Hope is the thing with feathers....

[antlers]

My intentions would be to help her heal and understand.
My expectations would be for her to heal and understand.
It's for her. I am very remorseful that I caused her the pain that I did, and I would like to help her heal, and understand.
Copying the 'spouse' portions of the book to give to her seems like an even better idea. "W, this is part of a book I've been using as a basis to grow and become a better person, and the first step to doing that was gaining some insight into what you went through for years being married to me."
How do I make it about her? How do I make it clear to her that it 'is' about her? Should I say anything else?

Thank You so far Bridge. I would appreciate more insight from you on this.

[antlers]

Mornin' Bridge.

I copied the first part of the book, and I wrote a note that said what I posted earlier. I haven't sent it over there yet though...thinking I should write one more sentence but I don't know what I should say! Do you think I should say anything else...and if so, what?

Thank You



ps - I know this is your thread, and you want people to help you here. I hope I can.
But this is a situation in which you are uniquely capable of helping me, and I hope you will.

[Bridgestone]

let me think on this.. something bugs me about it, but can't put my finger on it right now.
can you send me a copy of what you have in the note in the alt universe? or if you are comfortable post it here?

[antlers]

I don't mind posting it here...
it says "W, this is part of a book I've been using as a basis to grow and become a better person, and the first step to doing that was gaining some insight into what you went through for years being married to me."

Thanks Bridge

[Reincarnated]

You might want to mention if you think YOU were the "resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive" spouse, or if you think she is those things....

Be careful not to place too much self-blame for the sitch - it puts you in a weaker position that doesn't garner respect...

I'm not sure, either. I know that my ex didn't read ONE thing that I gave him or left lying around - he didn't want to be "brain-washed" or convinced he was wrong.

[Bridgestone]

I think the parts that Antlers is talking about wouldn't be very likely to let Mrs. Antlers feel as if she was being brain washed...

It's more about validating her decision to not live with a resentful, angry, & abusive man.. & not just Antler's perspective but from someone who counsels them.

I'm still thinking about how I would like to hear it from Mr. Bridgestone... thanks for your patience. I'm slow to respond because I understand the gravity of this note for you & Mrs. Antlers, not because of being dismissive of it.

[antlers]

Bridge,
thanks for helping me with this. I understand you being "slow to respond", and I know you understand the gravity of this note...I appreciate it. Thank you. I feel fortunate to have your interest and insight.

[goldeylox]

Bridge...fly-by hugs. And thanks. I'm taking care of Goldey now. Peace in 2010.

[Bridgestone]

Happy WEEK-END!

Things are mostly good in the world according to Bridgestone. a bit chilly but at least it's sunny here. got to love the clear blue sky against the pine trees & white snow.

no big plans for the week-end. Drinks with a friend for Friday afternoon club here in an hour or so.. hair appointment tomorrow.. (keeping up that PMA).. lunch with a womens' group tomorrow & movies tomorrow night. Church & cleaning house on Sunday (ok.. not so good for the PMA)

I registered for a divorce support group through one of the mega-churches here in town today. Classes start mid-February... happy valentines day. One of the single's groups in town is throwing an 'anti-valentines' day mixer... I may register & go to that.

While I think I'm doing well in moving on in life and dealing with the D, real-life support in addition to the virtual friends that are just a phone call or email away can't hurt.

Thanks for everyones support & thoughts. I know there are many of you reading along that don't post.. that's ok. I hope you can gain something from what you read.

Peace
Bridge

[lodo]

Sounds like you need to escape to sunny CA for awhile! Maybe an afternoon tour of a winery would be just the thing to lose those mid-winter blahs! Oh, and mid-D blahs. Which are blahs. But it is what it is, right?