My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

I want to love and be loved; I want a family; I want friends to share my life. And yet, 18 months out, I have no one; I continue to lose people and I don't know why. I have reached out. I've done the work. I've done the reading. I've done therapy. I've tried to look ahead. And it changes nothing, except that I am even more alone. I have survived, and that is all. No, I don't walk around like this; I put on a smile, I am functional and friendly and outgoing. But I'm still invisible.

[hoosiermama]

Yes, I am aware that God is beside me. However, I truly need someone with skin on right now. I don't see how it can be God's will that I am so alone--over, and over, and over. We are not meant to be this alone.

[NoCodeBlues]

No, we are not meant to be alone.

It is because of our sins however -- not yours, but all of our sin, the sins of Man -- that so much misery is in the world, including loneliness.

The last few days, especially this morning, I have woken up and allowed myself again to remember what it was like to wake up with my beloved beside me, to recall having that skin-on-skin contact -- and to allow myself to stop and feel again the loss of that. It is painful.

But then I remember the pain that ex has caused me. All because of her sins against me, all because of the fall of Man. It wasn't meant to be this way. But it is what we have chosen. Having our own way comes with a terrible price.

This may not be of much comfort to you right now, but usually my life has been so crazy and hectic that I haven't been able to even have some alone time, some time to think and to allow our Father to speak to me. I have gotten that today.

On another note, if it weren't for the "wire" (speaking metaphorically like Peter Gabriel here) I would truly have been cut off from my fellow man this day.

HM, perhaps you have to realize that this phase will eventually come to an end. You have to trust that, and have faith in God to lead you through this valley. Perhaps focusing so much on the pain of this now is what has you stuck in it -- maybe it is time to shoulder it and move forward through it, and eventually beyond it. I don't know. I'm saying this as much for myself as for you.

Hang in there. Courage.

[hoosiermama]

thank you, no code. I thought I had begun to move forward--and then there was this week. I don't know how I can do anything but focus on the pain today; it's overwhelming. I won't survive another holiday like this.

[Reincarnated]

Yes, you will survive holidays. Number one, because you have to (there is a 13 year old who loves and depends on you). And two, because that is what we do.

You said you have done therapy - still going?
If yes, tell them that you want to set goals towards easing your loneliness. It might be getting involved in a hobby, taking a class, inviting people to your house more often, getting involved in a church...back to basic, GAL things. Friends are the family we get to pick - you might need to pick some new ones.

[BeingMe]

I think it's at family times like Thanksgiving, that one can feel very lonely, if there is no support system in place. It seems all your friends and family, were in fact, his friends and family. Did you live vicariously through him? If so, then it's time to find your own friends and family. I know, it's hard, and it hurts that those you shared many hours of friendship, abandoned you. I bet that deep down, they know and feel bad, but don't want to see your hurt.

Have you ever thought about volunteering at a soup kitchen, or as a nurse for a charity, even if just for a couple of hours a week. I think you would be great at helping within your community. But, if not that, then there must be something else that you can be passionate about. Maybe, start writing a journal that can become a novel? You will be able to pour out yourself into the pages and tell your story. There is no story for invisible people, is there? But you have one that can teach many of us lessons.

Anyway, hope to catch you on FB sometime. Take care.

[hoosiermama]

actually, I had my own friends as well, almost all of whom have drifted away over the past year. they may have been there in the beginning, but now I get "I'm really busy right now, I'll give you a call in a week or so." Over and over. and believe me, I've tried many times to stay connected. and whatever he told our mutual friends definitely led them to ignore me. eventually, the rejection hurts to much to keep trying. believe me, I tried hard to discuss anything except my divorce when I was with them--because that's just tedious. and family? I was an only child, both my parents died long ago, they were never at all close to extended family--and I haven't heard from any of them since my parents' respective funerals.

I tried volunteering someplace on Thanksgiving. Called at least 5 different places. None called me back. I tried hard to "have a plan" for the holiday, but they all fell through.

[Andabelle]

I'm sorry, honey. There are so many of us in the same boat. I wish I didn't live so far away.

[BeingMe]

That just sucks, HM. A time like this shows who your true friends are, not so?! They should be ashamed of themselves. I know that a person going through this kind a sitch, doesn't need pity, but just a friendly shoulder to lean on occasionally. I bet there were many times when you were there for your friends.

I just don't know what to say anymore, HM. Perhaps you give off the vibe of being strong and independent, so they feel they are not needed?

Sad to lose contact with blood family, even if they are cousins and other extended family.

Who doesn't need more volunteers? I guess there's a glut since Pres. Obama was elected. Not that that's a bad thing.

[hoosiermama]

I'm sorry. bitter is unattractive. depressed is repulsive. and probably I shouldn't post when I'm feeling this way, but it's more of a vent than looking for a quick fix.

yeah, one find out who one's true friends are at a time like this. and what that tells me is--they're gone. time to start over.

uh--yeah, I spent almost 7 years in pastoral ministry, being there. making sure people weren't alone when they were anguished. walking in when everyone else is walking out. I didn't do it to get something back, you understand, but still...not even wanting a friendly shoulder to lean on, I'd settle for a little company, a cup of coffee together occasionally. and no, had anyone reached out yesterday I would not have talked about how miserable I was, but just lightness, well wishes, thankfulness for them in my life.

contact with blood family--thank goodness for facebook. reconnected with a cousin I didn't know I had. my dad was one of 12, so there are a lot of them out there--but he died in 1967, and my mom in 1978, and we weren't all that close before that. wish we had been, but we weren't.