Gardener, I hope that you find that book as healing as I have. There was so much in there that I hope will validate why you feel the way you do, how and why we seem to get stuck (in reality, it's just that we need more time to do the work necessary to resolve that particular stage, or that something has triggered a brief return visit!), and how to cooperate with the healing process and come thru all of this scarred but stronger and with more capacity for love.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I feel like I've punched into the Eastern Australian Current, duuuudde--life is moving fast.
Got the research job, starting in a couple of weeks. I will truly miss what I'm doing, but I won't miss juggling payments around and having utilities shut off every few months because I can't pay bills. This will be about a 45% increase in salary, much better benefits, good hours, some in-state travel but just overnights...life will change considerably! May will be tough; the way pay periods fall I won't get paid between April 30 and June 1. But after that we should be able to breathe again, and financial stress will ease hugely. Just gotta hang in until then.
D14 probably won't be able to go on her choir trip to Chicago this summer, and it's breaking my heart. I haven't been able to pay anything towards it, and xH decided not to. She asks for so little, this was pretty reasonable and something for her to look forward to after a really hideous school year. I haven't given up on it, but I have absolutely no conceivable way of raising the money. If her wealthy aunts and uncles decided to contribute--problem solved. But xH won't ask them. So D14 is going to.
And...xH broke up with the wicca princess he left us for. Of course, he left her for someone else he'd been seeing for a few months. D14 likes this new person, who's a therapist (with questionable judgment, obviously!); she's never been married, has no children, talks with D14...so, once it was all official that she was in and the old one was out, I wrote her a very brief, very gracious email (we work in the same system--no espionage involved there), saying that I have heard positive things about her from my daughter, we're likely to be at the same events, so I wanted to extend a sort of invitation to try to be comfortable around one another for D14's sake. She wrote back a very appropriate little note, and we met at a concert over the weekend. D14 was ecstatic at the decrease in tension, xH was extremely awkward, but we were both just fine. She seems to have a clue and is somewhat normal--so I don't expect she'll be around all that long! And I hate to see D14 lose someone she likes...but for now, we're handling it all just fine.
Interesting, xH is a different person. It's great that the tension has lifted, but we need to re-establish some appropriate boundaries. D14 has told him some details of my personal life that he really has no need to know. And he is behaving as if the past 2 years never happened--friendly, chatting with friends at the concert, just...well, narcissistic. He even sorta apologized--said it was never gonna work with wicca princess because she wasn't willing to reach out to D14 (well, duh!! and you put D14 thru 2 years of hell for that?!) And I have so far risen above and stopped myself from any "told you so's" to anyone. And altho I noticed when I glanced over during the concert (and I truly didn't know where they were sitting, it was accidental) that the new gf chews gum like a bovine--I didn't point that out to anyone. well, only to a small, select handful of people....
Hottie Texas prof is coming for a visit over Memorial Day--early June. Not sure how long he's staying--but he's jumping right into my life. D14's 8th grade graduation (that's not the reason for his visit--he's here for the Indy 500 a few days earlier), lunch with one of my friends who's a priest; we've had some interesting theological discussions (we're both serious about our faith--but I'm Catholic and he's evangelical). So--don't know where that's headed, but spending some time together will be nice, and will perhaps help determine future direction. I don't feel nearly as insecure these days--mostly, I think, because I'm just more secure about myself.
As a wise puppy once said (and I'm paraphrasing awkwardly here)--we spend a lot of time worrying about black and white--and then God gives us blue.
Last edited by hoosiermama; 04/14/1007:15 PM.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Blue is my favorite color, maybe that is the reason!! I am so happy for you. I know you will have the one stressful month but then are going to fall into place. Positives attract positives. Keep it up!
So is the TX guy the old flame?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I think the exact quote might have been "Isn't it funny how we always see our struggles in terms of 'black and white' and then sometimes God gives you BLUE?" -- but I'm not sure. I'll have to ask him.
kat--yeah, TX guy is the friend from waaaaaaayy back (1982-ish). NO idea where he is with all of this, but last year when he came up for the race we practically spontaneously combusted! This year there will be more time. Don't know if he's involved--I'm thinking not. And tremendous healing on both sides over the past year (this is the amazing synchronicity situation--his ex left a month before mine did, we reconnected about 8-9 months later, divorces final the same week...) I don't know him well enough to be "in love" but what I know, I love. I'd like to know if there's more of that in there. Already there--trust, comfort, a feeling of "being home" and--ummmm, great attraction.
more than you asked. just thought I'd fill in the blanks.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I think the exact quote might have been "Isn't it funny how we always see our struggles in terms of 'black and white' and then sometimes God gives you BLUE?" -- but I'm not sure. I'll have to ask him.
Puppy, who has a pet turtle named "Squirt"
yeah--it was something like THAT!
and duh--now I get the turtle's name!! Righteous, dude!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
