I am wondering if there are signs from my W that it will never work again. That We will never get back together. We have been separated for a week now, divorce is on the tip of her tongue.
A bit of my sitch, My W27 and me 29 have been married for 7 years. Got married young had our first child D7 right away. She found OM about three months ago. W moved out last week and continues to see OM. W has told me that she wants a divorce but I some how talked her out of it. She says that she wants to be happy and she cant do that with me. She tells my D that mommy is happier without me and that I am happier with out her(pffft). She says she isn't "In love with me any more"
I have been LRT, with marginal success. Mainly failures on my part for not biting my tongue. She came over last night and I told her that I am looking for a new job and I found one in Colorado Springs. I could tell by the look on her face she was upset. She said that she had no desire to go to colorado springs, that her life is here and that she wants to continue living up here. Which I find a bit weird because her entire family is down there. I know she didn't have a great childhood and maybe she just hates it down there. I'm thinking it has more to do with the OM and what she is developing with him.
She has left the kids with me and I am logging the time they spend with me. It seems though that she has no desire to spend a quality amount of time with them. I have stopped talking about the R and the M but I really want to do an intensive with Michelle but have no idea how to get my wife to do it as she is totally against going to a MC. But I am(woohoo!) I really want this to work out but my patience isn't very long right now. I keep praying that God opens her heart and that she will see what she is doing not just to me but to our kids. She has it in her mind that the kids are going to be okay but I have a hard time seeing things this way. I know I can't tell the future but My daughter wants us to be together but my W doesn't. Should I be giving up? Should I just say F it and move on? Am I kidding myself thinking that she will come back?
I seem to be rambling. What I really want to know is if there are signs that my cause is hopeless? I don't want to give up I don't want a divorce. I want us to be us. I want to have a whole family and have my D and S see both of us happy together.
Any advice would be awesome. Thanks
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Hi I am in a similar place mentally as you are. The only advice that I can give you (and it was given to me) is...
What do YOU want? If you are still not sure then I would not make a move. I think you want to be 100% positive that this is the move you want to make. Look you cannot change her but you can change you. Are you making this choice out of FEAR? If you expect that filing will scare her into changing her mind you mind find that the end result is not what you had hoped for.
Personally, I think you can hold out a little longer. Can you say to your child that you did everything possible to save this marriage? Only you can answer that question.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Honestly when I think about it I want my wife to be here with me and my kids. I want to work things out. I want to be the husband I know I can be. It is worth the heart ache and worth the knot in my stomach. I just want to show her that I can be what she needs me to be. I am resolved through God to make my marriage work. I don't want my kids to know what it is like to see mommy and daddy split up. Today is the day that I make my choice, and my choice is GOD. I choose to love him and have him help me love her through him. Because what is love with out God? Honestly I have realized it is nothing. It is pitiful and shallow. I want a deep love with my wife and my kids. I want her to see me change and change I shall.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Awesome Post. Although my situation is different, the first steps are almost always the same. "Love me some me." I found my love for myself but only after I revisited my faith. IM not a deeply religious person but I realize I am very spiritual.
However, there is one thing you need to change in your above post. You dont want her to see you change. You want to see YOU change. If you know what it is that is ailing your R, then go about fixing it. In my sitch, I realized I wasn't do enough for me. I also wasnt doing enough for anybody. I was depressed and I saw no way out. Sadly, it took my wife asking for space and asking me to move out for me to see what I have become.
Im sure you will feel the same way once you get going. It also sounds like you made an important first step.
Married 10 Together 13 ILYB 1/4/2010 Separated: 1/4/2010 Moved back in 1/28/2010 Reconciled 3/14/2010
Thank you, and yes you are totally right I do want myself to change but damn it is hard. Sometimes I just want to lie in bed with a billion blankets and just curl into a ball. It really blows. I want to do my 180s I just really need to start. I'm going to be going to a college this week for a tour so hopefully I'll be able to start to changing for me.
It is hard to be 'dark' or 'dim' when you have nothing but love for the other person. Where is Doc Brown when you need him? lol
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Wild - Remember you can only change YOU. YOU cannot make her Love you or stay with you but YOU can make the changes that you need to make for you but they must be for YOU. If you try and change to keep her she will see right thru it. God can help he can and he will but you will need to ask him what He want you to see in this journey. You may or may not like the answer but remember he knows what the future has in store for you. Trust him with all your heart and ask him to show you what you need to change to be closer to HIM.
I will pray for you tonight. Know that you are not alone.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
eric, I intend to change for me. I've been working out. Eating....more. lol. And playing with my children most of all. There are other things that I need to start but I am making them for me. It is hard to let go of things to God when you have been holding them close to your chest for so long. But I am re-learning what it is like to have Faith and Trust in my Lord and Savior. I don't know but maybe this is all happening because he wanted me to turn back to him? I don't really know who could? But you are right so right. And I don't want to make superficial changes because if this does all turn really sour then I want to be able to stand on my own two feet with my head held high.
Thank you for the prayers, I need them.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Wild - YOU will be able to stand on your own two feet. This is going to be tough and I do believe that He has called to showed you things about yourself that He intends to change. The change though will take time so you need to be patient with yourself. What are the things that you feel u need to change and how do you plan on changing them?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
The things I need to change are I need to be more out going. I used to be a person who would meet new people all the time. Now I'm a bit closed off. I don't approach people that much any more. I want to work more on my art and develope new skills and improve on the old ones. I really want to concentrate on my kids. I want to keep them busy as possible. Which now that it is getting warmer I will be able to keep them out side more and more. There are a ton of things I have been thinking about but I just don't want to bite off more than I can chew and then get lost on where to start. So right now I am working out more and I have been playing with my kids a lot. I really need to sit down and figure out some 180's because right now what I am doing isn't working. So really my goal today is to figure out those. I also have my next session with my C today.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Those sound like great goals...keep up the good work. Now that whatever happens you will survive and you will make it. Any goals or things that you do that are an attempt to get her back will not work. These must be the goals that you want. In this process you should become the man that YOU want to be not the one that you think may get her back. Keep saying that to yourself...keep saying it. You are doing good and I agree that you should not bite off more than you can choose. Be gentle on yourself. Remember Rome was not built in a day.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
