Are there signs?

[ericmsant2]

Wild -

I have no intention of leaving this site even if we do not get back together.

That's good dude! Always let other know of the mistakes that you make so that they do not commit the seam ones.

Wow, did I put my entire foot in my mouth with my W. I just dove right in and started talking about our R.

Wild - I'll give some advise that someone once gave me. When W is around pour yourself a big glass of STFU!

Honestly because she asked.

So then I guess she CONTROLS you - huh...or do you really want to control yourself?

But man did I take a head dive into some nice hard pavement

Well now you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and learn from your mistake. Do not beat yourself up for this just make sure you DO NOT do it again...

It's also nice that she just seems soooo happy.

They always seem that way - but if you work on yourself you too will be happy. Trust me - you will.

There is no reasoning with her

You are right so stop trying to. Your actions will speak louder than your words.

But I will make damn sure I just keep doing my 180s

Yes keep them up and stick with them! These should also be 180s for YOU!

I have to get out of my damn house more often.

I live on the east coast if you want to go for a long drive LMAO - kidding dude...kidding. Yes get out do something go enjoy yourself. Give yourself a little break dude.

I would rather have a hot poker stuck against my side than endure this any longer.

He will not give you more than you can bear. You can do this dude. Suck it up - man up - you can do this.

By the way the alt is facebook.

God Bless,
Eric

[Wildaces81]

A big glass of STFU, Yea i need some of that does it come in powder form so I can make it where ever I go? I sometimes want to just pick my kids up and take the F off. Get away, but then I would have the long arm of the law after me.

Its funny because she doesn't see how it affects them but Jesus be with me because it is affecting my D more than we both probably realize.

She controls me? Yes, to a point she has been and that is the sad thing. I need to hike up the skirt(no offence to any ladies out there) and just man the F up. I have been visualizing the STOP sign and that funny but it works. I don't know man right now I just want to be able to detach from the sitch and be down right happy.

[Wildaces81]

Please pray for me. It sunk it that W doesn't care about me anymore. Got surgery yesterday and she left upset because of R talk. Acutally I got upset and accused her of being a pitiful person who pretty much closes off and runs away when things get hard. Don't know if it was the Valum(sp) that was talking from the surgery but it more than likely wasn't. Asked her to come back to help me with our kids mainly our S2 who I cannot pick up because of the surgery.
Need to actually write down goals and things I want to see done with me. I think that is my main prob, i haven't really commited to anything but working out and keeping my kids busy. Which is next to impossible because they have the combined energy of a supernova.

Going DARK.......pray I stick to my guns.

[ericmsant2]

Wild

Please pray for me.

I will dude - know that you are not alone man...you are not alone. He is always with you. Look up at Him and stop looking at her!

It sunk it that W doesn't care about me anymore.

Maybe - maybe NOT - R u in her head? Probably not so stop thinking you know what she is thinking. Ever heard of positive thinking?

Got surgery yesterday and she left upset because of R talk.

DB 101 - stop having R talk! You are shooting yourself in the foot dude - stop it.

I got upset and accused her of being a pitiful person who pretty much closes off and runs away when things get hard.

Now can you tell me how this is suppose to help your sitch?

Don't know if it was the Valum(sp) that was talking from the surgery

Yeah...blame it on the drugs...I'm sure that looks really attractive to her.

Need to actually write down goals and things I want to see done with me.

Yep - do this soon. Make them about YOU not about HER.

I think that is my main prob, i haven't really commited to anything but working out and keeping my kids busy

I did the same thing. From the kids perspective this is good but you also need to have some time for yourself. Take a day a week and have dinner with friends or just hang out with some buddies - try not to let this consume you.

Going DARK.......pray I stick to my guns.

You can do it buddy.

God Bless,
Eric

[Wildaces81]

Talked to DB Coach today. Wow, it was good. Even with my backslide she said that I am doing awesome. Yes I know I have shot myself in the foot and she said what you said eric. STOP. And I will. It was great to talk to her. She was very encouraging and insightful. Hopefully I'll be going to the Nuggets game tonight so WOOOHOOO I'll actually be able to get out of the house and do something for me! And I haven't been to a nuggets game since I was in the seventh grade.

Things are looking up. Actually had non R talk with wife and we both laughed. I made her laugh a lot and it felt good. I wasn't even tempted to talk about R.

Seriously though anyone who is on the fence about calling a DB coach don't be. Just call and set that appointment. There is no way you can regret it.

Also bought the Divorce Remedy so I'm pumped about reading it.

Seriously feel good right now. Amazing how not pounding your head into pavement makes your PMA so much easier.

[Wildaces81]

Going out tonight!!!!!!!!!

Hope all of you have had great weekends so far. Mine has been eh. ;-) But tonight seems like it is going to be a good one.

[Wildaces81]

Last night was good. Had a great time with friends and it was much needed. To bad I didn't get any sleep last night because of my damn cold and having to wake up at 530 lol.

Today is up and down but not so up or so down. Going to the UFC fight later on. I'm rambling.

My kids had no contact with their mother yesterday. Really hurts when she does it. Didn't even call to talk to them or text to see how they were. I hope that I can be outwardly happy when I see her today. Pray that I do.

[Wildaces81]

Had a conversation with W last night after we went to the fight together. Yes we went together and it was so much fun. I'm trying not to get my hopes up just taking it a day at a time.

Last night I kissed her and she said just because you took me out and spent money on me doesn't mean your getting some.

I backed away from her and I told her that I have never tried to buy her love and I never will. I know that is what it might have looked like but it wasn't what was in my mind.

she then looked at me when I sat down and she said that I was a good man. I told her not to say that, that it isn't true. She looks at me and asks why. I said because if I was a good man you would have stayed with me. Left it at that....

She then said again that I was a good man that I always have done the right thing and have always had the right intentions. I said nothing.

She then said that she was a bad person that she was F'ed up and that she doesn't know where she is in life. That she has been messed up for a long time.
I told her that Im sorry that she is feeling like that and that she is going through it alone. but that I have never wanted to change her that I never expected anything from her but love in return. That no matter what I accept her for who she is, that I am always going to be there.

It ended well...no yelling, no tears on my part. Just quiet responses and a lot of nodding.

Felt like a step in the right direction. Now what? I know that I can stay on the path and be patient. I know that my two backslides were big but it let things out that I have been bottling up. I know I am moving forward I just want to be moving for me. Not for us. I feel like if I am going to be moving forward for me ultimately the 'Us' will come along but I am trying not to make that a priority.

Getting out this entire weekend was awesome. It felt good and I have found new friends, who have been there the entire time but I just never realized it.

I honestly that I can one day post a story in the success section. I hope that you guys will continue to give me that gold like advice and encourage me to be positive and patient. I seriously have been blessed by finding this forum.

Aces.....

[Wildaces81]

ROLLERCOASTERS SUCK!!!

[Wildaces81]

All I know is that I want my wife back in my life. Full time. I want her to be in the same bed as me. i want her to help me with our kids. I want to see her trying to be a better mom. It sucks because it looks as though she is fine with being a part time mom. Which for the life of me I would never be able to be a part time parent. I guess her new friends and OM are more important...