She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[Surviving03]

I hope so too... I am glad that you feel very positive about your changes, that is good. At least you have that... that is yours and nobody can take that from you. I wouldnt even tell your wife about the progress you are making on your body... I would just shock her with that change when you get back.

[tbart01]

Anyone have any advice on my previous question

I had asked earlier if I should consider this time away somewhat of a separation? I guess I'm trying to gauge the timing of things to see when I should try this or that, if I should consider when I get home the beginning of the separation? It seems logical to count this time apart, but I could be wrong.

[Surviving03]

i dont think i would count this as part of separation... only because you both know that at some point you ARE coming home and things will be dealt with in that regard.

[tbart01]

I understand we will face new things once i'm actually home, but technically we've been separated. She has had her time and space, and you see where thats gotten us. Some improvement, and I hope it will be easier once I return. Like i said before, i know we won't be living together. However, i will get to interact with my children and be the better person I know I've become.

Obviously i won't know when the right time to ask her out for coffee or something simple. I just don't know exactly what things will be like, and when to start dating her and what not.

[Surviving03]

well I think some things will be easier when you do come home...cause right now your options of things you can do to help your marriage are VERY limited, so it will open up different avenues, but I think emotionally it might be more difficult (which what I am anticipating) because her rejection will be in person... but you know that. But it will help you get past just that state of unknowing, right now you just DONT know what it will be like when you come home and my counselor told me thats what i need to hang on to, that the only thing I DO know is that i DONT know what it will be like when i get home, so I need to take it day by day with how it is and not torture myself with the fear of life after my H gets back. I think that could help you as well, cope while you are still away. Everyday that you are still married is a good day

[tbart01]

yesterday I sent her an email asking her to send me cell phone and charger so i had a way to contact people when I returned to the states in 5 weeks. I asked her to let me know if this would be ok or if she disagreed. i woke up expecting a response from her, and had nothing.

I called to talk to my daughter, and during the conversatio my wife returned home from her counseling appointment. I had my daughter as her if she got my email. She responded yes, but said she couldn't answert the question because she had to put my younger daughter to bed. After she put the yonger daughter to bed i had my daughter ask her one more time before i got off the phone. She got a little angry and said she just got hoeme, and would talk to me tommorrow about it.

Is this something I'm reading too much into or is there something to her response? It was an innocent question, because i don't have much time here and if she's going to send it to me she needs to do it soon. Any advice would help. Things have been going pretty well until now. i don't know what has happened to cause this type of response.

[tbart01]

My daughter also told me that my wife has a manila envelope with all th emails I've sent her since I've been over here. There's nothing bad in any of them, but it has me concerned. As far as I know she hasn't been to an attorney. I don't know if it's to help her in IC, to help me when i start IC, or if it's to be used against me. I guess I'm just starting to read into everything.

[tbart01]

I know it seems like I'm talkingto myself here, but I'm confused. Today I called my wife for our weekly scheduled phone call. She asked me how much time I hd and she put my D4 to bed. She asked why I called D14 on Tuesday, and I told her I always call her on Tuesday. She asked if I could call a different night because that's the night she has IC and isn't home. She want's D14 to concentrate on D4. I agreed and chose another day.

I was very calm on the telephone. She had emailed me from work and said she wanted to talk to me beacause she was angry about the night before. Me calling while D14 was watching D4. I stuck to the points, listened and agreed when needed, and compromised like readjusting the day. We finished the conversation with small talk, and then I got off to go to work. I feel doing and saying all the right things, but the truth is when we meet up face to face.

Towards the end of the conversation she asked about how things would be when I came home. W asked me if I wanted the first few days with the kids when I got home. I replied yes absolutely because I miss them and they miss me. W said she would pick me up form the airport, take us home then she would leave for her friends house. I asked if she literally meant she would drop us off, tag off to me, and leave. She repilied with yes, how did you think it was going to be. I told her I thought we would visit for a little while.

I realize she doesn't want to be with me right now, and I realize she wants to feel things out when I get home. I just have a hard time with the fact i left 6 months ago with what apeared to be a wife that loves me, and I'm going home to one that apears not to. I look forward to getting home and seeing my girls, but I'm not looking forward to what lies ahead.

[tbart01]

Anybody have anything to add to this.

[tbart01]

I know it seems like I'm talkingto myself here, but I'm confused. Today I called my wife for our weekly scheduled phone call. She asked me how much time I hd and she put my D4 to bed. She asked why I called D14 on Tuesday, and I told her I always call her on Tuesday. She asked if I could call a different night because that's the night she has IC and isn't home. She want's D14 to concentrate on D4. I agreed and chose another day.

I was very calm on the telephone. She had emailed me from work and said she wanted to talk to me beacause she was angry about the night before. Me calling while D14 was watching D4. I stuck to the points, listened and agreed when needed, and compromised like readjusting the day. We finished the conversation with small talk, and then I got off to go to work. I feel doing and saying all the right things, but the truth is when we meet up face to face.

Towards the end of the conversation she asked about how things would be when I came home. W asked me if I wanted the first few days with the kids when I got home. I replied yes absolutely because I miss them and they miss me. W said she would pick me up form the airport, take us home then she would leave for her friends house. I asked if she literally meant she would drop us off, tag off to me, and leave. She repilied with yes, how did you think it was going to be. I told her I thought we would visit for a little while.

I realize she doesn't want to be with me right now, and I realize she wants to feel things out when I get home. I just have a hard time with the fact i left 6 months ago with what apeared to be a wife that loves me, and I'm going home to one that apears not to. I look forward to getting home and seeing my girls, but I'm not looking forward to what lies ahead.

Does anyone really know how the mind of the WAS works. Four weeks ago she was telling me she was miserable also, then she wa cold, then she still loved me and wanted us to go to C and we'll take it from there, to being back to the way she is now.