The continuing saga of P ...

[P17]

Hi P17 I am going to reply tonight. Your post needs time to digest and to reply back.

Always like hearing from you mate. Look forward to it.

Go spam my thread... I am closing it as well. And moving over here

Where is it!?!? Couldn't find your thread ...

[newmama]

10:56 p.m. in Scotland? P, are you up late playing Call of Duty?


Man, your "crystal ball reading" is so dismal and gloomy regarding what your W will do. You "know" her so well, yet did you ever guess she would have an A? And does this version of your W that you describe feel the same about permanently ending a relationship even when he (YOU) is new and improved? How do you know?

BTW my H also pleased others more than himself...and As are selfish. So I wonder if there is something to that connection?

[Day by Day]

BTW my H also pleased others more than himself...and As are selfish. So I wonder if there is something to that connection?

Interesting... my H complained that he was doing so much and spending so much on others and felt it was his time to do things for himself.

[P17]

10:56 p.m. in Scotland? P, are you up late playing Call of Duty?

I have to admit I am indulging. This isn't something I did while I was with W, but I am ... indulging. That and a nice bottle of red wine (something I also never really did when W was here). And it's currently 11:23pm.

Man, your "crystal ball reading" is so dismal and gloomy regarding what your W will do.

You are 100% correct. I see only negativity today. I feel, with the pic of OM and W, my face is being well and truly rubbed in it. That was the catalyst for me. I also haven't seen the pic - asked a friend to print it in case I need it for the D. "Me and my man" - that's her showing off talk. You don't hear it much.

You "know" her so well, yet did you ever guess she would have an A?

In hindight, given her addictive behaviour, I show have seen it. No, I actually NEVER EVER thought she'd have an A. It never really crossed my mind ever.

And does this version of your W that you describe feel the same about permanently ending a relationship even when he (YOU) is new and improved? How do you know?

I don't know what you mean there newmama.

BTW my H also pleased others more than himself...and As are selfish. So I wonder if there is something to that connection?

I'm no psychologist, but maybe they just snap and go from one extreme to the other. They do that when they pick OP's (usually, although not always, the complete opposite of the LBS) and they also do that in their personalities (ie. replaced by an alien).

[P17]

Interesting... my H complained that he was doing so much and spending so much on others and felt it was his time to do things for himself.

I think my W is doing the same. She did say to me once that she had "woken up" so the R and the problems. Pity she didn't do that and try to then fix them than taking the easy way out and running away.

But, as I've said many times before, all WAS's are cowards.

[Arwen_in_NJ]

[quote=P17
I thought about calling mine earlier and asking if it would just be easier to file for D than waiting on W dragging her a$$ seeing her lawyer about the separation agreement. I mean, she only got it on 3 October so she's only had like 2 MONTHS!
[/quote]

P-
If she has so WELL and TRULY moved on and forgotten you, as you believe, then why is she waiting so long with the separation agreement? You think she'd be glad to sign it and get on with it. Things that make you go "hmmmmm"".....

My W has been the same. In March I heard "we are definitely separating and getting a divorce".
In May I heard "I want to do this as quickly as possible and get on with my life".
In June I heard "I want to have a separation agreement by the end of July. I don't like to sit in my pain." HER pain? Ha!

In October my atty heard from her atty, formalizing the verbal agreement we made setting the "end date" for our relationship. My atty sent back our changes in Nov. We still haven't heard whether the changes are acceptable, and if she has signed off on them so I can sign the agreement. I am sure it was her atty that pushed to have the agreement on paper, not my W.

We are scheduled with the mediator in Feb. My W is not happy that this was the "earliest appt she could get".

She hasn't filed for D. Still.

I think she appears to move things forward with the D for the benefit of the OW, since I am sure she is getting pressure. I also think this is her way of alleviating her guilt about being in an A- "well I am in the process of D". But if she well and truly wants the D as soon as possible, she hasn't taken the quickest route... why? Maybe there is a part of her deep inside that isn't 100% sure...

[newmama]

Quote:

And does this version of your W that you describe feel the same about permanently ending a relationship even when he (YOU) is new and improved? How do you know?


I don't know what you mean there newmama.

I was referring to this comment:

W also said to me one time that when she is done with an relationship, she never goes back.

I mean that you have improved yourself and continue to do so. So her old perspective of you is not the same. She is seeing your changes and will be curious.

The P she left behind is different than the P today. Ergo, (LOL) she won't be going back to the old relationship. She would be starting a new one with a new P.

besides, we have all said things...like "if you cheated on me that would be a deal breaker. We would be DONE!!"

[newmama]

P17, please pardon the t/j for a moment:

Cutter, where is your new thread? I am tired of wading through all the newcomer's threads to check on you! sheesh! get on over to the IEAJ forum already! :-)

[P17]

P-
If she has so WELL and TRULY moved on and forgotten you, as you believe, then why is she waiting so long with the separation agreement? You think she'd be glad to sign it and get on with it. Things that make you go "hmmmmm"".....

