maynard, the thing is I don't know if it is a mistake or not. Yea I don't feel real good about the sleeping together. I don't want to be used. But if it is helping her to connect to me is it a bad thing? I know by saying that it is going back on "i don't want sex to be the reason we work things out, i want communcation" grrrr this is so damn confusing.
I do know that I have been making changes for myself and that I have been doing better. I need to get out more on my own though and when I do I'll be able to keep my mind off of her and our R. It is hard to resist not being around her. Especially when she says I never took her out. I want to do things with her. I want to show her that If this is what you are wanting I want to do it for you. But with all the DBing I shouldn't be doing that. I should limit our contact to when she comes to watch our kids in the morning and to when she sees them at night but I don't know how this is going to help me. It is tough. and Lame that I have to play mind games with a person I have loved for 7 years. lol I say that and then think of other people on here that have been married for 3 or 4 decades. How pitiful I must sound.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
its an emotional thing and no one likes the instability or uncertainty...think about when your walking w/ a cup full of coffee...if you focus on the coffee and really try not to spill it, it becomes harder to do...if you walk casually and are not too concerned about it, it's easier...
jasper, to true. I honestly want to have sex with her and I just want to enjoy it for what it is. I'm tired of the way she is acting but I'm praying that she either gets burnt out or burned by all these young people she is hanging out with. She didn't even come over last night to see the kids, which pissed me off. Then i snooped a bit and saw she went to a bar. Honestly I am realizing that she is wanting the life she missed because she got pregnant so young (20). I want to ask her if dating is an option for us but I think it may be too soon. doing more things as a couple would be a huge step. And hopefully will end up with us becoming better friends and then us getting back together.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
IMO asking this question comes off as needy. I would not broach the question. Do you think you are really ready to handle if she says sure why not i'd like to date quite a few people. Think dude - think.
Quote:
Honestly I am realizing that she is wanting the life she missed because she got pregnant so young (20).
Sounds like you are justifing her actions. You may need to do this for yourself but realize she controls her own actions as you control yours.
Quote:
And hopefully will end up with us becoming better friends and then us getting back together.
Keep your expectations low that is not to say that thier is no hope but work on yourself - find out who you are. What are you likes and dislike outside of your M. This is where you energy should be focused - not on her right now. The time MAY come when you can focus on her right now focus on YOU.
God Bless Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, you are right I cannot deny it. I don't want to justify her actions and I guess I can't help doing it. I really don't know what she wants. Other than being a crappy person right now. I'm trying to focus on me but it is hard. I am backsliding right now I guess. I really need to read DB and read the parts on backsliding. I am trying to keep my expectations low but again that is so hard when I see her everyday. All i want to do is grab her and hug her and smell her hair. It drives me nuts. I really feel uncomfortable around my parents and I know it makes them worry but being at their house for an extended amount of time makes me feel like they are looking at me through a microscope. I wish I had the ability to just bust out of this low, I was feeling so good last week and I honestly don't know why I was, especially with how I feel right now. I wish doing things kept my mind off of things but really all it does is make me think of her more and how much I want to be with her. I want her to wake the f up and stop acting so different.
God give me patience and ability to follow your will, not mine. Send your spirit to fill my heart and shine through me. Make me a better person.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Are U saying that she is a crappy person or are you. In either case neither of you are crappy people. Keep your thoughts positive. Positive.
Quote:
I'm trying to focus on me but it is hard.
Yes it is hard but YOU can do it. Stop thinking of the future and take it ONE day at a time. One day at a time.
Quote:
I am trying to keep my expectations low but again that is so hard when I see her everyday.
Maybe you should try and look at it from a different perspective. Maybe you should consider that she does see you everyday and so you have a chance to SHOW her your changes. This sounds a little more positive don't ya think?
Quote:
I really feel uncomfortable around my parents and I know it makes them worry but being at their house for an extended amount of time makes me feel like they are looking at me through a microscope.
Then stop trying to be someone else - don't worry about what they think - do YOU like your changes? Your really the only one that matters at this point. Stop trying to live for everyone else and live for yourself. May sound a little selfish but it is not. Just work on YOU - what do YOU want that does not involve your W? Look deep you will find the answer.
Quote:
I wish I had the ability to just bust out of this low, I was feeling so good last week and I honestly don't know why I was, especially with how I feel right now.
Look dude your human - be gentle on yourself - cut yourself a little slack man. Your gonna have those up and downs but you need to find a way to control them. Pray, go for a walk, work out do something. But PLEASE>>> be gentle on yourself just don't let her see you struggling.
Quote:
I wish doing things kept my mind off of things but really all it does is make me think of her more and how much I want to be with her.
Once again you are normal - you've just experienced major shock - cut your self some slack. Now let me ask you a question....would you prefer to wallon in sorrow or pick yourself up like the man that you are and move forward? Which one is it Wild - I know the answer do you?
Quote:
I want her to wake the f up and stop acting so different.
