Are there signs?

[Wildaces81]

Its easier to not have emotion envolved when it is another persons sitch. At least that is the was I feel. It would be nice to be able to have no emotion and completely detach, but almost impossible because you still have love or some type of feelings towards your spouse.

I can see why people have said they would rather shite razor wire than ever get divorced again.

Wish my wife was feeling an ounce of what I am. It would be nice if the tables shifted for just one day. Alas I know that isn't going to happen.

Going to IC tomorrow hopefully i will be able to get a lot off of my chest and get some insight as to how to detach. I'm fricken tired. Just plain and simple tired. Tomorrow is Friday for me though woohooo!!!!

[Wildaces81]

I'm going to rant.....it could get lengthy dont mind me I just type faster than I write and I have no other outlet right now.....

I honestly dont feel good right now. I've been keeping busy and doing things that I want to do but each time I see her I feel as though my heart is being ripped out. I'm dying inside and I see how my daughter is being affected by this. She stole the neighbors puppy yesterday!!! I don't know what to do any more. I wish I could just pick the f up and get away. I want to be away from her I want her to just leave me and my kids alone for a while. I love her more than I can express but if that doesn't matter how will it ever? If she sees no value in us(i mean our entire family) how will she ever? I'm so unbelievably tired. My son has started to not sleep through the night, my daughter is becoming a clepto and I'm just a wreck. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm doing a good job and that I am on the right track but I don't even see a track I just see a sinking hole. I feel as though everything is being ripped from my hands and soul and I just dont know what to do.

I want my heart to be free of these bonds that have it so tightly wrapped. I want to be happy. I don't want to be lonely anymore. The worst time for me is when I put my kids down for the night. I usually stay up for about another hour or so but that hour is defined by utter loss and grief.

I'm tired of being closed up and not being able to say what I want to say. I want to destroy every picture I have of us together and just get rid of everything that will remind me of her, then at the same time I don't.

I've felt loss and felt grief, anger, frustration everything. I just didn't know I had the capacity to feel all of them at the same time.

I wish none of us were here.

[ericmsant2]

Wild

My friend it is okay to rant - just do not rant at her or internalize it. You need to let it out...so keep ranting..

I honestly dont feel good right now.

So then what can you do to feel better. Better about you and your kids.

but each time I see her I feel as though my heart is being ripped out.

I spent a few days not looking at her - literally, I did not even look at her body or her face. I actually felt better after I did that. Try it maybe it will work. Or better yet - think about how God must feel when he looks at us. I am not saying that you need to be Him but maybe try and look at her with some compassion. Why? so that YOU can feel better.

I want my heart to be free of these bonds that have it so tightly wrapped.

Then let go of her...let her go buddy. She just may come back if you let go.

[Wildaces81]

Alright so after a quick prayer which I sorta paused I am feeling a little bit better. I stepped off the coaster and I'm a little more grounded, and not so overwhelmed.

Wife avoided us last night, had to call her because of my D's theft, trying to get her to take some responsibility, other than taking them to the mall to play at the park and visit OM at his workplace. LOL who the hell steals a puppy? Man I don't know what is going on but the more I think about it, it is just comical. I'm sure people walk by me and see that I'm just ready to explode.

I'm going to go rent mystery men tonight. Mr. Enferno is awesome.

[Wildaces81]

Then let go of her...let her go buddy. She just may come back if you let go.

How when she is, was everything to me. Man, if I don't come out of this stronger then there is something seriously wrong with me.

How do you let go of something that you promised your life to?

I picture myself as a raccoon that found a piece of metal stuck in a tree. Its so shiny and dammit I want it so I wont let it go and I end up getting trapped. Help me out of this trap.

[dday101798]

Brace for impact.

[How when she is, was everything to me.

So you were absolutely NOTHING before her? Attractive, how did you manage to get the woman's attention then? Let alone want to marry a Mr. Nothing?

How do you let go of something that you promised your life to?

I think I finally attained this when I decided my wife was dead. Essentially, she was, emotionally dead. If someone is on the verge of death are you one of those types who makes them suffer on life support for your own greed of keeping them around?

I picture myself as a raccoon that found a piece of metal stuck in a tree. Its so shiny and dammit I want it so I wont let it go and I end up getting trapped. Help me out of this trap.

Bad analogy, a racoon is a crafty and determined little critter and will back off when approached, yet return when the situation is more promissing.

[jasper67]

dday- I like what you say about being on life support- that is a good way to look at it...sadly- at this point I do selfishly want to keep W around...

I'm sure that will change- again good point about them being emotionally dead...def the way to look at it.

My dad tells me to think of W as being dead, that that's the only way to go about healing...it is hard though, knowing that she's not and that I may see her on the ave. or at a red light...

Hard to fathom someone just being a ghost- a living memory...but that is the reality.

I thank you for that analogy, hopefully I can trick myself into believing it.

[Wildaces81]

dday, I said she is everything to me I didn't mean she defines who I am. Though I think I see where you're coming from. It was a lofty 6x6 I'm chewing on it. It is hard to imagine her being dead but again you make an excelent point.

I don't really know what else to say right now I need to think about what you said for a while.

[dday101798]

LOL, sorry, 2x4 are not what they used to be so I go beefier.

I prefer the 'dead' approach versus the whole "my WAS is an alien" hub-bub. Although a WAS is not thinking clearly, it's not fair to flat out insult and decimate them as such.

[ericmsant2]

Wild / Jasper

I too have finally accpeted that the women I fell in love with is dead. She died. I now must grieve and then move forward.

The key is to accept that the old M is really dead. Kaptuz - over. That does not mean that you cannot start a new M or R with your W but want you need to do is let her go. Let go of the damn leash. She knows you love her - trust me she does..right now she is not sure how she feel about you. So if you let go and let God you just may have an opportunity to win her back but no one except God know if that will happen.

Have you thought that maybe you may Idolize your W too much...

refer to paslm 24 3 - 4

In short, who can ascend to the hill of the Lord? Thos with a clean heart and hand and who do not WORSHIP IDOLS !

God Bless,
Eric