Perhaps I call H and talk to him about it? At least then if H says he prefers I not go I haven't presumed anything and I can tell my FIL and the kids that H feels that way.Cas
H didn't invite you. Why give him the power? Re-read all the responses you've gotten, make your decision, tell your FIL & then inform H. Inform H before FIL first, if you must, but if your decision is to go inform him of this unchangeable decision. Do not be swayed by H. Do it for MIL and FIL. Everyone else will survive one way or the other. imho.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Hi Oz, Julia and Gardener...Good to hear from you all. I'm on holidays...it's a wonderful feeling! Going to the oncologist Mon and the surgeon Tues so once those visits are done I will feel fantastic.
I bought my new outdoor setting and bbq today...yay!
I haven't been in contact with H for 2 weeks but he has sent me a couple of emails...all helpful like a friend would do. This is new. Weird! His emails to date have been just straight to the point matters re business or kids.
First an enquiry about Christmas and thanks when I gave the answer
Then an email about an upcoming concert he thought I would like
Then an offer to collect an old filing cabinet I wanted to get rid of
Today one of those emails about people who try to 'carjack.' They've floated around for ages and he's never ever sent that sort of thing to me before but he sent this on to to his sister, his Mum, S and me.
Don't know what it means but it is new behaviour. Whatever it is, I am staying out of touch and concentrating on me.
Today was interesting. H and I had a meeting re our business which was quite difficult-H was pretty angry but not at me.
We spoke about it further tonight and he was a bit edgy to begin and snapped at me but I firmly told him not to speak to me like that.
As the conversation moved on he became more relaxed and answered things for me and we then chatted about the kids, his job, my health and so on. It ended up being quite a good conversation-quite comfortable and we chatted for about 45 minutes.
Today was different again. H was very stressed over business matters and we had a disagreement over finance which will impact our settlement.
He's fine now but there was a point where it reminded me of days gone by when he would lose his cool and not talk to me for weeks.
He called me back later and gave me further information on the business matter and spoke nicely to me. He conceded that he was very stressed and it wasn't my fault...he does feel I should recognise this trait in him, that it's not a positive trait, just the way he is.
Cas youre not responsible for pussy footing around him when he is stressed anymore, if he was at home with you maybe but hes not so he doesnt get anymore patience than your average friends do! Well done for telling him to not to speak to you like that! Hope you are well! (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks Rabbit. I have always been the peace keeper so standing up to him has been challenging but these days he does acknowledge times he is wrong and does try to make peace(still usually without having to say sorry).
H tries to bully people into doing what he wants when he is under pressure and things are not going the way he wants them to. He doesn't show this trait normally but I think this tactic has worked in the past so he keeps using it. I keep trying to explain that yelling at me only gets my back up. When he's calm and teaches or explains he's got far more chance of getting me to go along with his proposals.
Anyway, the settlement and divorce is getting closer and then the real pressure will be off.
H tells me he has applied for jobs interstate and overseas as a temporary measure. He plans on coming back in the long term.
Every time we discuss our financial settlement H says I am stalling. This was true in the beginning when I was trying to get my head around things but is certainly not true now. There have been times when he has blocked progress as well. I have made several suggestions on how we can resolve things and given him my solicitor's details 2 or 3 times. I am more than happy to get this aspect over with...it's been going on too long and I am tired of sitting in limbo.
Think youre stuck in his DO I/DONT I pattern. I expect he has a good week and wants to pursue his freedom and other weeks when he is having a bad week and thinks twice, bit like a push me pull you! I know how you feel about wanting to get on with things, we are going somewhere now but in my heart I have an urgency to have a marriage or not a marriage and Im still in limbo with a just about marriage.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Rabbit, can you elaborate further for me? I think I get the essence of what you're saying but not 100%. You think I am stuck because he is still unsure of his direction? Don't forget ow is still there. I don't think there is really any indication of any commitment to me at all. If I initiate contact he is more than happy to go along but he does not contact me unless it is for business or kids aside from those random emails he sent recently.
Today S told me that H and he discussed our new mobile phone plans and S suggested H, S, D and I all remain on the one bill so we can have free calls to each other and H said, "Makes sense." Wonder again how ow would feel about that.
