She has told me that the R with OM is over but again I don't believe her. She says she hasn't had sex with OM but I don't believe her.
Can you ever get to a point where you can believe her? This is the question that you will need to ask yourself.
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know it will hurt maybe not right away but I know that I am going to ultimately hope that it brings us back together. Which I don't know if it will
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I guess if it was me I would ask myself could you do it KNOWING that it may not lead to anything.
Personally, this is a tough one to answer I really think it is your choice. Sorry dude.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm female, and I don't know about this one. Tell her you'll consider it. Then consider it. That's neither no (rejection) or yes (cake eating). You don't have to listen to everything your C suggests either. What would it take for you to believe that the relationship with the OM is over?
Also, what does the sex mean to your W at this time? Is she committing to "date" you at least or is she just looking for sex but still stating an intention to D?
I guess what I'm getting at is what do you get in exchange for this "booty call"? More booty calls? Actual dating with a hope of working on M? If it's just a booty call, it would be good to know that is what it is so you do not read more into it. Then you can, like ericsant said, decide for yourself.
rr22 and eric, thank you for your advice. I honestly don't know what it means to her. I asked her and she didn't really say anything. My hope is that she will be willing to date, and hopefully we can start working on our marriage. I don't want to feel like I'm being used. I don't want to just be a "booty call" But I do like sex with her. I do want more of it but I don't want our relationship to be brought back together on the basis of sex, I want it to be communication.
Eh, who knows. I know I can't bring her back by anything I really do. It has to be her that wants to come back. Patience is a bitch.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Wild - keep reading the DR or DB books. Keep DBing and keep coming here for perspective and insight. Your doing fine buddy.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm just going to point out what I've read before- from Sandi-
Your W's R w OM caved...who knows what happened, maybe he rejected her...she could be using the sex as a way to control you and make her feel better.
I would follow rrs advice and only consider it...I think its a bad idea to follow through.
I've had sex twice w/ W back in Novemeber--UGGGHHH...I do regret it b/c OM was in the picture, and b/c it showed that I was readily available to W...I don't regret it b/c it may have been the last time I was intimate w/ W...before that was Sept.
Just be wary...other posters had diff experiences, I think Robx was having sex w/ his W pretty regularly then nixed it b/c he wanted something more...a female WAW poster said that her having sex w/ her LBH actually helped their sitch...
Again, every sitch is different...for now, only consider...
Maynard said: I've had sex twice w/ W back in Novemeber--UGGGHHH...I do regret it b/c OM was in the picture, and b/c it showed that I was readily available to W...I don't regret it b/c it may have been the last time I was intimate w/ W...before that was Sept.
This is an interesting point. Maybe you could keep control of the sitch by saying, "Okay. But only once." And hint that you would reconsider in the future depending on her behavior. And then stick to it when she tests you over the next month or so. If you have the stomach to do all that, say it like you mean it, and follow through with the holdout afterwards. Then you can see what happens. Keeps you in the driver's seat if you stick to your stated plan. Others on this board will possibly disagree. I don't know. Depends on your sitch.
Well, we ended up having sex. I honestly don't know how to feel, besides confused. She went out to a bar on saturday and then came over to the house. I told her she could sleep in the bed and one thing led to another and we had sex. Afterwards she told me that I could say "no" to her. And then also said that she knows she can be selfish. I don't know what to make of how she has been acting right now. She comes over to my house after dropping off a girlfriend of hers and said that she didn't want to have to drive all the way to the place she was staying.
Sometimes I think she isn't commited to leaving like she says she is. Or maybe the small changes I've been making are opening her eyes(i know that this is probably not the case). I just want to keep driving on. I want to get to the point where I don't feel like a limb has been severed off everytime she leaves. Sometimes I wish I could read her mind. lol.
All of you have been a great help, you have been keeping my spirits high and I thank God for that. Please don't stop giving me advice or just words of encouragement I need it. I also realize I need to do the same for you. Even though i'm not as wise in the ways of DBing
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
