NC, I like the DDay's idea of buying a duplicate. My 18 year old daughter took her stuffed bulldog that she sleeps with to college with her. I got it for her in the seventh grade when she first tried out for the school's spirit dance team. She has always had something to sleep with. I don't look it as a crutch, just a comfort. I think by taking the bulldog to school with her she was able to take a little piece of home with her. As an adult I sometimes like to hug a pillow when I'm sleeping...lol.
Remember don't sweat the small stuff. By getting the duplicate animal your wife will lose one of her excuses to torment you. I'm sure she will find others, but this will be one less.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
It would be alright if xW just bought them these toys and didn't proceed to encourage their anxiety and psychological dependence on them, making them a critical component for going to bed at night. She should just buy the toy and leave it at that.
It feels like I am facing having to "de-program" my kids at some point.
S4 still has the Triceratops I got him two years ago -- I make sure that one stays at my place now (it had "disappeared" for a time when it was transported to xW's.)
Unfortunately, both of my S's get fixated on a favorite bedtime toy, one that has to always be transported between each place and can lead to melt-downs and screaming fits if it is discovered missing at the appointed hour. Even the eight-year-old.
While I am not trying to oppose their "preferences", I am also trying to not encourage this either.
I guess a duplicate might offer the possibility that it would water-down the impact of one particular toy, maybe? Or would it lead to a veritable "arms race" with xW -- with each parent trying to out-do the other? I don't know. I need to think on this and weigh all the pros and cons.
I have always stated to you that you let far too much of what your Xw does enrage you. That said, I emplore you to do something to take your focus off what she does. Study up on kids and how to handle and nurture them through the process and effects of divorce, NOW.
First off, they are not all that old, and your S8 if I remember correctly is much like my S12 who's emotional and mental age can vary with the change of wind speed, right?
Even without a broken family factored in, all kids grow out of thier phase with toys at their own pace, some never do and become avid collectors.
Seriously, there are plenty of resources on-line, start there. I give myself refreshers from time to time even being the child of divorced family. Take the 'fight' away from them.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
NC, you know my D9's psychiatrist was saying the most important thing for AS kids with divorce is routine and trying to keep things the same as much as possible, and I know they have more problems with transitions than nt kids. Maybe their "lovies" help them to make the transition from house to house, and give them some extra security they need right now? I think the duplicate idea is great. I've been slowly doing that now as I can afford it, just their PE sneakers or anything that has gotten left over at their dad's.
Hmmm, nope. Not in this case. Upset, irritated, perturbed -- yes.
Incidentally, my focus is on my S's, and xW knows the only way to get to me now is through them. For me to take my focus off of what xW does to irritate me would require me to ignore what happens with my kids -- not gonna' happen.
I have set my boundaries with her -- most of which are in areas that involve our children. Unfortunately, she has shown a predilection to overstepping those bounds from time to time, so the most I can do is to manage my own reaction to those offenses. For me, I have to accept that as the lay of the land now -- since she feeds off of the drama, I can't really do anything about her except to vent here in these forums, maybe. Only if she does something illegal or outside of our parenting agreement can I take it any further. That's just the way it is.
This is merely the cost of trying to co-parent with someone like xW. Otherwise, life is a-okay.
NC, I vent here too. I'm sure I sound like someone that spends all day wallowing over my X's actions, but sometimes it really helps to come here and vent, and have people that can really understand. Then I can go out and have a good, positive day and focus on the kids and all the good stuff in my life. I very much understand how frustrating it can be to deal with toxic-Xs.
Wish we could sit in a Starbucks or SBC together some time and enjoy a good latte.
...
<journaling>
I'm without the boys again. <sigh> I will miss out on Thanksgiving Day with them, and S4's birthday on Monday. That sucks. But I will plan a catch-up day next Friday to celebrate Thanksgiving and S4-5's birthday that evening.
Going to be a pretty quiet holiday for me on Thursday. I plan to make the most of it anyway.
I hope everyone here has a fantastic weekend and a very enjoyable Thanksgiving.
