Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy New Year to you TF-wishing you a year of happiness and joy! Thanks for all of your support this year! -HUGS
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
We had a nice evening. H did join us and was himself for the most part. I was actually amazed. Last year New Year's was terrible for me - he was acting like such an A$$ but now I know why. This year he was more like himself. He was involved with us, he got my favorite bubbly to ring in the new year and another small gift. I got a couple great hugs. He just seemed so much like the man he was before MLC. He was a bit withdrawn at times, again like he wasn't quite sure how he "fit". The kids and I were playing games and having fun and he did join us, but kind of wandered in and out. But this is just me ASSuming what he was feeling.
All in all, it was a nice evening and I had my expectations as close to zero as I could and was pleasantly surprised.
I have to say, one thing I have learned this year is how to truly enjoy my children - to step back from work, cleaning, etc. and spend that time with them and just have fun. That is definitely a better way to be!
Sounds like a great improvement! Good for you! Enjoying the kids and taking the time is a great lesson to come out of this..I'm on the same page.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
As much as we hate the crap we are dealing with, the lessons we learn are invaluable. One thing that continues to amaze me is that I am way stronger than I ever thought I was.
The beauty of life is that if we are open to it, we can continue to learn and grow and improve and become better than we were yesterday.
Complacency has no place in life. Comfort is ok as long as you remember not to take things for granted. One of my lessons from this crazy journey.
Never, ever let yourself slip into a rut. Life is too short to simply allow it to just pass you by without continued and ongoing participation. Sure there are days, weeks, where it is easy to just say, tomorrow is another day.
You have learned how to enjoy your kids. Now don’t forget. Don’t just simply say, I am doing this and now it is all good. Keep learning, keep trying new things, making new memories, new traditions.
When normal H is around, don’t slip back into the old TF. Keep being the woman you are now and keep letting him see her.
And yes, remember patience. The hardest lesson of them all and one I still struggle with daily. LOL. It seems, even on my new path, that God is not done teaching me that lesson.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
You are so absolutely right about hanging on to the lessons I have learned. The things I have changed, I don't want to go back to the way I was and those things will always need work.
I know my H has noticed some of my changes (he has commented) and I am trying hard not to slip back into the old me when he is acting normal. Right now it is not hard since my guard is still up high and I know that the normal is part of the cycling right now and may not be around too long.
I am just so grateful for all of my blessings and for the normal when I see it. It makes my heart so happy to see the reaction of the kids when they are interacting with their "normal" dad.
Okay, so last night I kind of lost it a little bit. I came across something that reminded me once more of the H I once had, how wonderful he was, and that anger that he was now gone. H was around, wanted to know what was wrong, all led to another deep conversation.
I am sure I said some things I shouldn't have about the pain I have gone through because of him, etc. I don't really care, though it may have set us back. But this all led to him opening up and sharing some of what is going on in his MLC mind.
He has gradually seemed to be getting more and more like himself, yet to hear him talk last night, it seems like emotionally and the deep issues of his crisis haven't budged from another time he opened up like this a few months ago. The emotional immaturity is what really struck me. He still thinks he needs to throw away everything he had and was to be some "new" person. It was interesting, though, that this time he said some things that showed maybe he is making correlations with his childhood with what he is going through now.
Of course, the "blame" for the way his life has turned out lies still on everything and everything else. Never mind that he had a pretty good life.
