Or you could just let it go and move on. You are assuming that he chose to act as he has out of ignorance of the facts. I think this is a conscious decision on how he will shephard his flock and you don't agree with it. So be it, but I'd just move on personally. I can't imagine anything is to be gained by continuing this with him except more frustration for you.
I disagree.
Sometimes something is simply "The Right Thing to Do." As a Christian and a pastoral minister, and the one (of two) DIRECTLY affected by this, I think Hoozh should not only reply to the guy in the manner she's suggested, but I think a copy should be sent to his bishop (or whomever his "supervisor" is).
It's simple Christian accountability, one to another, in my opinion. Turning a blind eye to HIS lack of leadership here would make Hoozh no less complicit, in that she would be doing exactly what she feels HE was doing wrong here ("not getting involved"/"letting it go").
Doing the right thing is not always the answer. If continuing to dwell on this and be bitter is stopping a person from doing more constructive things with their time, then it is probably best to let go and move on. If that weren't the case, most of us could still make a case for "doing the right" thing by staying in horribly loveless, faithless marriages. There is doing right at any cost and doing right in a healthy way. Sometimes the consequences may be grave and to do the right thing is the only thing we can do in order to live with ourselves, regardless of the cost, but this isn't one of those cases. This is a real choice situation. So, either way Hoosierm just do what you gotta do and move on. Did that make sense?
thanks, pup. I'm afraid that sending a copy to the bishop would simply get him congratulated. Currently, this denomination is locally dealing with one pastor who's charged with leading a male prostitution ring, and another who's been a bit too public with his affairs with parishioners. this guy was attempting to avoid scandal by brushing this under the carpet. that will be applauded.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Doing the right thing is not always the answer. If continuing to dwell on this and be bitter is stopping a person from doing more constructive things with their time, then it is probably best to let go and move on. If that weren't the case, most of us could still make a case for "doing the right" thing by staying in horribly loveless, faithless marriages. There is doing right at any cost and doing right in a healthy way. Sometimes the consequences may be grave and to do the right thing is the only thing we can do in order to live with ourselves, regardless of the cost, but this isn't one of those cases. This is a real choice situation. So, either way Hoosierm just do what you gotta do and move on. Did that make sense?
It would if it was keeping Hoozh bitter, and from moving on with her life. Since I know her fairly well, I can tell you with great confidence that it is doing neither, and so I really do think this just falls into "The Right Thing to Do" category. There was a time, when her wounds were still too fresh, that I think such a move may have been counter-productive, but I think HM is in a really good place now, mentally and emotionally.
Jesus knew when to forgive, but He also knew when it was time to throw over the moneychangers' tables. He (and His Father) have always had a higher standard of "those to whom much has been given," spiritually, and I think Hoozh's exH and this pastor bear a grave responsibility for their behavior here. I see nothing wrong in calling the supposed man of God to task for this, one sister to another brother.
Another possible reply to this pastor's letter: "I understand you had to say what you did to make yourself feel better, but now that you have, I hope you realize the pain that EX's choice to commit adultery has had on myself and my daughter (so that the next person who comes to you with this problem would not be so ignored) - when EX was off having fun with his mistress, we were often left without the funds to pay for heating, electricity, little food, and having to beg him for loans to cover these items. Even now, I am unable to send my daughter on a trip because of lack of funds, all because my EX decided to commit adultery and leave our family for no reason that I can understand or that he was able to explain coherently to me. But, thanks be to God, I am in a good place now, at peace. I don't need you to explain the unexplainable --- why a pastor would fob off such a serious sin, just leaves me gob-smacked. It is not how I would've handled a similar situation. So, I would be glad if you and your church would just f...off (or, 'leave us alone' might be better). With all sincerity and the purest of Christian love and forgiveness, Hmama."
Sorry about your daughter not going on the trip, Hmama! I am sure she will have many other memorable journeys in her life, and I hope she isn't feeling too left out from her schoolmates.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
depends upon what you think of the episcopal church, I suppose.
Episcopal would be the Anglican church in Canada, right? I'm a Nazarene and I think the Anglican/Episcopal church might be a little too liberal for us! Our church has actually loosened up on stuff over the years as it's now permissible to dance with the opposite sex! The only stipulation seems to be, as my Pastor put it, "if the way you're dancing with a woman makes you want to take her home, then you should find another dance" Heck, if a woman knows my name that's enough for me to want to take her home, I guess I just have to continually change my name in the course of an evening! Well I digress (as unbelievable as that may seem to some), I think Hmama should do what she thinks is right in regards to this Pastor who is not her Pastor, tag him and bag him...as long as it's done in the proper spirit.
Dear Wii--yeah, I agree--the Episcopal Church is pretty doggone liberal. From the outside (and I apologize for potential offense here) it appears that self-actualization is the highest goal and the Ten Commandments no longer apply. Don't really know how I feel about public censure and discipline, but certainly it would seem that holding xH up as a positive example is ill-advised, and keeping him in the pew until things can sbe determined might be the wisest strategy. And either way, you don't throw those left behind under the bus just because it's awkward.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
