Funny isn't it LR there always seems to be at least two or three of us at the one time in the same boat, us with pullbacks, Cas and Sanderika and their problem. At least we know we are not alone.
It sure does make you feel better knowing some else totally understands. Was chatting to my mate from my horse forum who was worried that I wasnt on much anymore, and I said I'd found a divorce forum were people were great and helpful and didnt get fed up about hearing your troubles as they were in the same boat. She was pleased for me that I had good support!
So to this morning got about four hours sleep then a few more so not too bad, just got the awful pit in the stomach feeling again, which I havent had for a while so must have been doing ok!
Oz he was exactly the architypal stroppy toddler last night! Didnt like being told I was busy so made threatening sounding statements of impending doom, when hopefully it probably isnt he just didnt like being put aside for something else, or not being important enough in my life lol! Its still all about him, or maybe thats just it will it always just be about him or do they ever recover from looking up their own derrier?
Just didnt need this today, I wanted to go and hopefully get a new job and celebrate my victory on my own, as every time I have wanted to include him in my celebrations he's ruined them, so I wasnt going to let him this time!
Off to do house chores now, hopefully that will keep my mind off things!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thank you so much Gucci, just read your other post this morning and I think a penny has dropped!
Ive gone a bit NC on H the later part of this week, mostly because I didnt want to fall out with due to him drinking and backed off. BUT on MSN last night when I told him I was busy his reply was "lucky whoever"
When he returned home from our last meetup I did remind him I had an expiry date lol, ooh wonder if to much drink and too much thinking has occurred whilst Ive been making him wait this week!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
H that is. he arrived this evening and he is determined to be miserable, morose and obviously is digging himself an absolute pity party, he cooked a nice dinner and then said that even I didnt need him anymore.
i explained that needing him was wrong and was part of all the things that hadnt worked for us! I ended up in tears telling him how I realised all the things that had been wrong, I dont need him but I do want him, he said right we are getting somewhere then proceeded to get even more miserable and morose. I just cant win tonight so I have retreated to my bedroom, to try and relax, even though I am seriously worried about him being so wound up downstairs alone! Nothing I can do can fix or help this man so there is no point even offering to!
Tomorrow I suspect hes gonna do the I havent got a job and we cant pay the bills and the house is gonna have to be sold statement. Well we wouldnt be in such a mess if he hadnt gone awal looking for the land of green and plenty instead of talking to me!
Im so tired after only getting four hours sleep and having my interview and tests today, Im just not sure I can cope with him a moment longer. Gonna have to stop for a minute as hes hit the roof the internet isnt working on his pc, so he needs to reboot something will add more later!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well I ended up going to sleep, we had both said that he was sleeping in the spare room tonight, but dont ask me what time it was but he came into our room and asked if I minded if he joined me. He was like a coiled spring, so I said no I didnt mind, he lay there so tense I offered him a cuddle and he said he'd cuddle me, which we did and we both fell asleep. Hes now up and about and obviously stressed as hell again, I just dont know what to do?
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well I ended up going to sleep, we had both said that he was sleeping in the spare room tonight, but dont ask me what time it was but he came into our room and asked if I minded if he joined me. He was like a coiled spring, so I said no I didnt mind, he lay there so tense I offered him a cuddle and he said he'd cuddle me, which we did and we both fell asleep. Hes now up and about and obviously stressed as hell again, I just dont know what to do?
Do nothing; no pressure on him right now. Keep up a positive mental attitude.
You can expect him to pull back after this kind of positive interaction, because it means he's considering things. He's not supposed to feel this way; you're splitting up, right?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Just trying to keep my own PMA going. Yes it was positive him asking to come in our bed. After a not very good week I wasnt going to allow him to "cake eat" if you get my drift but he had come to the same conclusion, so I was quite surprised he came in with me. He said he didnt want to be alone, but thats where he will be again when he goes back to his own flat.
He's cheered up a bit, asked me to go to lunch with him so we will keep plodding along! Just dont know how to deal with things now my GAL has made him feel unneeded, even when he doesnt believe me when I tell him he is wanted, but needed was wrong for us!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
((((Rabbit)))) Thanks for stopping by my thread and your words of encouragement. So nice to go into a new day knowing someone out there is thinking of you isn't it? It sounds to me like you have re-established boundaries, and you know what they are and communicate them. Then, you respond to each individual sitch as it comes along. I've noticed a similar pattern with my H in that he will treat me like I don't exist but then somehow express that he is feeling unneeded or unwanted when I am GALing and apparently those were some of the ways he had been feeling pre-bomb which, in part, lead us to where we are. so then I get stuck knowing how to respond. Sometimes I think you've got to trust your instincts to a certain extent. It sounds like you are doing well so far today! Keep your PMA!
Yup its a difficult one Rocked, yes you understand that the reason they left was they didnt feel needed, or not needed for the right reasons, but they cant come back just because they need you to need them if that makes any sense at all lol!
Before lunch he talked about coming back up next week to fix the shed roof for me, and do a rubbish run to the tip! We went off to lunch, he was distant, said he kept making the wrong decisions and added he should have come up Wednesday and stayed till Saturday (he has something on back at his place sat). We came back and H lay down on the bed, I walked way and came downstairs to email a friend. No cuddles or attention!
He came back down and said he would have to go about three, he had his evening class to go too and then was returning to work, two hour drive home, hour drive back to work and then home again. Then he said he didnt want to go, I replied "but you dont want to miss your evening class, and you can always come back" meaning another day! His reply "well maybe I will come back after work"
So I dont know he wants to come back till the weekend, what is this, the start of the beginning or am I the temporary comfort blanket, only time will tell! Did my honesty hit the spot last night or will he be in the throws of major pull back by the weekend having overdosed on wife lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
