i know you're correct, but you also know harder said than done. In my sitch is even more difficult because I'm not even there to deal with it. Unfortunately i have yet to be able to face the music so to speak because i haven't even arrived home.
i didn't want this to bother me, nor did i want to call her. My emotions and wandering mind are getting the best of me.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
I screwed up with this one. I called and apologized for making a big deal out of this. She said she was angry and wasn't going to get over it because I seem to be apologizing for the same crap.
Why do i keep doing this stuff? I have been doing so good lately, but this one just struck me to where I had to call and ask. Then I made it worse by calling and apologizing. I knew I was wrong on both fronts, but I just couldn't stop myself.
I hope I can still make things right with time. I hope I haven't set things so far back I just screwed myself.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
I feel like such a dang jack ass. It's her birthday and I just ruined it for her. I really have a long ways to go in fixing myself. I want these insecurities to go away so bad. I can't wait to get home and get the C I so badly need.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
you're insecure because your wife's leaving you, acknowledge this fear and the emotions attached to it, you're not going to be able to detach until this is done, cry in the shower if you have to but let it out, if you have to, do this a few times and then that's it! You're sounding really needy, insecure and trust me, it ain't helping with your WAW situation so stop it!
Man robx how correct you are. I have been spending this entire time knowing I had flaws, but not understanding why my wife would want to leave me. Today for the first time i understand. My jealousy has caused her to back off from having friends. After seeing how I acted this morning, i see it as clearly as I ever have.
Since I've been deployed it's allowed her to talk to people she felt she couldn't talk to because of my jealousy. She's been going to friends and hanging out with friends. This woman has never given me a reason to not trust her, and this is what i put her through.
i have been making improvements in myself, but I really need to work on not being so jealous. i don't want to be needy, but right now i am because of what I'm going through and where i am. At the same time i truly feel for my W.
i want so badly to shed these insecurities. i want to be trusting. these things will make me a better person to anyone. i don't blame her for feeling isolated. i may not have come out and told her not to do these things, by my actions and reactions have showed her otherwise.
I fear my actions of today have solidified our fate before i even get home. I was feeling really good about myself until i slipped up big time today. i don't feel sorry for myself, but i sure am angry as hell at myself.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
The only good to come out of this latest set back is the fact that I now realize some things I didn't clearly see before. I know what I need to tackle first thing for self improvement.
Since I've been deployed I've trusted her with everything she's done. She's gone on mini vacations and gone out with friends with no hassle from me. However, she knows I've always had issue with this one individual.
She said she sent post cards to other people as well, but the difference is they didn't post to Facebook. I wish these stupid little things didn't bother me like they do, and it kills me to see her upset over it.
Is it wrong of me to feel like a jack ass right now, or am i beating myself up too much?
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
We just spoke briefly,and she acted fine with me. I wished her a happy Birthday (since I screwed up this morning), and she said thank you. She told me about her day and that my D4 and D14 had printed up happy birthday pictures, colored them, and hung them all over my wifes bathroom. She said that made her day, I asked my D14 to do something like that for her this morning.
At least she ended up having a good day even though it started out bad. I'm thankful to my daughters for doing that for her.
I will chalk this up as another lesson learned (unfortunately the hard way), and use it to improve myself. I have a long road ahead, but that's why we're at these forums right?
Any comments or advice at this point would be greatly welcome. I have 4 more weeks and then I go home to face the music so to speak.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
When I go back in three weeks, how do I act? My W will be picking me up at the airport with my children and taking me home and then she's leaving. At least that's the plan How do I act when i first see her? Remember it's her that doesn't want me. This is an unusual situation being that I've been gone for this entire process. I'm just wondering whatthe proper way to act around her should be?
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
