I checked my wife's emails and put her phone on the kid plan so I could manage who she had access to. It sent her thru the roof. I told her that if she didn't like it; to get her own.
Eventually she did after she moved out.
Point of this story is that you cannot control who she communicates with but you can surely NOT fund it or allow it to go on in your house.
Oh....he's not gay. She just wants you to give up trying to keep them apart. I heard that too.
Thanks for your suggestions. I won't intercept her email, but I try when I can to copy them to my PC. I usually am only able to get what my wife writes, but every once in awhile I get what he writes. I already have plenty of evidence that an affair is taking place, though it still at an emotional level (saying I love you...things like that) and the most physical it has gotten (I think) is a kiss.
I believe what you are saying is correct about him being gay - it's my wifes way of making me think things are ok. The OM's wife is very overly trusting and has in the past come over and left my wife alone with her husband while going outside with the kids for long periods of time and has gone to the park with them and left them alone on a park bench while going on long walks with her kids. The reason I know so much is because my kids have told me. They tell me when he has been over and when my wife has been on the phone with him for two hours. I have tried to make it clear to her that they are telling each other that they love each other, and she doesn't seem to get it very well, although she is now much more alert to the situation. I need to mention that my wife is a stay-at-home mom and does not work as a psychologist. She just has a bachelors degree in it and that was just one of his excuses to come see her (since he suffers depression).
I'd love to go to his work and embarrass him, but he doesn't work. He made a lot of money as a plumber for rich people and now has been living off of that and real estate investments, but now he is going back to school to study to be a nurse, so maybe I should find out about that and go there to embarrass him.
Last time I saw him, I called him several names that I felt bad about because I don't usually talk like that, and I had the police over to get him off my property because he wouldn't leave when I asked him too several times. Even the neighbors came out to see what the fuss was about. I think I could have handled the situation better, but I did get an agreement with the police that he cannot come here without being arrested. (This story is in my other thread under WAW.)
I really like the idea that you gave me for the anniversary. I'll have to see what I can do.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Hi I have been following and must chime in. Your guessing is driving me crazy!
If you feel the need for concrete proof or to verify NC: Get Spector Pro, A keylogger for her computer.($100 or so) If you do not have access to her computer, Try Webwatcher, which can be installed via email, I think.
Also, get a VAC, voice activated recorder. Get a small digital. Sony has one for about $40 at walmart. Leave it in her car under the seat or where she is most likely to talk with him. Get good batteries and practice with it first so you can be sure it won't beep or buzz!
Waywards will lie even when presented with such evidence, so this must be for you or OHW. Then drop it. Don't get addicted to it. It isn't healthy.
Oh, and never ID your source, or even all your intel.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Thanks Whatnow, thats' some pretty good ideas right there.
Ken, it sounds like you need to get OMW woken up... print up the email you have that's condemning and share it with her.
Once you have done that, and OMW is CONVINCED there IS an affair taking place you show your wife the emails and confront her.
She will be LIVID... She will blast you.
BUT, you will show her you are NOT going to be fooled by her "he's gay" story or anything else she lies to you about.
You NEED GOOD EVIDENCE before confrontation.
She will TRY TO LIE, but you need good ammo here...
You will NEED support from friends and family and THEY won't know who to believe, so you NEED PROOF so yoru friends will support you.
Step 1 - Intelligence - collect a mountain of proof of an affair
Step 2 - Expose - reveal the affair to any and all supportive friends and family who will apply pressure on the wife to end the affair - OMW ESPECIALLY... have LOTS of GOOD evidence.. you have to convince her friends and family that she's cheating, she WILL LIE... you want to get her to LIE to them FIRST, and THEN in step 3 you show evidence to her.... once her friends catch her in a lie they will believe YOU and will be more supportive of you.. untl you can PROVE it, they will turn their heads away and tell you its your business they arne't taking sides.
Step 3 - Intervention - you confront WIFE with supportive family and friends to END the affair
Step 4 - Protection - if she refuses to END the AFFAIR we go to this step, I will cover in more detail later on
Right now just do what you can to get OM away from her and collect evidence of an affair...
WHen you DO try to confront her with family and friends your wife WILL LIE to their FACE about it... you have to be able to proove to her friends and family behoyond ANY DOUBT that an affair IS happening... NO ONE WANTS to believe affairs are happening... its a HUGE MOUNTAIN to get people to believe you...
If you all have not read Ken's other thread in the WAW forum, it would save you a lot of time. He has already been given much of the advice you are giving now. I don't think I told him to go to OM's workplace, but most of the other.
His Pastor even told him that if the A didn't stop that the only answer was for Ken to move away. This was after me pushing him to discuss it with his Pastor, due to his Christian views conflicting with the action he needed to take.
The OM threaten Ken if he had an RO placed on him, etc.You would just have to read it.
As a last resort b/c of the horrible things his W & OM were saying& doing, I told him to call OM (in front of his W)to come get her. He did, OM went and took W home with him......to spend the night in his home while OM's W was there. Next day, she was back. Then Ken called the Pastor to come talk to the "four" of them. OM's W hides her head in the sand, and the church looks away.
I am glad you men are trying to help him b/c I didn't know what else to say. Ken has a hard time applying tough love b/c he craves physical affection so much and his W can keep him under her control by "allowing" him to have it once in a while.
Last edited by sandi2; 03/15/1011:36 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