Tonight I can't give you a positive answer.

I do have a negative one.

If you she waits until after July 2010, W will get half the house (approx £15k) and half my business (maybe £1-£2k) so she could be dragging it out for that. HOWEVER, that would suggest she would drag it out until July. At the moment, with the last contact I had with her (16 November) she said she had called solicitor and they had a pre-meeting appointment. I got a letter through last week saying that they were now acting for her and she had an appointment with them and my Lawyer would be in touch after that.

At last 'R talk; (where I blew up basically - it was day to vent about sh*t) she confirmed again that she wanted a D 'as quickly as possible' and I said I would give her one on the grounds of adultery (over here that is immediate grounds for a D) - she said that was fine (after a hesitation) and I told her OM would need to be served as well.

So yes, I understand what you are saying. If W had actually did what I asked - agreed with my separation agreement (we both keep our stuff) then, if she believed me, would actually be in the process of getting a D just now - just waiting for a court date. She hasn't done anything so far - maybe she has agreed to separation agreement and we're just waiting for the usual 'lawyer lag', but again, it's been two and a half months. She seems in no hurry but not enough of a wait to get a financial settlement .. if you see what I mean.

In June I heard "I want to have a separation agreement by the end of July. I don't like to sit in my pain." HER pain? Ha!

I read something the other day in Newcomers that say women in particular like to still expect their men to continue supporting them (in every way) while they have their A. This seems the same from an emotional point of view - she's hurting and she wants to end it ... sod your pain!

We are scheduled with the mediator in Feb. My W is not happy that this was the "earliest appt she could get".

We don't do this over here. Is the mediator basically to sit you guys down and discuss the split up of assets etc.?

I think she appears to move things forward with the D for the benefit of the OW, since I am sure she is getting pressure. I also think this is her way of alleviating her guilt about being in an A- "well I am in the process of D". But if she well and truly wants the D as soon as possible, she hasn't taken the quickest route... why? Maybe there is a part of her deep inside that isn't 100% sure...

I could be wrong about this in my sitch, and a friend has told me I am. But the OM's wife, many years ago, had an A and their M broke up (you'd therefore think the scumbag would have understood where I am coming from, but nevermind). I am mind reading here but if it were me I would be TERRIFIED that a woman was going to get a D for me under their circumstances (before he moved in they had never dated, never been intimate, never lived together and only met once or twice and talked on the phone - he also had cold feet umpteen times before moving here) especially if I was going to be served with papers for it. I understand I am imposing my morals on him, but .... my friend thinks he doesn't care and she could be right, after all he is involved with a married woman so his morals are pretty much shot anyway.

Anyway, I digress.

Maybe there is a part of the W that just doesn't want to push over that line. My W seemed so calm and collected when I last had the R talk. I talked, she listened (and cried) and actually had some anger at a few things (which a) isn't like W and b) surprised me these things were so tender for her)

I truly wish they could experience just ONE DAY in our lives to see how things look from the LBS perspective. Just one day.

Anyway, Arwen it was good to hear from you again. Sorry about your sitch. Are you on FB out of curiousity?

[P17]

I was referring to this comment:

W also said to me one time that when she is done with an relationship, she never goes back.

I mean that you have improved yourself and continue to do so. So her old perspective of you is not the same. She is seeing your changes and will be curious.

Ahhh, but she's not seeing them. Remember she has completely 100% disappeared off the radar (which I still maintain is a huff - D's car seat non-response confirms it).

Most of my changes are not externally visible. Okay I'm going out more, she isn't seeing that. I have actually gone back 90% to the guy I was when I met her. However, that would mean rewinding the clock back 7 years. I actually feel I am the guy she met with 7 years experience. One thing I kept saying to my IC was that once W left, the depression and anxiety lifted almost immediately and I realised the depression I had was situation based (as the doc told me before but I didn't listen). Once that lifted, the old P was actually quietly sitting on a chair, reading paper and smoking away on his pipe (I don't smoke - it's a metaphor :)) and he then lifted his head and said 'ah, you're back - about time'.

I am the old P. But I have 7 years of experience under my belt. I also have about 12-18 months of living that I missed thanks to the depression / anxiety / relationship issues and I am aching to get back out there and have some fun!

The P she left behind is different than the P today. Ergo, (LOL) she won't be going back to the old relationship. She would be starting a new one with a new P.

You are 100% correct and I know, from my heart, that if we started again, as I wanted it, from the very beginning (dating) that I would sweep that woman completely off her feet before she knew what would have hit her. Not becuase she is my W, but because that is the guy I was ... fun, energetic, risky, daring and up for anything ... mr comedian, mr sociable, mr fun.

besides, we have all said things...like "if you cheated on me that would be a deal breaker. We would be DONE!!"

We have. However, you don't know my W. Then again, I don't know her either now .. LOL.

Thanks newmama.