You cannot make her wake up by begging and pleading but you MAY wake her up by being the man that you want to be. Your actions need to be consistent.
Keep your head up dude - you can make it and you WILL make it. Just know this.
If you want...look me up on the alt.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Your right, I haven't really been pushing, i don't talk about our relationship. I haven't asked her to make dates for now or for the future. The only time we have spent together is as a family with our kids
Quote:
Are U saying that she is a crappy person or are you. In either case neither of you are crappy people. Keep your thoughts positive. Positive.
I'm saying she is a crappy person. Because of what she has done and what she is doing. she is more interested in hanging out with people that are 4 to 5 years younger, that have no children and getting to go out and party.
Quote:
Yes it is hard but YOU can do it. Stop thinking of the future and take it ONE day at a time. One day at a time.
I was doing this, but Monday seemed to be the wrong side of the bed and it has carried into today. I honestly have always been someone who has thought of the future and regretted the past. This is one of my goals. To live for the day, through God and for God, not for me.
Quote:
Maybe you should try and look at it from a different perspective. Maybe you should consider that she does see you everyday and so you have a chance to SHOW her your changes. This sounds a little more positive don't ya think?
Yes it does sound more positive and I need someone like you eric to point it out to me. Its a good thing I found this site because I would be absolutely lost with out it and people like you, rr22, and maynard.
Quote:
Then stop trying to be someone else - don't worry about what they think - do YOU like your changes? Your really the only one that matters at this point. Stop trying to live for everyone else and live for yourself. May sound a little selfish but it is not. Just work on YOU - what do YOU want that does not involve your W? Look deep you will find the answer.
I do like the changes I have made but they are tiny and i just need to keep a PMA and be motivated to do them more. I have actually kept the majority of my house clean for the past week and a half. Which is a miracle when two children are concerned.
Quote:
Look dude your human - be gentle on yourself - cut yourself a little slack man. Your gonna have those up and downs but you need to find a way to control them. Pray, go for a walk, work out do something. But PLEASE>>> be gentle on yourself just don't let her see you struggling.
Thank you for the punches eric, I need them. I need to stay positive. I just let that worm of doubt sneak in all to often.
Quote:
Once again you are normal - you've just experienced major shock - cut your self some slack. Now let me ask you a question....would you prefer to wallon in sorrow or pick yourself up like the man that you are and move forward? Which one is it Wild - I know the answer do you?
I want to move forward. I want to stand tall and be better than I was. I don't want to be where I am at right now. I want to be a good man, and an awesome father.
Quote:
You cannot make her wake up by begging and pleading but you MAY wake her up by being the man that you want to be. Your actions need to be consistent.
I know I can be consistent, I just wish I knew what was working for me.
Quote:
If you want...look me up on the alt.
Whats the alt?
Thank you eric.
Aces.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
The only thing I can add to this is it would be helpful for you to EXPECT the rollercoaster so it won't slam you so hard every day. During this time when things are up in the air, you can go up and down every day and it feels awful. And then the next day you feel totally different. It is a very jarring and scary experience at times. That's why people here say they are working on "detaching" from their spouse's drama. They can still love their spouse and decide to be open to working on themselves and their marriages for a certain amount of time, but they have to try to get off the rollercoaster as best they can. Just knowing it is a rollercoaster can help with that. You are not crazy. It is normal. You will be angry one day, sad the next, happy the next, bitter the next, hopeful the next, and then the whole cycle repeats. !!!! Which means tomorrow always might be a happy and hopeful day. Or a bitter one. LOL.
I agree- look you read a ton of sitches- thats one of my biggest mistakes at the beginning...start to view your sitch as someone elses whom you advise...it should really help...
When I needed the most help here, I quit posting...I was running strictly on emotions...everything I did practicly sealed the fate of my M.
Its hard but like he said know what you're up against- know that you're GOING TO DO 99% of the work...pretend that you're paired up w/ the laziest most neg person at work or school for a project...dont get pissy, do the work the best you can and just get along...but work your 180s!!!
rr22, jasper. I have no intention of leaving this site even if we do not get back together. I do realize that I am on a roller coaster. I just need to make sure I keep my trap shut. Tonight however........ooooooooooohhhhh can anyone say BACKSLIDE!!!!! WOOOHOOOO Aces makes a fool of himself. Wow, did I put my entire foot in my mouth with my W. I just dove right in and started talking about our R. Honestly because she asked. But man did I take a head dive into some nice hard pavement. It's also nice that she just seems soooo happy. GRRRR.
There is no reasoning with her and I thought I had realized that but nope, nope Sure like to beat my head against a wall over and over again. I'm sure my sanity is lacking a bit. Anyways, tomorrow is a new day and I think going dim will be my best bet. I wish I could go dark but when she has to come over in the morning to watch my kids it sure makes it hard. But I will make damn sure I just keep doing my 180s and I have to get out of my damn house more often. This place is starting to close in on me. I hate this.......I would rather have a hot poker stuck against my side than endure this any longer.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
