Thank you for both or your posts I really need the boost. I ask God every night to have me love her through him. I do not want a divorce. I want to be able to say that I have tried everything in order to keep us together. It is impossible for us to have no contact but I know that I can do other things in order to work on myself.
It is crazy because last night we were all eating dinner. I've started to cook more because I want my kids and I to eat together and not in front of a tv. I've started to set the table for four, and if my W wants to eat with us she can but if she doesn't she doesn't. Anyways, after dinner and then watching the kids play outside for a while my W says she is going to leave, I say ok have a good night. We hug and then she backs away and says I love you, with no hesitation or anything. To me it was like getting hit with cold water. I backed away a bit futher and asked but do you mean it like I mean it. She says in a whisper that it slipped.....WTF? I didn't know what to do. I feel like I should have just said it back but I know that if I did it would have just hurt me. I'm trying to take it slowly. I don't know if this is a good sign or if she was just testing me. I don't want to read into it .
On the awesome side my kids started swimming lessons and I think I'll have two little fishes on my hands. Which is cool because I'm going to have them out at a pool this entire summer.
My PMA is doing good. I'm not pushing and I'll just have to continue to keep going along the lines of detaching. I would like to know what it is like when i can go out with my kids or myself and not think about her at all. I really just want to be happy.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
I have to say to you guys that it is truly a blessing that I found this board. I would be a complete and utter mess if I didn't. I'm so thankful to God that he shoved me in this direction and put you guys in my life.
Though things can be up and down and I wont have a great day or even a good day most of the time. I can rejoice in the fact that I have people that care about me, that I care about them and that we are all there for eachother.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Remember take kindness for just that kindness. Do not look too much into things. You guys have kids so you will need to communicate on some level. You will probably always love her but right now you just need to stay focused on detaching. Why? Cause no one call tell you what she is going to do. No one.
The one thing that you do have are your kids. Enjoy this time with them. Let your W be as she is...just enjoy the kids.
"Though things can be up and down and I wont have a great day or even a good day most of the time."
Work on having a good day most of the time. It's probably going to take some time but just keep working at it.
I'm glad that Jasper and I have been able to help. We are all in this together buddy. Your not alone.
In terms of the alt, you can find me under first name Eric second name Sant.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I am trying to take kindness for kindness, I just sorta flubbed it yesterday. I should have just said it back and left it at that but I decided to go into it and ask her if it ment the same thing to her as it does to me. Anyways moving on from it. I know what to do know if it happens again. I just didn't ever expect it ya know?
The crystal ball is being shelved...lol I hope it gathers dust and quickly.
I know that I can anticipate certian events and how to handle them, i just need to not dwell on them happening or not.
I'm working on have good days. I just need to take it a day at a time instead of self-fulfilling each days days ahead. I got so many things that I want to do I just need to take one down each day instead of trying to do them all at once or say that I am going to because then i don't end up doing any thing.
Do you think I should stop doing the dinner thing? Or should I just not set a place for her and have dinner made and the kids and I eating when she shows up after work?
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
It happens dude - so don't beat yourself up about it. Try and learn from it and make sure you do not keep repeating the same mistakes.
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The crystal ball is being shelved
Good it really does not good to keep it out in the open.
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I just need to take one down each day instead of trying to do them all at once or say that I am going to because then i don't end up doing any thing.
Very Good buddy - very good.
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Do you think I should stop doing the dinner thing? Or should I just not set a place for her and have dinner made and the kids and I eating when she shows up after work?
I am not sure I should tell you what to do so I'll tell you what I would do instead...Since I want to be a very nice and kind person I would continue to set out the plate for her just do not expect anything from her. This is gonna be hard but you can do it. If she sits down and eats - great - if not - great. Another opition could be to set aside a plate for her and eat when you and the kids feel like it. Just remember...think of how she may interpret your actions. She may look at this as some sort of guilt treatment or preasure.
Your doing good buddy.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I am not sure I should tell you what to do so I'll tell you what I would do instead...Since I want to be a very nice and kind person I would continue to set out the plate for her just do not expect anything from her. This is gonna be hard but you can do it. If she sits down and eats - great - if not - great. Another opition could be to set aside a plate for her and eat when you and the kids feel like it. Just remember...think of how she may interpret your actions. She may look at this as some sort of guilt treatment or preasure.
Thanks for your insight. And I have the right mindset since I decided that I was going to be come more active and cook each night. I have it that I don't expect anything from her. I do hope that she'll at least sit down and talk to the kids. I just need to make sure that I am active in the conversation and not looking like my dog got run over. I've been doing good at it so far.
Now I just need my glass of STFU and I'll be good for today.
Thanks Eric, i feel like I'm on a healthy but wobbly path.
Aces.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
