My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think that's all largely true, Hoozh. Sadly enough.

Puppy

[figgeroni]

What about some temporary type work?

I waitressed on the weekends that the boys' dad was supposed to have them...I made really good money (sometimes more those nights than my weekly salary)

and when he stopped taking them, I paid a sitter...

it helped
having that cash in my pocket

I am owed over $60,000 in back child support and over $20,000 and counting from my 2nd failed relationship

if I had that money....the things I could do...but I don't and wishing for it and being angry I don't have it only takes time away from other things that I would rather focus my energy on.

Cat or Kat (my memory is going ) mentioned making a vision of where you want to be

I think that is a wonderful idea and I know that I do it all the time...I do some of the crappy things I have to do because it is a means to an end, you know?

our landlords just told us their grown daughter is moving in to our house and we need to be out by May or June 1st. THe only places to rent are 2 bedroom apartments and with 4 kids that just isn't happening...we have both been through divorces that have destroyed our credit (along with some of our own stupid mistakes to be sure)and his ex calls the police for a child welfare visit at least every other week (last night I put coffee on for them...they know us by name)

we will survive
because we always have
because I have Faith that if I do everything in my power, God will finish what I can't...I have to do it though...I have to try everything, I can't give up or worry I will mess up or go into it thinking I will fail because that isn't giving it my all

you are in a triage state of mind even when the crisis is over

and I don't mean that harshly...I mean that in a concerned way...like you are tying yourself up in the triage part (which is understandable) and you are looking for zebras in horse pastures...don't get ahead of yourself which is much easier said than done

what about some crazy options
like moving to where you could get a job more in your field?
obviously not in the middle of the school year but what about during the summer?
is there some restriction on that in your divorce decree?

what about selling the house back to your ex and cutting your losses instead of letting it drain you?

what about taking in a renter if you can't sell it?

what about asking for a scholarship for the choir program for your daughter?

I don't know if any of those things will work but it seems like you may be stuck worry about the same things so what if you got rid of those things?

[hoosiermama]

you are in a triage state of mind even when the crisis is over.

interesting--I made that observation, with very similar terminology, to a friend I was talking with last week. you're right--I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, anticipating an attack, looking for trouble where there isn't any. I think it's a kind of PTSD response, really. how do I get past it, tho?

anyone else been here? what did you do to relax your defenses, emotionally take a deep breath and drop your weapons?

thanks for validating my idea; I think you're onto something.

[Aud31]

how do I get past it, tho?

You have to make a conscious effort...think about where you want to be, make a list. Even if you can only come up with one or two wishlist items, write them down, and read them to yourself, out loud. When you're feeling down & lost, say them to yourself. Heck, I used to scream them to get my mind out of the negative loop it so naturally found.

The emotional relaxation follows the turn of your focus to positive things.

((hugs))

[Aud31]

p.s. I carry a little notebook with me at all times, so I can use my down time to direct my thoughts to what and how I WANT to be...just that little effort helps so much to refocus from dwelling on circumstances to putting my energy into helping things go right.

[hoosiermama]

Thanks, Aud!

This stuff seems so basic--I guess I have a lot to relearn. So let me begin at the bottom and ask you to give me some examples. Are you talking about states of being, concrete goals, objectives? Sorry to be so obtuse, but I think you're onto something that I've been missing. Thanks!

[Aud31]

Yep, it's basic...sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.

I'm talking about all of the above: states of being, concrete goals, objectives. It takes some brain power to put what you want into tangible words (at least it does for me--I tend to distract easily). Here are some ideas:

-I am (fill in the blank with as many as you want...calm, worthwhile, organized, prepared, creative, compassionate, joyful, grateful, at peace, positive, financially stable).
-I enjoy (a fulfilling and rewarding career with a comfortable income, etc.).
-My home is (relaxing, happy, safe). I set the tone with (actions needed to create the atmosphere you want).
-I listen carefully to my friends and family and respond with a positive voice, healthy boundaries and natural consequences.
-I take action now. I live the life I want.

The sky is the limit--you choose the direction you take. Obviously, things don't change overnight, but when you lift your thoughts, you open doors you didn't know were there.

[hoosiermama]

ok, so you're talking about affirmations and (sorta) visualization. Wasn't sure if you meant that or something more goal/objective oriented in a concrete way. thanks.

[Coach]

HM, This is a good website for what you are looking for:

http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/

Cheers

[kat727]

Here is an idea to go along with that. Have you ever seen a picture that just captures what you want? It could be a house, kids playing, a vacation spot, a scenic photo. Cut it out and carry it with you. Write down how you feel when you look at it. Just another suggestion.

hugs, kat