Positive developments? #2

[jon2911]

Good weekend overall. W felt terrible on Saturday and Sunday, so we never made it out to a movie and dinner, but Redbox came through. Also got the furniture nicely packed and back to Dallas. I'll be back in Houston next weekend for the washer and dryer, and to help her move furniture to her grandparent's ranch.

FIL came up a few times during the weekend, she said he's really stressed in retirement, can't sleep because of some stuff going on with SSIL, and also W's situation, and health issues. FIL actually texted her in the night asking if she was up. Creepy. He's so miserable in retirement he's considering a position with a company. Tough life.

I helped her with her phone and computer issues, and while on her phone noticed an e-mail marked confidential. Probably shouldn't have snooped, but I did. It was news of SSIL in legal trouble, sounds like she's in jail. Too bad, I really like her, but I think she'll turn it around.

W wrote to FIL "thanks so much for your patience with my issues and with SSIL's baggage"

FIL wrote back "You're making some really good choices lately, and soon you won't have any baggage at all. Keep following God and he'll bless you!"

So, there's the rub with snooping. Also, there were some e-mails from a potential OM who watched W's dog during her retreat. I've met the guy though, that at least is good.

I was fairly chapped after that. Baggage huh? FIL's probably talking financial, but referencing the D as well. Yes, she's making some much better choices now, but he has no idea about them. Someday I'll hopefully get to break the news to him. For now, choice is up to W.

[River]

Jon

You're being given such a lot to deal with.

Snooping's bad, but (apart from the SSIL situation) I don't think it told you anything you didn't already know. It reconfirmed once again that the dependency relationship of FIL and W is really odd. REALLY odd. And that the struggle isn't so much between you and W, as between W and her relationship with FIL. The emails to dog-man don't sound significant; FIL is the issue. Hopefully he'll get a job, something to occupy his mind so that he stops trying to use his energies to manipulate his family.

It must be frustrating for you, and there are lots of people reading your thread who feel for you and support you.

It's encouraging that W went on retreat, and that the issue of the divorce and her mother's death came up. Her family might be trying to manipulate such occassions for their own ends, but the results of this kind of reflection will always be quite beyond their control, and may well work in favour of W's development and independence, and in improvements in her relationship with you.

River

[MichelleLT]

Her family might be trying to manipulate such occasions for their own ends, but the results of this kind of reflection will always be quite beyond their control, and may well work in favour of W's development and independence, and in improvements in her relationship with you.

Yeah, those types of things tend to backfire on the manipulator lol.

You aren't finding anything new by snooping because there's nothing new. She's talking to you about a lot of that stuff, the rest of it is old news. What did you expect to find?

[jon2911]

Thanks River and Michelle!

It is interesting to me that FIL is so miserable in retirement. He thought it was going to be awesome, and worked himself to the bone to have the money saved up after he lost it all in the D. Ha. Now, he got there, now what? Also, GFIL worked his whole life to retire to a golf course house, and as soon as he was able to do so, realized his knees were too bad to play golf.

These guys are great with their money. They really are. I need to learn from them. But I look at their lives overall and say "that's completely NOT what I want". Which is a lesson in itself.

W texted me yesterday: "dishes are completely packed, no need to bring boxes, see you this weekend!" I called her last night, and she said she was unable to sleep all night the night before, and FIL and SMIL got worked up upon hearing that, showed up and spent the day helping her pack. Nice of them, I guess.

I'm having to bite my tongue so hard it's about to fall off. For one thing I'm buying my own wedding presents back. When we split, she took the dishes and I never had any say. This is SO WEIRD. But I can't think about it that way. I'm getting a great deal for myself, and giving her one more reason to move here.

I gave up a great gig on Sunday, old worship pastor coming in town and wanted me to play with him, and food after. Maybe I can make it back for the food part. This feels like a really key time with W, and there will be other gigs. I just have to disconnect from the fact that I'm helping my W pack for another move away from me.

E-mail from W at 5:30 AM: "Do you have video of your sister's wedding? I'm sure she was beautiful."

More indications that there's some thinking going on down in Houston.

[MichelleLT]

Always good to know what you don't want.

Just be glad she didn't do like my XH and donate everything. F*cktard gave away his grandmother's stoneware, my cast iron, our good set of knives, etc. So, it could be worse! Keep biting your tongue.

Hope you have a nice weekend.

[jon2911]

Just be glad she didn't do like my XH and donate everything. F*cktard gave away his grandmother's stoneware, my cast iron, our good set of knives, etc. So, it could be worse! Keep biting your tongue.

