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#1835972 - 09/10/09 10:52 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
Quote:
I am finishing a small (but for me, meaningful), book, I hope by Christmas.


You are writing a book? Are you going to publish it?

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1835973 - 09/10/09 10:54 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
breakaway Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 1464
Maybe you have ADHD. Ask a doctor who knows about adult ADHD. Or google it. Feeling overwhelmed like that and not being able to prioritize tasks is a common symptom.
_________________________
Me-42,H-41,M-14
S-12,9


Previous thread

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#1836029 - 09/11/09 12:54 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: breakaway]
KerryK Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 5992
Loc: Beaver State
Kevin - 25 wrote a great post.

There is nothing wrong with going to see a counselor, life coach or psychiatrist to help analyze some of your faults and learn methods to eliminate or cope with them. Likewise, if you do have some ADD or ADHD, there are many who have overcome these obstacles.

We are all pulling for you.
_________________________
Young divorced dad who lives half the time with a wonderful son (10) and daughter (8).

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#1836034 - 09/11/09 01:27 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 9931
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: K4D
I think a major root of my problems is that I have always felt overwhelmed by things that other people seem to handle just fine.
Is living like this okay with you? You've been here about a year? How long have we discussed YOU getting help for this basic fundamental problem? Most of the time...

It does cause me paralysis and makes me want to avoid it.
IS that okay with you? How long will you "accept this trait, helplessly"? As if you have NO control over yourself AND cannot get help for it...I mean, the paralysis is to avoid conflict and pain -- and look where it got you...

I think my lack of being able to organize effectively leads me into feeling overwhelmed. I have never had good organizational skills. Another complaint of my W.

Everyone has some faults. Deal with the underlying stuff so you can fine tune things the way YOU want to, later. Your inability to make yourself happy is a big stinking problem and worse, it's unattractive, which makes your other problems worse.

I have always told her if she can direct, I will do the work when organizing things such as the house or the car for trips or whatever. This apparently didn't go over with her well over time. (No, I imagine it would not. I don't know women who are attracted to this trait. Some women will run over a man for awhile, or stick around for a bit, but they are rarely happy and rarely stay with a man who's life they must run, or who isn't an equal partner at least...This insight of yours must lead to action.)

It is the same way with multi tasking at work.
Kevin


So...are you going to get help or not? You just admitted that you have problems OTHER than your wife being gone. Problems that contributed to her being gone AND slow or stop you from moving on in life. SO, what are you going to do about it? Ask yourself how miserable you have to feel and for how long, before you'll DO something healthy for yourself that means true change...well?
j-


Edited by 25yearsmlc (09/11/09 01:29 AM)
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#1836368 - 09/11/09 02:55 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
Goodfight Offline
Member

Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 737
Loc: PA
Kevin,

You can do this....listen to 25. I have faith in you.

I hope both you and 25 can hop over to my thread, D finally got a letter from H. This is the second one but he never wrote her back from like 3 weeks ago. She is so excited.

Thanks guys if you get the time.

Just looking for some insight.

Lost
_________________________
M 41
H 35
D 12
S 18
Separated 11/08

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#1836719 - 09/12/09 04:22 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: Goodfight]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 9931
Loc: west coast
Lost41-
I thought I posted a long reply to you a few days back. Maybe a week or so....

I'll double check...glad to hear D got a response though.
J-
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
#1836724 - 09/12/09 04:43 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
Quote:
So...are you going to get help or not? You just admitted that you have problems OTHER than your wife being gone. Problems that contributed to her being gone AND slow or stop you from moving on in life. SO, what are you going to do about it? Ask yourself how miserable you have to feel and for how long, before you'll DO something healthy for yourself that means true change...well?


I am. I am focusing on my future and taking care of what I need to now.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

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#1836881 - 09/13/09 08:52 AM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 9861
I think she was asking in what ways are you getting help. Not generic focuses. Those didn't seem to help you much.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#1837053 - 09/13/09 10:27 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: MrBond]
K4D Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/08
Posts: 3975
I don't really know. I just know that my focus seems to be getting better lately. I seem to be able to start blocking things out of my mind now and focusing on one thing at a time. I am probably just surpressing things, but it is allowing me to do what I need to be doing at each moment.

Kevin
_________________________
Me 36, W 37
M: 08/02/97
D13, D9
1st Bomb 02/08
Reconciled 04/08
2nd Bomb: 09/08
W filed for D 02/04/09
Separated 03/09
D dismissed 06/09/09
Still separated...

Top
#1837062 - 09/13/09 10:47 PM Re: K4D Rising #4 [Re: K4D]
C-Bart Offline
Member

Registered: 07/30/09
Posts: 882
Loc: Missouri
Kevin,
I don't think I've posted on you thread before but I've read most of it. You have many people who are interested in seeing you through your issues. However, they can only go so far. You need to see someone in the real world. What you may find is that you are completely normal. Even if that is the case there are still things an IC can help you work through. Don't mess around with this. When your cars not working correctly you take it to the mechanic. Not saying your broken but you need an expert to help you on your journey.
_________________________
_________________________
Me-41
W-39
M-15 yrs T-17 yrs
D-12
S-9
S-8
B 5/08
S 1/09

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