Check out craigslist for volunteer opps. Also, since you live in a big city- go to meetup.com and see what they have planned. Good luck
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
(((Trixi))) Thanks! meetup.com is cool! They had 50+ events listed in my zipcode. Unfortunately, none for new years eve, but I can see it's gonna be a good resource for me.
I didn't even know that Craigslist had a volunteer section.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
I am so shocked that meetup didn't have anything going on NYE!! Up here there are at least 4 things posted and that's just for the groups I'm a member of. Well, anyway, I sure hope that you find something to do and that you have a great time
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
My week long break from W is nearly over now. D17's plane from california (she performed in the Rose Parade) returns only an hour after W's plane, so I'm picking them both up from the airport.
I'm dreading seeing W again; it's a very strange feeling this mixture of dread and missing her.
New Years eve was good; I never found a volunteer opportunity. The only ones I found were for driving people too drunk to come home, and I really wanted to do something social. After all, I've spent enough time with W drunk to not want to be around that (I know, that's a little bitter). I ended dropping S13 off at his friends party, and then going to visit some of my friends at their gigs. The mother of S13's friend that was hosting the party invited me to join them, and I returned before midnight to celebrate with them. It was a small group, and we had a good time. 1am, me S13 and his friend had a little jam session: great fun!
Got home around 2am, and saw that W had called the house 6 times trying to reach S13. That's good, since I was wondering why she had limited her contact with him (although he didn't seem to notice). She finally reached via text a little after we got home (she's 3 hours behind us) and said something about not having reception where she was. Her parents home has great reception, so of course I'm imagining her off with some man for NY, or she is avoiding the voice call for a similar reason. So much for my detachment!
Somehow, I was less angry and more sad about it. At a moment of weakness, I sent her a text with the simple "Happy New Year". I regretted it immediately, and turned my phone ringer off. This is so stupid; I spent this week making detailed posts to many people here about this very topic, and then I go ahead and do the opposite of what I know I should be doing. At the moment, I was thinking I needed to show W some kindness, and wishing for a decrease in hostility between us. Sigh.
My new years resolutions have to include living up to what I know is right.
Give me some 2x4's!
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Don't beat yourself up. No one is perfect. Just don't do it again.
Quick thing about detachment. Detachment is being ok with the worst case scenario. It's not an absence of emotion towards your W. What you feel about your W and your M is normal.
I picked up D17 and W from the airport yesterday. W was still very angry and could barely speak to me, much less look at me. We had about a 45 minute ride home. When both S13 and D17 tried to offer her the front seat, she refused (D17 rolled her eyes). W sat in the back in pouted, while D17 told us about her trip to california.
As soon s we got home, W left to walk one of the dogs, slamming the door on the way out. Again, both kids are wondering what is wrong. She was gone for a couple of hours, and then returned to pout in her room. I suggested that we watch a movie together, and had the kids ask her to join us, and she eventually did. Still, it was a very tense night.
Today, W seemed much calmer and asked me if I could sit down and talk with her. Part of me wanted to just avoid the conversation, but I'm worried about the tension escalating and how it gets to the kids. I don't want a repeat of two weeks ago, so I said we can talk now as long as it's away from the kids. We went into the basement.
W wanted to know what was next, and I said "what have you decided". She launched into a list of what she is angry about. Here are the coherent points: 1) she started with that I had offered to leave the house, but had not. I never offered that, I simply had said that I did not want a divorce WAR. 2) she hates being in the guest room. 3) I am now super-dad and it has created distance between her and the kids. 4) she is mad that I have not filed for D?!? 5) I don't care about her at all.
I was very calm, and just told her I understood but didn't agree. I stated my position on each point, not that it mattered. I told her that I did not want a D, that I thought we had stuff to work out since we had never done any real work on the M. However, I still thought that anymore things that directly harm the kids, like 2 weeks ago, could not continue.
She then said she wants us to sit down and tell the kids about what is going on. I said I agree, what does she want to tell them. She says she doesn't know. I told her that I would be there, but she will have to tell them her decision herself, and I won't lie to them especially since they already basically know what's going on.
There so much more, but this is already too long. We ended with her saying she'll get to work on the D papers (i think), and then saying she wishes these conversations could end better.
I asked her what I could do to help her. I had to steer a little bit, but we came up with a schedule: M and W nights will be for me with the kids, and T and T will be for her. Weekends are still up in the air. She had no other ideas...
Ok, how off track am I???!?!?
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
(1) You remained calm. (2) You validated her feelings. (3) You laid out that SHE would tell the kids - WISE choice. Is she going to tell them you are definitely D'ing? Otherwise, why trouble them (unless they already know).
Well done. Althought I am sure it's not where you want to be.
Oh, and DO NOT move out of the master bedroom. That's the marital bed. SHE chose to leave that bed. She can come back if you want her to. But, tough sh!t that the guest room isn't to her liking.
