My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[Jack_Three_Beans]

jacking this thread for a sec.

Fig.

You're awesome. : )

[hoosiermama]

thanks, fig.

I've never really casually dated. I've had a handful of relationships that almost all grew out of good friendships. So when people suggest I date around, it's kind of a foreign concept to me.

And this one, too, began as a very good friendship--a very close and very comfortable one about 28 years ago. And the reconnection has been warm and supportive, with some sparks. This will develop slowly if it develops into something more--and that's fine.

I don't know where it will go; I don't even know where I want it to go. I just want to keep doors and windows open to what might develop and listen to God whispering to us. We each have a lot of healing to accomplish--and we've each come a long way in the 2 years-or-so since our respective spouses left. But feeling accepted unconditionally and loved (without defining what type of love--good thing we're not Greek!) is a very healing thing, and that's what we've been able to provide for each other on this journey. It's a good start.

[Gardener]

hm, Sounds like you are doing fine. Slow. Steady.
Comfortable, warm, supporting,
Keep working on your healing.

Allow it to be as it will be.
Allow you to be as you will be.

You write this chapter of your life - with a beginner's mind: no shouldas, havetas, gottas. Write your chapter. Imagine it: what would it really look, feel like, sound like and taste like if it was hoosiermama's own, very-own-just-for-me-chapter-in-my-story?

Take advice with a big grain of salt. No one who answers and advises you (including me) is hoosiermama.
You are.

If you want, you can read my Goals in the Goals thread. But no need: the bottom line is 35 years of doing it by the book, honoring obligations, putting everything and everybody else first, even before me.

Now me.
I've only got a few chapters left. I'm gonna write 'em.

Do what feels right with your friend. See if he fits into your chapter once you've envisioned it and dreamed it.

[figgeroni]

Thanks Jack

[Drew]

But don't put yourself on a timeline. You never know when that special someone is going to walk into your life. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be two years from now, you just don't know.

And sometimes it happens when you aren't even looking ....

[hoosiermama]

But don't put yourself on a timeline. You never know when that special someone is going to walk into your life. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be two years from now, you just don't know.

And sometimes it happens when you aren't even looking ....

...and that's how this one was. No contact for ~19 years, lives went on. Then our gym teacher wore a shirt one day that said Texas, and for some reason I thought "hmmm--didn't Brian end up in Texas? think I'm gonna google him and see if I can find what he's up to." And there he was--his faculty page, he's now a professor. shot him an email, he replied; his wife walked out a month before my husband did--about 8 months prior to this reconnection. and we chatted on, and the rest is history. I immediately felt "at home" in talking with him. In our 20's, we used to talk for hours about everything.

[hoosiermama]

thanks, gardener. you have a lot of wisdom.

I have a 14-year-old daughter starting high school in August. For now, her needs take priority--but that's as it should be, and as I want it to be. She and I are writing this next chapter.

Interesting--one of the things I struggle with is forming hopes and dreams for myself. I want D14 to be well and happy, I would very much like to love and be loved by someone deserving. but beyond that--I don't know. those muscles have atrophied! I've helped 2 husbands now get educations and establish careers while I essentially put myself on hold--and that didn't turn out so well; now I'm alone and if I had focused on my own career I'd be more financially stable. I'm not saying that because I'm bitter, but it illustrates what happens when we continually defer our happiness for that of someone else--who doesn't deserve the sacrifice.

[Gardener]

hm,

I'm not saying that because I'm bitter, but it illustrates what happens when we continually defer our happiness for that of someone else--who doesn't deserve the sacrifice

I understand.
And of course having a D14 limits the options on writing your next chapter...somewhat. Keep in mind, though, that she will be watching you write it.

[hoosiermama]

hm,

I'm not saying that because I'm bitter, but it illustrates what happens when we continually defer our happiness for that of someone else--who doesn't deserve the sacrifice

I understand.
And of course having a D14 limits the options on writing your next chapter...somewhat. Keep in mind, though, that she will be watching you write it.

excellent point, gardener. and honestly, that is always at the front of my mind. she watched me crumble in the beginning; hopefully she has watched me rise from the ashes more recently.

and I'm thinking that being a mom of a teenager is not so much a limitation as a need to focus my options. and that's okay.

[Gardener]

and I'm thinking that being a mom of a teenager is not so much a limitation as a need to focus my options. and that's okay.

An excellent way of framing it, approaching it.