here.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
