Dreams of a New Normal...

[aliveandkicking]

I'm feeling a bit better. Thanks. The posts here have helped. I have to stop expecting myself to do this "just right."

[givingitmyall]

AAK,

I think all that anyone should expect, including yourself, is just do the best you can.

[aliveandkicking]

Honestly, maybe I'm a perfectionist but "the best I can" kind of bugs me. It is what H says all the time and while I believe he believes that, I think sometimes we have to be a little more introspective and thoughtful about choices that effect so many people.

I do get it, I do need to give up on finding the "right" way through this but one of us has to put on the old thinking cap.

[givingitmyall]

Not suggesting otherwise. Just don't be too hard on yourself.

[aliveandkicking]

I know. You're a sweetie. I really get that.

[AlexEN]

Nothing wrong with being tough on yourself as long as you trust yourself, too, (and you're no harder on yourself than you are on anyone else)...

[aliveandkicking]

(and you're no harder on yourself than you are on anyone else)...

Yikes, I hope I'm not that hard on others...something to think about.

Feeling good right now. Productive. I have a meeting regarding a project I am excited about and I am working this week. I am also putting pen to paper and coming up with a plan for what I want in a settlement.

Cr*p, work just got canceled. Que sera...hopefully they'll reschedule.

Communication with H is going better though he sent me a totally inappropriate photo of S6...now it is just stupid and thoughtless, not something that would preclude him from seeing his kids. As I told my parents when the reacted with horror, unfortunately, idiots are allowed to have kids.

As for where I wan to live. My dream has been to get out of the city (but still technically within the county so I don't think he can fight it). My qualms have been a) moving kids to a new school on top of everything else and b) distance from my parents and H. Well, S9 (who was my big concern) expressed enthusiasm about the idea (loves nature and the locale) and talked about how he loves making new friends.

So, I just have to consider the distance factor and that my family may be aggravated. In my heart I think it would be a much more peaceful and healthy lifestyle.

[AlexEN]

Here's CityGirl's link to thought-stopping:

Thought-Stopping

[aliveandkicking]

Overhead is too high? Why? Need to fix that or you'll drown or slowly bleed to death financially. (I know these things - Take a look at my signature.).

L is best at what? If you need the emotional support then maybe he isn't the best for YOU.

Overhead is mostly high rent. H adding another place makes it impossible.

I am looking for places now.

L is a relative and for now is free and one of the "best" in town. May not be the best for me if things get touchy but for now he is a valuable resource.

[aliveandkicking]

Ok. I'm just going to say it...25 MLC...I miss you. Was it something I said? Through all of the gobbly guk, I'm getting somewhere here, finally.