Thanks! Good to remember.

Worked until almost 7:00, then talked with W on the way home from work, then she had to go and I went to bed early. Work sucks this week, we have a guy out for jury duty and were already overbooked.

I'm learning to break the anger and frustration of customers, we just have a really angry customer base while we launch a new system. There's a really cheesy line that one of the other guys uses: "the thing I like about computers is, even at their very worst, they make really good paper weights".

I had told W this, and she thought it was terrible. However, yesterday I had such a worked up customer, she'd been having trouble all day, but right when she called me it started working. Kind of like that noise that stops right when you get to the auto mechanic. I said "you know, one of the guys here has a saying", and used the paper weight line. She started laughing and said "well, mine's not even good for that."

Then we talked for the next few minutes about Nostradamus and the year 2012 and did I think the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile mean anything. LOL. Suddenly she forgot about her computer for a little while.

I told W this, and she couldn't believe it. How long did we talk about that stuff? She asked. I've never worked this type of customer support before. A lot of it is just letting people vent and letting them know I understand. Then, not taking it personally. Which is hard.

It occurred to me that dealing with a W in chronic pain can be much the same, and I'm getting better at that too. Text from W in the night: "I'm sorry I missed our evening chat. Thankfully we can catch up in person soon enough. Plan on being here around 5 or later".

Also, she texted "Good morning" on my way to work, and we had a nice chat. W isn't usually up in the morning. Good progress I think.

Our owner is on vacation this week. W wanted to know where, so I found out that it was Jamaica and texted her how jealous I am. I need to become the !@#%!@# owner.

[MichelleLT]

Glad to see the easy communication is still there. Definitely something to encourage!

[K4D]

Our owner is on vacation this week. W wanted to know where, so I found out that it was Jamaica and texted her how jealous I am. I need to become the !@#%!@# owner.

So start your own company on the side. Become a self made millionair. You already enjoy working in start up companies. Can you brand one of those ideas into a company for yourself?

Kevin

[K4D]

Text from W in the night: "I'm sorry I missed our evening chat. Thankfully we can catch up in person soon enough. Plan on being here around 5 or later".

I love this.

Kevin

[jon2911]

Thanks Kev! I definitely want to learn all I can from my current job, either to move up internally or strike out on my own. Exciting.

The weekend went well, FIL caused trouble on Saturday making W do a lot more work than he'd promised, but I went with the flow and killed time around Houston. Visited the San Jacinto Monument, rode a ferry, and drove through the only underwater tunnel in Texas.

We went to her grandparents Ranch on Saturday night and dropped some furniture off. It's one of our favorite places and it was nice to visit. We then hit the Museum of Natural Science with free tickets on Sunday.

I wanted to stay at the Ranch on Saturday night, because FIL had already packed W's bed and moved it during the day, but she was scared about her family. W is legally a part-owner of the place, she's 27 years old, and she's scared to stay the night. I really got steamed over this, but kept my mouth shut. How much longer will she let them treat her like she's 5? She's always been the baby of the family, and never broken out of that.

The washer, dryer and dishes loaded up just fine. W also gave me her turtle, which is huge. I've been wanting a pet, and Sheldon will be perfect. We cleaned his tank together, and went over his food, etc.

As I was packing up the last few things to leave, W handed me some snacks for the road and I could see she was crying. I made a few more trips, then came in and hugged her for a while. She said "I don't want to move". I told her she did a really good job with the place, that I always enjoyed visiting and she knows how to make a place feel like home. "Now you'll have most of the stuff" she said, and I agreed. I told her Sheldon said she has to come visit soon.

At work yesterday, the owner came back and told us about his vacation. He also said the insurance has raised his rates by 65%, so he's getting quotes from other companies. He had forms for us to fill out, and I kept W off for now. There were a lot of questions about being on Disability and Medicare that could get really sticky. He's been paying 100% of the health benefits, but said he can't do that any more with the price increase. Wow, I'm so ticked.

I related the price increase to W, and she asked softly if I'd consider putting her on my benefits. I told her I would, that as long as we're still married it's something I'd like to do. She said "thank you Jon". Later she e-mailed that her account is overdrawn, and could I pay her for the furniture and appliances. I told her there's $100 in the joint account for now, but I'll need to get some numbers back from the owner and then we'll talk. I think she should have to pay her share of the insurance while she still lives in Houston. Ugh. BAD timing on this price increase. I really hope Obama can completely overhaul this system. 65% increase, no reason, these insurance companies are a bunch of sleazebags. I'm really starting to worry that my company is too small to deal with W's health problems. We'll see.