Thanks for dropping in guys it was getting to feel a bit "billy no mates" around here, although I do find it good to journal stuff!
Sorry about not stopping by much. But like I've told others, look at your thread on the forum list and compare Views to responses. It's usually a ratio of more than 10:1, so everyone's watching, commiserating. No excuse, though. I will drop in more offten.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
First day at work for me today, hard going but Im sure I will soon get used to it. H is around for a few days again but not sure after that what is happening.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
H stayed over again last night, when he said he'd be back up next week if it was convienant I joked that my expiry date might be up by then! He said he thought that would be a pity as we were just getting some where!
This morning he made me coffee as he was off just as I was getting up for work, he kissed me good bye and then the most beautiful words I have heard for months.
Well I will LOVE YOU and leave you!
I smiled and said I liked the sound of the first bit and he kissed me again and grinned back at me.
How sweet those words are to me, I thought I would never hear them again in any form.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well after hearing some heavenly words, back to earth we come. Came home and found letter from mortgage company, now H has no contract we are going to find paying the mortgage hard if not impossible. So I txt him saying we need to sit down and sort out a plan of action for the bills, so far I have taken paying them onboard but obviously cant with no money. Even though I know have a job the mortgage alone would be my salary.
Ended up talking on the phone to H who has a cold so I tempered my conversation, saying that we needed to sort this out, he said he agreed we needed things more separate and I tried to get over that separate accounts for bills and spending money, if we were together was a good idea, but if we wernt going to be together we needed stuff separate completely if you get my drift.
Despite his minor slip up yesterday I still feel he is dragging his feet, its so frustrating, I just want to scream Im not playing this game any more make your mind up and have done with it! ARrrrrrh
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Rabbit, Read your opening thread and skimmed thru.
What are his issues with being married?
What are his LLs?
When things were great what were you two doing?
What has worked?
In the past what has he said he loves about you?
You need to get a grip on the finances together (opportunity to shine).
Quote:
I just want to scream Im not playing this game any more make your mind up and have done with it! ARrrrrrh
I have yet to see a WAS lead out of limboland. You have to move forward for yourself if he comes along then great, it's his choice.
What specific questions do you have?
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
He said he no longer loved me in that way and wanted to see if life would be better single. We never had any time between leaving home and getting married as we were only 16/17 when we met and got married at 22/23. He had a heart attack at 42 which will be four years ago this coming Easter. He never changed a lot of things which would have been expected, but allowed me to change a lot of things; I bought my own horse and gave up work. From my pov in giving up work I became needy and reliant on him, and yes I know I certainly took him too much for granted. He is an easy going man so would never say. Since I have had to go out to work for myself and stand on my own two feet again I have a lot of sympathy for what he was doing in day to day life.
What are his LLs? Words of Affirmation, Quality Time and Physical Touch they are the same as mine.
When things were great what were you two doing? We were just happy being together, enjoying dining out, chatting, movies, sharing our hobby stories with each other.
What has worked? Becoming sexy sassy rabbit, standing on my own two feet, validating his needs and feelings, fulfilling his LL’s.
In the past what has he said he loves about you? That I was funny, sassy, good to spend time with, that I am generous and kind.
You need to get a grip on the finances together (opportunity to shine). I now have a job but he doesn’t, he contracts and is stuck finding a new one, my salary alone will not fund our main home let alone the two living apart which we are still doing and he shows no sign of giving up yet. I have lots of plans on how to reallocate them so that we can have a bills account, savings accounts and separate spending accounts each. As one bugbear was that neither of us planned or did anything because we didn't have our own money.
I have yet to see a WAS lead out of limboland. You have to move forward for yourself if he comes along then great, it's his choice.
See I agree with you there, leading him wont really fix it he has to come of his own choice, I feel that is a big step him accepting he wants to work at this marriage rather than sidle back into it unnoticed which is some thing I want to avoid.
What specific questions do you have? Ok it might be in my dreams or wishful thinking but I feel he is almost at the point of returning home, it might not be till xmas, he has discussed spending xmas with me and was almost upset when he thought I wasn't going to. We had a conversation the other week when we talked about where things were going, and H said he thought things were going well and he wanted to see what we wanted and if we could get back together. I told him that was good but I didn't want him to cake eat and it had taken me a lot to get where I was and I didn't want to go backwards. He complimented me on standing on my own two feet and said he would and wasn't cake eating. I’m just concerned that because he is spending several days a week here at our home and yes we are ML and enjoying the time we have together, can I consider this a sorta piecing and carry on going with it, but for how long, I always said I would call it a day at the end of 2009, but don’t want to shoot myself in the foot by being too hasty.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I would use the money crisis as a reason to get together. Know that this is a huge stressor to man. A man wants to provide. If he sees you getting upset it will stress him more and if he is a laid back guy he won't say anything. So use the WOA to reaasure him and help develop a plan.
Sometimes when you lead you are modeling good behavior to him. Validating, compassion, forgiveness, listening, LLs, partnership, personal growth etc. Make sense?
I wouldn't place deadlines on yourself - creates stress, pressure and expectations. Evaluate as you go. "Patience is the companion of wisdom." - St Augustine
You sound like you are doing alright. Let him come to you. Be irresistable to him.
Where are you in the UK? I have spent some time in the Cotswalds on different trips. I have been told I am "cheeky" and that I was "pissed as a newt." I have also sucessfuly navigated the killer roundabout in Swindon.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
