Show a smile, hope, love. That doesn't mean pursing or hiding your hurt when you're hurt. It means over all, be a good, happy person. Enjoy the good things in your life, like your D for now. Later on, your W will see that even if she can't/won't today.
I have been doing this, because honestly on Saturday I realized that I don't want what I wanted two weeks or a month ago. I look at my wife, the lies she has told her family, the way she talks to my daughter. Her shortness with both of my children and I no longer want that around me or our kids. Whatever is going on with her I don't want to be apart of it. I want to move on with my life. If I can't even come up with one positive quality besides she is beautiful isn't that some kind of sign. My heart isnt 100% in this any more. Is it normal to feel like this? Is it just a phase and I'll go back to wanting to be with her. That is the thing I don't know how I feel. I don't know if I want to continue DBing. The last few days where I have felt like I was done trying I have felt relaxed and happy. I don't effing know....
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Hi Wild, Gosh I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough few days. I'm sorry, I've only read a few pages of your sitch so far, but I just wanted to stop and say my heart goes out to you today, before I proceeded to read more. My only thought off the top of my head, is to be very careful not to make any big decisions if you're still wondering if your feelings (wanting to leave) are just a phase.
From what I've understood here, and from my friends who've left their marriages, the point at which they were ready to go was very clear. They didn't have a lot of lingering doubts any more. From what they've said, there was a point at which they 'just knew' they were done, and there was nothing in the world at that point that could have changed their minds.
PS - I'd told you once that I don't pray much these days, and so you so very kindly said one for me. Now, I don't know if He'll take much stock in me praying at this point, but I will try for you anyways. Again, my heart goes out to you today. PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
My heart isnt 100% in this any more. Is it normal to feel like this? Is it just a phase and I'll go back to wanting to be with her. That is the thing I don't know how I feel. I don't know if I want to continue DBing.
Again, YES, it is a phase, and you have a long long way to go, and many more to follow.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
PG, thanks for the reply. I understand what you are saying and my doubts aren't many, but i do have them. I know that filing will not releave any pain or give me any sense of peace but I will know that I am moving on.
Thank you for the prayer, and no matter who you are, sinner or saint he takes stock in our prayers. He listens, it us who aren't patient enough to wait or listen to what he says.
Dday, okay its a phase, but I don't want to be in it any more. I have no intention of having a knee jerk reaction and going out and filing. All I feel is is nothing, it might be some anger and it might be other things but I have been feeling this way for a while now and the more I feel this way the better and more relaxed I have been. I'm going to my IC and I'll be talking to her about it. I know the whole point is to save my marriage but the person that I married isn't there any more and it doesn't look as though she would take the step to change. I feel as though my only reason not to get divorced is the fact that financially it will kill me, and who doesn't feel that? But that isn't a reason to not get divorced. She is a person who runs from major problems and has all of her life and really I don't want my kids to learn that, and they will whether we stay together or not.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
and on a sadder note, a friend of mine died this week and I just found out about it. the hits just keep on coming.
Father, be with me. I know this isn't your doing. You gave us free will and with it we can choose to do the right or wrong thing. Unfortunately the wrong thing is usually the easiest and better feeling choice. Father Nick passed away this week, I'm thankful that he is with you now but saddened because he was such an awesome person. He truly will be missed. Be with his family as the struggle with the loss of their son, their brother.
Amen
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
First, I am sorry to hear about your friend.My prayers go out to the family.
The feelings you have right now are normal. IMO you are not at point where you FINALLY realize that nothing YOU do can "snap" her out of it. Nope. You finally have realized that this is really happening. You want this pain and emptyness to go away. I know buddy...I know... you want your M back.
You are right the person that you married is no longer the same. She is gone. She is now trying to find herself/address her issues whatever you want to call it. Guess what...you are now on a similar path. You need to find Wild. You need to make Wild happy. You need to be the best dad for your D. The key word is YOU.
I understand about the finacial aspect dude- trust me I do. Why then do you feel the need to file? Why are you going to give up already? Why not stop feeling crap*y about the sitch and really and I mean really look at yourself. Stand up, man up, and say F** It. I am gonna do what I want to do. Do you really think that filing will fix this? Do you really think that filing will allow you to move forward? IMO - YOU decided when you move forward. YOU decide what Wild wants! You buddy make the choice in your life.
Stop looking at her. Stop worry about what she thinks and does. Stop... actually maybe you should STOP everything and just take some time for you. By everything I mean the thoughts of D. Maybe you should take the time you need to heal.
Now I may be way off base here but you sound a lot like I did when I thought i was "done". Guess what - your not. Do you know why? Think about it and then post your reasons.
Keep your head up - keep your eyes on your kids - keep your eyes on what you want and what you need in your future. Keep your eyes UP.
FYI...tonight I have the kids but will try and reach out.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Why then do you feel the need to file? Why are you going to give up already? Why not stop feeling crap*y about the sitch and really and I mean really look at yourself. Stand up, man up, and say F** It. I am gonna do what I want to do. Do you really think that filing will fix this? Do you really think that filing will allow you to move forward? IMO - YOU decided when you move forward. YOU decide what Wild wants! You buddy make the choice in your life.
I feel like filing because I don't want her any more. I don't want anything other than a hello and a goodbye from her. I feel as though I am done. I want to move on. And I cannot do that while I wait for her to file. I know if you read through my sitch you will see me say how much I love her and how much I want to work this out but when someone not only cheats on you, not once, not twice but three times. Don't you think it is time to move the hell on? She isn't going to change. She has made me feel like I was the one that always needed to change. Why? I told her I loved her everyday. I told her how much I think she is beautiful and how much appreciate her. Yes I did make mistakes, yes I did become depressed because of my professional life. But that give no one NO ONE the right to cheat, or treat the other person like they dont matter. I haven't filed yet. I have other things that are more important to do right now like get back into art school. But I have been feeling this way for a while now. I am tired of being treated like crap. I am tired of the doom and dispare. So I have decided to move the hell on. I'm not filing yet though. I have to think about it. I know it is a huge decision. But when someone tells you flat out that they aren't going to come back that they aren't going to change. That they "need to work on myself" yet do nothing to improve on themselves other than go out and drink Wednesday night to Saturday night. I know that I am fighting a lost cause. I see it. I know I do.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
I feel like filing because I don't want her any more.
Are you positive this isn't anger? Anger can be dealt with, I think repairing after the D is harder but obviously still an option. If you are sure, just consider keeping your heart open and stay away from ultimatums.
You believe she thinks you need some changing. Is it possible that she has some valid issues that you could deal with in the meanwhile?
