I know you have to do what is comfortable for you but, I think you should go and be the picture of calm, cool, collected grace. You know just be yourself
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
oh, there's no way I'd miss graduation! I was only thinking about skipping the dinner. In fact, skipping dinner seems the only gracious thing to do, since relatives are coming in from out of town and I'm sure they'd love to be able to celebrate with D14. I can sit thru graduation and look for all the world like I'm calm, cool, and graceful--it's just that I don't want to sit at a table with xH and OW indefinitely afterwards. Awkward for D14, too.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
yeah, the point with my daughter trying to make it all ok is exactly my point. Yeah, I'd be uncomfortable--but it's D14's night and she'd be more uncomfortable than I am. Better that she go and have fun with the aunts and uncles and cousins. We will celebrate at another time, and it will be ok.
I don't know whether my co-workers will actually come to graduation, but I went to a baptism for our secretary's daughter (with D14) and we had a great time; everyone will be completely scandalized but they won't be able to say a word because my friends are welcome and have enormous goodwill! This homogenous white Catholic church could use a little infusion of spontaneity and joy! As for witchy woman--one can only hope!!!
My Texas friend. Sigh. He's as supportive as he can be, I think, while juggling a million crises, an intensely busy work and business travel schedule, single parenthood with a 16-year-old daughter, and all that goes with that. While I still panic when it feels he's pulling away, most of the time I can see it's due to busy-ness and his own personal recovery from an unwanted divorce (our timetable was almost exactly the same, altho we didn't reconnect until about 9 months into it all). As opposed to actual pulling away--altho there is very definitely that rubber band pursue-evade thing that happens, but it isn't malicious--it just is. While I'd really be comfortable if he was still infatuated, I think we're getting an opportunity to get to know each other, and we're two pretty wounded people with years of therapy between us and it's just going to take awhile to see where this might go. In the meantime, there's some very nice trust and comfort levels and mutual support--and that's not a bad place to begin. The slowness, tho, plays havoc with my underlying abandonment issues at times.
Thanks for asking!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
ps--if anyone has any wisdom along the lines of relationships-post-D, I'm open to hearing it. Obviously I have a lot of triggers and a lot of baggage--but learning to work with it in a way that feels safe. Unless I sabotage a potentially very good thing, that is.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
hmama, This is not wisdom and therefore not what you're looking for, but I plan on absolutely no relationship or contact.
She has violated, broken and nullified our friendship in so many ways and so many times that I am dropping her as I would any friend who did likewise.
I am fortunate, of course in that all the kids are grown and out and we had none together, so there's no co-parenting relationship to be defined.
Wiser folk will be along shortly, I'm sure.
oh, gardener--I was too vague!!
I meant--relationship with someone else! My relationship with xH is over except for co-parenting a really wonderful kid, and I'm very comfortable with it being limited to that.
I'm just trying to negotiate a sorta-kinda friendship/relationship with a good, kind man who lives 800 miles away, is sorting through his own issues and life, and with whom I share some amazing synchronicity and probably potential for something very positive. And dealing with my own self-doubt, triggers, baggage, and neediness in that. That's the relationship I was referring to in my last post!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I casually dated several people after I did lots of work on myself (about 2 years). I wanted to have fun but nothing serious...I didn't feel I was ready. I had several really good times, made some friends, discovered some people who needed to do more work on themselves with licensed professionals and I found Cori
In the beginning he was a wonderful, supportive friend that I had an amazing connection with
we started spending more time together and even though he lived 6 hours away, we spent many weekends together
after awhile of dating and becoming more serious (we both were a quite a bit nervous about this) lots of praying and soul searching and even friend adjusting (there were several people who did not approve of our relationship for several reasons, some valid, some not) we decided to risk it
I found him to be a tremendous blessing and one can not receive great rewards without some risks...but I had to be very willing to lose it too...you know, faith
so far we are doing wonderfully there are some hiccups but we have done lots of hard work on ourselves and we did lots of hard work together to get to the point where we are
