Burt, you mean the decision to let go? the decision to date others? both? After all these posts, I have to be honest and say I don't really know what I should be doing!
Guys, I would be very interested to hear just exactly how you would want to be treated by us if you were our H's. Keep in mind....."as if" you are in our sitches at this point in time.....you no longer hate our guts, enjoy our company, enjoy intellectual or light-hearted conversations with us (the communication level is frequent now), are turned on just be looking at us, AND.... YOU SEEK US OUT.....for whatevah!!!! (My H invited me for lunch yesterday and I went.....)
There is nothing better than having two or more women that love you and will do anything for you and never stand up to you. It strokes the ego. Cake eating is as good as it gets. When I am having a fight with one, I can go to the other to get my ego stroked. Security. Always having someone to fall back on. Nothing better than a little spice in your life by sleeping with more than one woman. Variety is the spice of life. I must be all of that since I have women chasing me and loving me for doing nothing. I guess I am a pretty good catch. I sure hope the OW doesn't find out that I am still seeing and sleeping with my STBEX. Oh well, she would never believe it anyway, so no biggie.
Yep. Life is good. I sure hope that I don't lose all my money and my business if or when we divorce. She loves me too much though to do that, but I will be nice to her just in case. IF she does try to take me to the cleaners though... WATCH OUT. I know she is scared that I may hate her. I will just have a brat attack and I know she will back right off though because she loves me so much. I sure don't have to worry about her.
Now that I have these two women, I wonder if that blonde waitress that always smiles to me at the restaurant likes me too. She sure is hot. I think I will keep flirting with her. She sure has a nice body. I think I will stop by there again today. Life is good. I think she gives me extra big portions for some reason. HHHMMM....
Gucci, your scenario is a good response for Sanderika's question. However, for me I get what you are saying and I don't think it needs further elaboration. (H's cake eating is having his ego stroked by my affirmation and knowing I still love him. There has been no physical intimacy since separation.)
My question remains "How do I progress from here?" Do I tell H that the 'game plan' has changed or do I just change the plan and let him discover it. I will see him this week at my D's school awards night. What difference in me should he see/sense?
Just change the plan, has he discussed his plans with you? Probably not.
He should see a woman at peace with the decision to separate who's looking forward with her life, confident and sassy (I hate that word but it's appropriate). One who's not hanging on to his word looking for a sign that he's still in love with her and wants to come back. Really it's the best and probably only option left. The softly softly approach is not working.
Remember your M may be over (but perhaps not) but your life sure ain't.
Afternoon Cas thanks for your advice on my thread much appreciated x
Ok so your lacking confidence in how to move on so go with baby steps, classify H as an aquaintance now so only deal with him that way! Let him organise his own dates with the kids, just stay polite, friendly and done with him.
Can you go out on your own or do you need to mind the kids? Sorry not sure of their ages although presume teens. Now your feeling better start growing your hobby base, what do you like to do? What things can you do which would start meeting new people, I dont mean dating but you need to get used to being out and about meeting new folks and starting to make new friends of either sex, we all stop making deeper friendships with our male folks when we get married as it doesnt seem right so start practising making male friends and dont worry about where its going to start with!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Rabbit, I probably need to clarify the bit about confidence....I am quite confident in my day to day life. I just lack confidence right now in how I go about things from this point given the extraordinary amount of input I have had on my thread lately.
I don't make any plans with H re the kids. They are 15 and 17 so old enough to organise what they want to do with him, and in no need of babysitting. For example, D organised the tickets and invited us both to her awards night. D is staying over at H's tomorrow night which is something H and D arranged.
As for going out, I am fairly social. In fact, it's probably been a bone of contention over the years between H and I because I am much more social than H.
Perhaps you could make some suggestions to extend me further? At the moment I walk everyday with a group and we coffee/breakfast every Friday. I go to the movies every couple of weeks and regularly see live theatre. I go to a women's gym (but not since my surgery...still not allowed). My work place is pretty social and I join in with most activities. I spend time with my parents who live a short distance. I probably need to extend my friendship group a little as it's mostly females and married couples. I could invite more people over to dinner/bbq. Time is a bit of an issue as I have a career and part time study as well. And of course there's the work/life balance needed to keep the health in check and the usual running around after D and the household stuff!
So thinking out loud..... I will start to invite friends here and look at ways to extend my friendship group. Any other suggestions Rabbit?
PS As I re-read what I had written I thought the logical thing is to change gyms but I go to one of those 30 min circuit gyms which I quite enjoy.
No I got the confidence bit, you come across very calm, serine and confident in all of your posts, think you have hit the nail on the head about extending your types of friendship groups to include more men, on the gym front perhaps you could change to a more traditional type gym with some floorwork classes, and a swimming pool, Im sure that swimming exercise in gentle doses may be allowed. Perhaps you could let any really good friends know that if they have any single male friends you'd be interested in making new friends, but make sure you clearly state that you mean friends not dates to start with!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
