Positive developments? #2

[MichelleLT]

Just present the option and let her make her choice.

Glad you had a nice visit. Seems like the tension is more from miscommunications and your expectations than any real hiccups in trying to develop a R (other than distance and family LOL).

[jon2911]

Just present the option and let her make her choice.

I'm really amazed how hard that is for me! I have such a controlling tendency, especially when I see her this miserable and in pain.

I need to find a balance here, because angry and controlling, talking down to her, trying to make decisions for her, this is what she gets from FIL and the rest of the family. However, it seems there are times when I need to do what Stuck is saying: be definitive, wear the pants, tell her how it's going to be. Confidence. Finding the balance of acting more like FIL (in a good way), planning, executing, etc. I just don't have to be an ass about it like him and never listen to any different perspective.

[jon2911]

E-mail just now from W:

Jon,

It was nice seeing you this week, I hope my visit didn't disrupt your week too much. Here's a few thoughts and questions...

1. I won't be able to pay you back as soon as I thought, I'm so sorry.
2. Please don't feel obligated to do any gift or the like for V-day. I had a wonderful time with you and you have been so giving already.
3. As soon as I can, possibly tomorrow, I'll work on cr insurance and get back to you on it.
4. If you can, please research and find how i can get my old palm info onto my new palm...pretty please.
5. The computer is working great. It was fun learning it with you. If you will, please send me a quick reminder on WLAN, WWLAN, LAND, LAND MINE, etc.
6. If you wanna come visit, I'd love to have you, but it'll be a "working weekend", ya know?

xoxo,


W

[jon2911]

I'm a little ticked because I already made plans for the weekend. And W was so wishy-washy about whether she wanted me to come in. So I need to stick with the plans. Here's what I'm thinking of responding:

W,
Thanks for the offer, I already confirmed my plans for the weekend. I do want to visit sometime before you move out, maybe next weekend?

As for the money, just transfer it whenever you can. I'll send you a nerdy e-mail this weekend about the other stuff.


Jon

[K4D]

You seem to have the DBing thing down. The only thing I would say is with regard to the money. Do you need it back? Was it a significant amount? If not, what would happen if you told her not to worry about it and relieved her of that? Might it be a way of showing generosity as an unconditional loving husband?

I don't know if this is an option for you or not because I don't know any of the details of the financial aspect of it, so it was just a thought.

Kevin

[jon2911]

Thanks Kevin! Don't feel like I have it down, I'm still questioning a lot of this. As for the $200, my stance for the past couple years is I'll buy her stuff: a nice hotel weekend, clothes, etc, but I'd rather not send money. I feel like she'll take advantage of it and I want to give her something tangible.

Talked with W a few times this weekend, tried to have fun and go through with my plans, but my power was out until Sunday night. Grrr. Really wished I had gone ahead with the Houston plans, but didn't tell W that.

Did have a great time at church, hadn't played there in 5 months while I was getting paid at another church, and the worship guy said my "chops" were greatly improved by playing so much the last few months. Nice.

I went ahead and sent W flowers, regardless of her e-mail. Got a picture back with "Happy Valentine's Day Lover Boy". So, that's a win. Also, she's calling me "babe" a lot more when we talk. Little things.

Talked to her this morning and FIL is coming over to her apartment to help her start moving stuff into storage. She's also mentioned selling her car and driving the grandparent's, and now puts "a year" timeframe on staying there. I'm just listening and validating, she knows where I stand.

[K4D]

Ouch, a year time frame. Well, that could change at any time. It sounds like she is getting closer to you, but is still hesitant to make that final leap. I'd say keep doing what you are doing. She is responding well to it.

Good job on the improvement in performance on the church gig.

Kevin

[jon2911]

Texts from W early Monday morning between 5 and 6 AM:
"Good morning. Sounds like fun last night! I hope your day goes well, keep taking your vitamins and cold medicine for a while"

"I love my Palm Pre, thanks for all of your help with it!"

"You can see your truck on Google Maps!"

I woke up stressed, thoughts about W and marriage, work. After the last text, I called her a stalker. No, just kidding LOL. Gave her a ring and we had a nice talk.

FIL came to her apartment yesterday and took her TV and other stuff into storage. So she's really moving ahead with this move. It really hurts and I get pissed whenever she brings him up but I'm trying to blow it off.

Last night we figured out car insurance, stressful as that crap always is. She's convinced she needs to sell her car even though her grandparents don't want her to, so we scaled her back to liability only, and did that for me as well because my truck is so old. Cut our bill in half. Nice.

Also found out she's busy this weekend, but she "penciled me in" for the next weekend.

Text this morning "I hope your day goes well"

I responded "You too! Excited about our penciled in weekend"

"Me too, it'll be fun. Maybe we can find some deals for dinner, still have free movie passes for two movies"

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like a ton of very nice positives!

Love the increased communication and time together. Also the pet names.

Too bad she feels like she needs to move in w/ grandparents. Such a blow to her independence.

Glad you guys got the car insurance thing fixed.

[jon2911]

Too bad she feels like she needs to move in w/ grandparents. Such a blow to her independence.

I know. She said something interesting to me in the night last week: "I hate this. I don't want to need anyone. I don't want to be one of 'those women' who always have to have someone."

I think that sums up the tension of W's life pretty well right there.